Tempting the Fates

So, Mia's been clinging tight to the principles in The Secret. Well, at least half of them. She says that like me, she doesn't agree with the idea of placing the blame for failure one oneself, but she has completely immersed herself in positive visualization. Before we parted ways at the airport yesterday Mia said, "This has already worked. You are pregnant. I know it. I see it." I smiled, but my insides cringed a bit and I had to fight the urge to cross myself or plug my fingers in my ears so as to deflect the jinx-ish words.

But, last night I was thinking: through the entire cycle Mia had an image of many strong, healthy blasts firmly implanted in her mind and that's exactly what we got. So, what the heck – maybe I'll jump on the forward thinking train a little and stick an image on which to focus in my mind. My ultimate goal as a surrogate is the delivery of a healthy baby or two, so the image I chose to focus on is the delivery. Next, I opened my laptop and did what I did not plan to do for myself – I calculated the due date. I felt half sick to my stomach as I did it – surely knowing when "this baby" is due would be the undoing of this cycle. Of course, that's crazy thinking, or "stinkin' thinkin'" as I've been known to say here and there. I plugged in the necessary information and just before I clicked "Calculate" I thought to myself, "If Mia and Urs believe, then there's no reason why I can't, too. Besides, at most, you'll just look like an idiot if all this believing doesn't work, and looking like an idiot is nothing new." 

Click – Calculate:

Due date

My birthday is February 11.

Cue The Twilight Zone theme music.

Good sign? Well, it was enough to make my heart drop and sent a little chill down my spine. It makes me hopeful, and that's what's so scary about it.

26 Comments

  1. Kristen on May 27, 2008 at 9:52 am

    That’s crazy about the due date/birthday match. Being a big sci-fan fan, I can assure you this deserves an honorable mention! Good luck with the positive test!



  2. Shawna on May 27, 2008 at 11:43 am

    I think that there is nothing wrong to have hope. Without it, this would all be pretty pointless. I am glad that you are able to allow a little of the possibility that this might be it for you in.
    I’m going to commit to hope 100% for you. I know that this is it for you!



  3. Carrie27 on May 27, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    Very weird!!! I think it is just another sign of good things to come.



  4. c on May 27, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    hey! thanks for posting on my blog because I get to read yours now! I am so interested in your blog! I have only read a few posts but can not wait to read more!



  5. Rayne of Terror on May 27, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    I predict you’ll go 3 days over and have a wonderful valentine’s day delivery with a full term healthy babe! I can vibrate it!



  6. Jen on May 27, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    See it has to work! I figure I’ve got to get pregnant as my hubby’s birthday is Feb. 5 and i need another Aquarius in the house!



  7. Echloe on May 27, 2008 at 2:14 pm

    Whoa. That would be incredible if the baby (or babies) are born on your birthday.



  8. Mya on May 27, 2008 at 2:54 pm

    I think it’s a great sign that warrants lots of hope!



  9. sully on May 27, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    Awesome! Sending positive thoughts your way!



  10. bleu on May 27, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    No matter how many times I swear I won’t I do calculate, and then I ALWAYS find something in it. this cycle would put me due when bliss was conceived so of course I am all over that.
    Good luck sister stranger friend.



  11. Moxie on May 27, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    Wow, bleu, I’d say that’s a heck of a good sign. Let’s both just hang on to our edd’s and try to hope for the best.



  12. bri on May 27, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    I think it sounds extremely good. Sending you good preggo vibes. Your story so far (a la the About page) is fascinating.
    Here from NaComLeavMo.



  13. Io on May 27, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    Freaky! Here’s hoping it’s a good sign…



  14. niobe on May 27, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    Hope is a scary thing, but that sounds like an awfully good omen.
    Though, I’ll tell you (well, you and everyone else who reads your blog) a secret. If I really believed in signs, I would be so screwed because my due date is — you guessed it — exactly the same one that we had last time.



  15. Moxie on May 27, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    Holy *insert whatever nonsensical word you choose here*, niobe. Gravity – that’s what it feels like. I think that would have been enough to knock me squarely on my rear and suck the air straight from my lungs.



  16. DC on May 27, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    I just wanted to say you are SO GOOD with the commenting! You’re a NaComLeavMo superstar!!! I keep seeing you everywhere. Keep us the good work! 🙂



  17. Bonnie on May 27, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    I do the same thing with the due date calculator! Ha!
    BTW thanks for visiting my blog and photos today. My wedding pics were from the Indiana Statehouse, they rent it out on the weekends. It’s downtown Indy.
    🙂



  18. Moxie on May 27, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    DC – this is a result of 1.) summer break and 2.) two days of bedrest. If it wasn’t for reading and commenting, I think I’d be going nucking futs right about now!



  19. chicklet on May 27, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    That due date/birthday match is crazy, wow!!!!!



  20. JJ on May 27, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    Ill take that as one helluva sign!



  21. Karen on May 27, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    I think that’s a GREAT sign! Thanks for your comment in my blog!



  22. Bec on May 27, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    Not only is it your birthday, but the fact that it’s also Faith’s Angel Day is what freaks me the heck out. For me to know that there is such an amazingly hopeful and beautiful thing that could be potentially expected that very day is enough to make my heart and soul sing. Besides your birthday, to have that day be equated with something so selfless, awe-inspiring, and loving, something other than the pain I usually remember it as, is enough to bring me hope and joy. I love you so much. I’m sincerely praying that this is it!



  23. Andrea on May 27, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    thanks for visiting me! and for sharing your blog with me – what an amazing story so far – i am hoping for the best 🙂
    and – i am planning on going into pediactrics (spec. developmental peds) if all goes as planned! thanks for asking 🙂



  24. M on May 28, 2008 at 7:16 am

    What a great time to ‘meet’ you – I really do hope you have great news very soon!
    x



  25. Laura NaComLeavMo on May 28, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    What a great transfer & freeze report. My latest IVF pregnancy has an EDD of US Thanksgiving… sometimes dates happen like they do to remind us that we are not alone in all of this.
    I hope Mia is right.



  26. journey to junior on May 29, 2008 at 6:15 pm

    this is all such great news!! all of it. fingers xed!