Thank you for not leaving me to stand there like an idiot

All of the sudden my neurons are firing and thanks to the recommendations of several commenters, I have fodder for a whole assortment of future posts.

Some posts will have kid-involvement because a few folks requested Cinco de Mio stuff. Erin asked for the Brat Pack to take her on a tour of our neighborhood. On her blog Just Off Magazine, Erin posts lots of wonderful pictures of her beloved New Orleans and also of her and her husband’s many travels across the country, so I’ll do our tour photo-style a la Erin. Io, Kathy, and Chicklet also asked for some tales from the zoo that is my house. From the stories I tell, you might think that all we do is sit around and talk about farts. And well…you would be sorta right.

Sara asked in general for stories about anything, up to and including mold. I’m sure she was just joking when she suggested that I write about mold, but I actually do have a ridiculous story about homegrown spores. Ask and ye shall receive. Kenya, Ms. J, and Kathy either requested more stories or gave lists of general questions such as what my favorite movies, books, and childhood memories are. Bleu is having a hard time imagining my favorite band as being Steely Dan, so I’m planning on sharing how my musical love affair with Walter Becker and Daniel Fagen began.

Becky commented yesterday also. She could use a hug and some support for tomorrow’s OB appointment. She’s had a lot of bleeding and spotting and understandably, is freaked. Please go show her some love if you haven’t done so already.

Finally, Nic asked to hear more about my subfertility, so a few more posts from that direction will be coming along somewhere in the coming days.

I hardly know where to begin! I’ll start with something funny tomorrow, I think. In the meantime, here’s a conversation from today:

Jaiden: Mom, why can’t we see air?

Me:  Because it’s an invisible gas. We can’t see it, but you know it’s there.

Kyra: Like when you fart – that’s gas and you can’t see it. (everyone erupts in laughter)

Kaelyn: I FARTED!

Jordan: Yeah, Kaelyn farted in the bathtub and I saw the bubbles. So is that still invisible gas even though I saw the bubbles?

Jaiden: Yeah, it’s still a gas. The bubbles just let you know it’s there so you can stop breathing in time so you don’t smell it. It’s like a signal that way.

Kyra: Like when you hear an ambulance, that’s how you know to get out of the way. Baby Me thing with farts in the tub: you see the bubbles – you get out of the way and stop breathing. WARNING! WARNING!

Me: (to Frank) They learn about states of matter this year in second grade. We’d better start prepping the twins now not to bring up farts at the teacher’s mention of properties of gas.

Kyra: What are states of matter?

Me: Solids, liquids, and gasses. Solids are things that are hard, liquids are things like water and juice, and gasses are like air, water vapor, and well…farts. Water can be all three. The water you drink is a liquid. If you freeze it into ice, it’s a solid. When you boil it and see the steam, that’s a gas. We can do some experiments at home with states of matter.

Jaiden: OH! I GET IT! Farts are gas. Okay so, if you have diarrhea like I did when I was sick that time it’s like a liquid, and poop is like a solid fart, right? I’m so smart! (tapping his temple) Only a professional genius would have figured that out!

Me: (to Frank) God, help us.


8 thoughts on “Thank you for not leaving me to stand there like an idiot”

  1. ROTFLMAO, you sure have some sweet kids, waaay too funny.
    Does subfertility mean your being a surrogate? If so great, if not I would like to hear more about that, it fascinates me really.
    I am just looking forward to reading more about everything, yeah!

  2. Oh my lord, Jaiden IS a professional genius! Priceless! But I’m sure second grade teachers get to hear all about farts so I’m sure they’re used to it.

  3. The more I read your blog, the more I am convinced you’re family. Farting merits much discussion in my house as well. Only it’s usually grownups talking…

  4. Have to admit I don’t usually dig stories about other people’s kids, but that was hilarious, brilliant, silly, and wonderful all mixed together. There’s a lot of laughter and fun — and love and trust — in your household. Thanks for sharing that!

  5. The funny thing is that I have a funny story about mold myself. It actually involved my college dorm building. Craziness, I’ll have to hear yours someday.

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