Weighing the options

When we had our day-long marathon first visit to the clinic in February, Dr. Sleepy said that he felt he could get and keep Mia pregnant. Mia and Urs entertained the idea just long enough to ask what he would do differently, then they dismissed it just as quickly as the topic had entered the conversation. Dr. Sleepy always agreed with her European doctor's diagnosis of a type of immunological incompatibility (probably dealing with antiphospholipid issues), but he said that pending further testing, he could probably treat the problem. He implied but didn't explicitly state that testing for and treatment of recurrent pregnancy loss is more sophisticated here in the States than it is in their home country, and that if they ever wanted to explore the option of Mia carrying her own pregnancy, he could run a panel of tests on her.

The poor retrieval and fert rate in March led Dr. Sleepy to believe that egg quality had also been a factor in Mia's previous inability to achieve and maintain a pregnancy. At first he recommended moving straight to donor egg, then said that they could try one more cycle with Mia's eggs with the addition of the growth hormone Saizen added in to her protocol. As many of you know, Mia and Urs chose this option. We also talked at great length about other options, to include the possibility of a dual transfer to both Mia and to myself if she had the testing and got good results. The clinic did not allow us to do a dual transfer, but Mia still decided to proceed with the testing while she was here in May so that she and Urs had a full scope of the options available to them. Her test results came back good; the issue isn't so bad that it can't be treated and Dr. Sleepy has every reason to believe that she can complete a healthy pregnancy, especially if and when they have to proceed to DE. He is not discouraging them from surrogacy; he understands that attempting pregnancy is as much of a mental challenge as it is a physical one, and he is completely supportive of whatever route they take next.

I am equally supportive. Being their surrogate is not my priority. Doing whatever I can as a friend to help them have a baby is my main priority, even if that means sitting along side Urs and holding both of their hands as Mia is the one in the stirrups for a transfer. I just want to see them become parents, and how they get there is far less important than the fact that they just get there.

They are taking some time to think, and I've encouraged them to take as long as they need. I can only imagine how difficult this decision is for them. Mia sounds more encouraged than ever before about her body's ability to carry her baby, but with three mid-to-late first trimester miscarriages and one devastating loss at 24 weeks (all from natural pregnancies) and three failed IVFs (excluding my two transfers), the question is more about her emotional ability to attempt pregnancy than it is about her physical ability to do so. I think that they are leaning more in the direction of transferring to her and are using this time to let the concept sink in before saying for sure that that is what they want to do. No matter what they ultimately decide, I will still be with them through every step of the way, happily supporting and encouraging my friends as they continue forth on their journey to parenthood.

In related news, I have not started bleeding yet and the longer it takes, the edgier I get. I don't even feel the slightest hint of pressure or cramping. I do, however, feel fleeting bouts of the all-day nausea that is usually rolling into full swing by this point in pregnancy. Somewhere in my mind I am vaguely aware that I am approaching week 6 of what should have been a healthy pregnancy. The nausea coupled with the knowledge that this is not a viable pregnancy was enough to tip me over the edge, and I spent yesterday hiding and crying on and off all day. It did not make for a completely happy Father's Day for Frank, given the fact that he was so concerned about me. He should have been the one catered to, yet he was the one doing the catering. God bless him. I think maybe I'll keep him. Expect to hear lots of gushy stuff about Frank the Fantastic Fartknocker in the next couple of weeks, as our 12th anniversary is on the 22nd and his birthday is July 6. 

And finally, if you haven't been over to Vet Mafia Bloggers yet, what the freak are you waiting for? Go gangsta and post yourself into the Mafia. Big ups to my fellow Vet hustlas. That means you. There's lots of sarcasm with a side of snark and you'll be in the good company of people who get it. Everyone's doing it and you don't want to get left behind in the dust, do you? I have no shame in resorting to peer pressure.

13 Comments

  1. DC on June 16, 2008 at 8:44 pm

    All the cool kids are doin’ it. Don’t you wanna’ be cool? You know, gangsta cool??
    I’m sorry the last few days have been emotional for you. Totally understandable. It sounds like you have a fantastic hubby, though. I agree that you should keep him. 🙂



  2. Queenie on June 16, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    I’m so down with the VMB. . .although, I’m not much of a vet, compared to y’all. But it gave me a great laugh today, and I love anything snarky, and I’ve had plenty of people say crappy things and totally not get it, so perhaps I can be at least an honorary member.
    I’m sorry this process is being dragged out. I think your attitude for Urs and Mia is amazing. She’s had a tough road–I can see why this is a difficult decision for them. Why wouldn’t the clinic do a dual transfer?



  3. # 1 Stalker on June 16, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    Moxie, I just have to say you are what any surrogate should try to be to their IP’s…a FRIEND! You show such compassion, understanding, and dedication to IP’s struggle…one can only be so lucky to have you in their corner. Whatever the future holds..I hope you never stop pursing your dreams…especially with such a GREAT Husband like yours!! Want to do a Husband Swap??



  4. luna on June 17, 2008 at 1:47 am

    hope mia and urs come to some good decisions and wishing them well as they move ahead. I wish for you that your body would keep moving forward too. it sucks that you have to be nauseous and emotional without the viable pregnancy…
    oh, and our 12th is on the 30th!



  5. Wishing4One on June 17, 2008 at 7:36 am

    You are amazing. The strength you write about, your concern for Mia and Urs, you are the best surrogate anyone could choose really.
    I wish I could choose you, hey maybe if we go that route I will!
    Sending you big hugs and wishing that the days get easier for you my friend. oxoxoxoxo



  6. Wishing4One on June 17, 2008 at 7:38 am

    Oh me too, it will be 12 baby-less married years for us next week!
    Thanks too for gansta link, I’m goin’ gansta right now….and will link to em too, too cute!



  7. PJ on June 17, 2008 at 9:17 am

    Dr. Sleepy! hahahaaaa! I’m just now catching up and missed that part, but I guess it’s a tough job!
    It would be great if she could carry full term. However, after so much heartache, I don’t know if I’d have the strength.
    Sorry to hear about your lousy Sunday. I hope by now you have a little closure. Hugs



  8. tash on June 17, 2008 at 9:24 am

    All a lot to process, but they’re very fortunate people to be going through this with you.
    And as for you: please take care of yourself. Please ask for another beta if you’re concerned, or an u/s. Follow up. I let this go during my m/c, and it turned into a four month debacle. (Granted I knew much much less about the whole process then than I do now. “Beta? What is this beta of which you speak?”)



  9. sara on June 17, 2008 at 9:36 am

    I hope that things more forward quickly physically for you so that you can start to get even a tad bit of closure and more forward. It is so nice of you to be so in tune with Mia and her husband when this can’t be easy on you as well. Your husband sounds like a great one, I’m glad because you deserve to have a great one 🙂 Sending some hugs your way!



  10. Carrie27 on June 17, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Knowing that you are going to m/c I think would be harder then not knowing. I only know the not knowing part, which was horrible, but waiting for it to happen has got to be worse. I’m sorry for all of you!
    Another anniversary coming up…any big plans?



  11. surrogate on June 17, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    Hang in there.



  12. Io on June 17, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Oh K-smarty, how crappity that your body doesn’t want to cooperate. I think Farty Frank sounds like a keeper.
    What a difficult decision for Mia and Urs. I think the mental challenge would be too much for me. I hope they are able to make a decision that works for them.



  13. Kate on June 17, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    Mia and Urs are lucky to have a friend like you by their side, who cares and has their best interests always at heart. Take care of yourself now, as this sad outcome proceeds. xo
    And *I* am lucky you were cool enough to create VMB. The Barren-ness is DOWN with this gang!