So, Mia's been clinging tight to the principles in The Secret. Well, at least half of them. She says that like me, she doesn't agree with the idea of placing the blame for failure one oneself, but she has completely immersed herself in positive visualization. Before we parted ways at the airport yesterday Mia said, "This has already worked. You are pregnant. I know it. I see it." I smiled, but my insides cringed a bit and I had to fight the urge to cross myself or plug my fingers in my ears so as to deflect the jinx-ish words.
But, last night I was thinking: through the entire cycle Mia had an image of many strong, healthy blasts firmly implanted in her mind and that's exactly what we got. So, what the heck – maybe I'll jump on the forward thinking train a little and stick an image on which to focus in my mind. My ultimate goal as a surrogate is the delivery of a healthy baby or two, so the image I chose to focus on is the delivery. Next, I opened my laptop and did what I did not plan to do for myself – I calculated the due date. I felt half sick to my stomach as I did it – surely knowing when "this baby" is due would be the undoing of this cycle. Of course, that's crazy thinking, or "stinkin' thinkin'" as I've been known to say here and there. I plugged in the necessary information and just before I clicked "Calculate" I thought to myself, "If Mia and Urs believe, then there's no reason why I can't, too. Besides, at most, you'll just look like an idiot if all this believing doesn't work, and looking like an idiot is nothing new."
Click – Calculate:
My birthday is February 11.
Cue The Twilight Zone theme music.
Good sign? Well, it was enough to make my heart drop and sent a little chill down my spine. It makes me hopeful, and that's what's so scary about it.