T for two

It’s Spring Break in these parts and thank God for that; however, my brain seems to have fallen asleep in the relative peace and quietude of absence from work and its roomful of hormonal 8th graders. I’ve had French toast mornings, ravioli and Goldfish afternoons, and taco & ice cream sundae evenings with a heavy slathering of kid giggles, mud puddles, and camp outs in majestic forts made of blankets, card tables, and folding chairs. The timing of this break was a Godsend, but underneath all these good times there is a sense of survivors’ guilt, for lack of a better phrase. It almost seems like a sinful decadence to find comfort and solace in the laughter of my children in the wake of a failed transfer. Such is the battle of conflicting emotions with surrogacy juxtaposed with a personal infertility struggle overcome.

This is my baggage, and it its not a constant blare so much as it is a dull hum that I can choose to ignore at will. Mia is past a place of being distraught over others’ children. We have talked about this before at great length. She is sincerely interested in the happeneings of my children and I am always pleased to share with her. Their antics always make her laugh and I am happy to oblige if Tales del Cinco de Mio will brighten her day. Somewhere in the back of my mind, though, there is the knowledge of the random unfairness infertility deals out. There’s no rhyme or reason to decode and it sucks. It also makes trying to figure out what to do next that much more complicated for Mia and Urs.   

After many long conversations and further discussion with Dr. Sleepy, Mia and Urs have almost made the decision to move forward with one last cycle with Mia’s eggs, then move on to DE if that does not work. The twist – it will be a dual transfer to increase the chance of having a take-home baby. There are many pros and cons to doing a dual transfer, but we all feel secure enough in our relationships with each other and the myriad of possible outcomes to attempt it. If this becomes the definite move, we’re going to attempt to squeak in a late May transfer and if that’s not possible, then July will be the target month.

That should make for a good "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" story at the start of next school year.

For clarification (thanks, Luna!), a dual transfer is when both the intended mother and the surrogate have embryos transferred at the same time. I know of two such cases where both the IM and the surrogate were pregnant simultaneously.

2 Comments

  1. luna on April 11, 2008 at 8:10 pm

    hey, what does a dual transfer mean? transfer to you and mia or someone else?
    if that pic of your bra on your kids’ heads is anything like what your house is like on spring break, I imagine you’re having all kinds of fun. that one made me laugh out loud. that and the one on frank that you promised not to share, shhh…
    ~luna



  2. Moxie on April 11, 2008 at 8:22 pm

    Hey Luna, if that one made you laugh, perhaps I can dig up the picture of Frank dressed as a woman, complete with eye shadow and hooker-red lipstick and scan it if it will get another laugh out of you!