Late last night I noticed that I had a lot of lower back pressure, then a bit later I realized I had started spotting. I popped some preventative Motrin and knocked back a Mike-arita, sighed morosely, then went to bed.
This morning I woke up feeling like every organ south of my ribcage had unattached themselves and were loosely jostling with every step I took. Even my thighs, knees, and feet hurt – what the shit is up with that? I took a nap and woke up feeling a bit better – or so I thought. I got up to help Frank put away some groceries and my legs wobbled in protest, my back screamed for mercy, and every reproductive organ seemed to flip inside out and drop to the bottom of my pelvis. Lesson learned. Stay flat; gravity is not my friend right now. Got it. Good times, man, good times.
I talked to Mia today, and aside from concern and worry for me, she is doing very well, which was very good news for me to hear. We talked more about the next step and she confirmed that my hunch was correct. The time they are taking to think is less about which choice to make and is more about feeling completely comfortable with the choice they have made. The enlightenment that she's developed from her "new positive way of thinking" (which she calls it), the four frozen excellent-quality blasts, and the reassurances from Dr. Sleepy have greatly encouraged her and are restoring a level of trust in her body. As she explains it, they know they would like to take the chance, but feeling completely confident enough to take that step forward is a process. It hasn't sunk in completely yet, but it's getting there. Proceeding with surrogacy is still an option on the table, but it's not the main course anymore, per se. I am glad for them; once moving on with surrogacy, not many intended parents are given a second chance, so to speak. As harrowing as it may be for them, it's a gift.
Tomorrow will be an emotionally weird place. In the midst of all of this I have to have another beta drawn, and then from there I will immediately switch gears and spend the afternoon at Chuck E. Cheese in celebration of Kyra and Jaiden's 7th birthday. On one hand is the 7 year mark of the end of my struggle and on the other is…the end of the non-pregnancy for Mia and Urs. It will be another day for compartmentalizing.