I'm a Gutsy One

Yesterday afternoon, Mia made the 2.5 hour drive from the clinic’s city, which from here on I will refer to as "Pleasantville." We had a lovely evening. I made spaghetti, garlic bread with cheese, and a simple salad, warning that everyone should enjoy it because I’m not likely to cook a full meal again until sometime after the next total lunar eclipse. 

Naturally, there was lots of cycle-talk going on. Mia explained more details about Friday morning’s baseline scan. She has a resting follicle count with 7 on the left and 11 on the right, or vice-versa. I know better than to count my eggs before they’ve hatched (puns = fun), but this is a good start. I was also corrected on the fact that Mia will start stims tonight and not tomorrow night. The difference in one day made my heart lurch a bit. Not in a bad way, but in more of a we’re about to slam the foot on the gas so hold on to your britches kind of way. We are excited and feeling positive and not-so-cautiously hopeful. I don’t want to let Hope fly me away with reckless abandon – been there, done that, got the bruised and broken t-shirt souvenir that took me months to shed.

To say that I am hopeful means that I am going confidently into this cycle without the ghosts of a past chemical haunting me too much. I am willing to play with fire a bit and tell Mia and Urs if I get an early positive since they will be here until 5dp5dt. I’m hoping for a repeat of the last cycle – by the evening of 4dp5dt I had darkening positives, but still waited to sneak an early beta on the morning of 5dp5dt before breaking the news to Former IM and Former IF. I don’t have room for that this time around, so if again I see shadows on 3dp5dt and no-doubt-about-it-lines on 4dp5dt, I’ll spill it. I already have a clever little scheme devised to surprise them with the news. I so want to be able to witness their reactions if when we get a positive. I’ll be fearless and brazen and daring and speak of a positive before I have it locked down with an acceptable beta. Then I will freak and spazz and wig out until I do have an acceptable and safely rising beta. Cart, meet horse.

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