'nuff said. For now, anyway.
7:30 am update-
To answer Luna's question from the comments – yes, I've told Mia and Urs, but I hadn't yet when I posted the pictures. Now that I've told them, here's the "tell" portion of today's entry:
I've been testing since 2dp5dt; of course, I wasn't expecting to see anything that early. I'm not one for much patience when it comes to things I can control, and testing early vs. making myself wait helps take some of the crazies out of my head. On the morning of 4dp5dt (Friday) I started seeing phantom smudges that were kinda sorta there if you tilted the tests in the light and squinted your eyes just so. Frank couldn't see anything until I pointed out where to look, then upon further inspection he had to admit that he could kinda sorta see something there, too. Yesterday morning I got very faint, but obvious lines on three types of tests and the lines were a smidge darker yesterday afternoon. Last night around 8pm (about 5.5dp5dt) I got the positive on the CBE digital. My heart dropped and Frank was speechless.
I was up so early this morning for a reason. Mia and Urs are 6 hours ahead of me and I wanted to a.) test again with a regular test just to be sure that the line was getting darker and b.) send an email around when it would be first thing in the morning in their time. I tested with a FRER and Dollar Tree (both darker) and also an EPT digital (positive as well), took pics, then put together a slideshow of pictures from our transfer. The last picture was of the positive tests with a caption that read "SURPRISE! Rocket and/or Masterblaster have decided to stick around, it seems. CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS NO MATTER WHAT TIME IT IS!" I had previously told Mia that I didn't plan on testing until Monday so I knew they wouldn't be expecting to see that picture. I sent off the email, then went to bed gripping the phone in one hand and the positive digitals in the other (as if they'd disappear if I let them out of my sight).
About ten minutes later the phone rang; Mia and Urs were on speakerphone and I could hear happiness barely restrained in their voices. Mia began, "Good morning, Moxie! Very early for you of course! We've seen all the pictures – they are great- and…uuummm….are those…your tests at the end?" I wish that I could recreate the yelling, screaming, squealing, cheering, laughing, and crying that erupted from the two of them when I said that it was. I laughed and couldn't contain my tears as I listened to them celebrate. Finally after at least a minute had gone by, Urs began to settle down and said, "Maybe we should listen for a moment to what Moxie has to say." I said, "No, keep going! This is the best reaction and I love it!" To which they laughed and immediately started screaming and whooping again.
Finally Mia explained their recount of receiving the email. Urs checked first and called Mia in to view the pictures along with him. The first time through the slideshow, they didn't realized that I had included captions with each of the pictures. When they got to the picture of the tests, Mia thought that maybe I'd sent along random pictures of positives for her to visualize. She's done a lot of visualization through this entire cycle and she honestly thought I was just helping her along with that a little. They decided to go through the slideshow a second time and that's when they noticed the captions. Urs said that when they read the message on the picture with the tests, the conversation between them went a little like this:
Urs: Wait a minute….does that mean…?
Mia: I don't know! I thought these were someone else's tests! I thought this was just for visualization!
Urs: Well it says to call her!
Mia: But it's so early!
Urs: But look what she writes here – CALL NOW – it's in all capitals! So she must want us to CALL NOW!
Mia: Oh, my God! Is it really…could these really be our tests?
Urs: Let's call and find out! I can't wait one more minute! Hurry – get the phone!
I love it. We talked and laughed for the next 20 minutes or so. I can picture them over there today beaming 1,000 Watt smiles and making plans.
Mia does not have room for any thoughts of fear and if she does, I know that she's pushing the back and away as she has done from the start of this cycle. She refuses to let a single shred of pessimism settle long enough to gather dust. I am overjoyed, but I do have nervousness that I am trying to ignore. I've had a chemical before and my happiness that we've come this far will be edged with a bit of trepidation until we have our beta on Wednesday. I feel that we have many hurdles to cross before I'll be able to relax completely, but for now, I am happy.
Getting this far in and of itself is a huge accomplishment. To those of you who are new here, our cycle in March yielded poor, weak eggs, a low fert rate, bad quality embryos, and nothing to freeze. The RE first suggested moving on to egg donor, then said that they could try one more cycle with her eggs. He tweaked her protocol by adding in a growth hormone called Saizen and the change was nothing short of amazing. This time 18 eggs were retrieved, 13 fertilized, 8 made it to blast, 2 perfect ones were transferred to me, and 4 were frozen. When you view it in that light, it's no wonder that Mia and Urs have such unbridled joy, especially given the great lengths they're going through for this journey. In ten years they've only had four natural pregnancies which resulted in three first trimester losses and a devastating loss at 24+ weeks. They've also had four failed IVF cycles. Crossed the ocean to embark on gestational surrogacy and had one failed GS/IVF. Now we have a positive. They deserve it. I want this so badly for them.
We have a chance!