What do The Dating Game and picking a traditional surrogate have in common?

Nothing!

Finding traditional surrogacy
IP's and a traditional surrogate are not like a dating service. 

There
are a lot of questions to ask on both sides.
I would have to say the most
important is to really talk in depth about terminating/relinquishing the
parental rights of the surrogate.

-Is she ok with that and why?
-Are the
IP's ok with that?

Other considerations are the surrogate's health
history.
-chronic diseases
-terminal conditions
-extremely unhealthy
lifestyles (morbidly obese, cigarette smoking, alcohol abuse/addiction, illegal
drug abuse/addiction)
-addictions in other family members
-depression (I
know that is a hard point to address for most people, but depression is
something to take seriously and its something that people are finding is
genetic)

This is a point I don't like seeing when I hear about people
looking for a traditional surrogate, but to each their own. You can not
genetically manufacture the perfect person with traditional surrogacy (or egg
donation!).  I know from just personal experience and being around the surrogacy
world, the genetics can be a roll of the dice and you never know what you can or
could get. (Sorry, Barbie is plastic and cannot be duplicated.)

I think
personality, personality, personality, is the most important feature in intended
parents via TS (traditional surrogacy) and surrogates via TS. 

I like to
compare surrogacy to marriage.  You meet- if you like each other you start
dating (or getting to know each other in the surrogacy world).  After awhile,
you decide its time to get married (signing contracts and agreeing to work with
each other-surrogacy side).  And then your committed to each other for a long
time (pregnancy, and if you're not in a good relationship this surrogacy can
last FOREVER), and then your separation (the birth, we all have to separate from
our IP's and our SM's).  If you have a good relationship in this you can
separate easily and have a life long friendship-relationship.  If you don't,
OUCH, that one can hurt all the parties, but the person it hurts that most is
the child. 

In traditional surrogacy you always have to be thinking
about the child.  One year from now.  Ten years from now.  Twenty years from
now.  

And with that being said.  Openness and honesty are the two keys
to any successful surrogacy whether it be traditional or gestational. 

Make sure that openness and honesty are two qualities that you feel
comfortable with in traditional surrogacy. 

That's all from Chuck
Woolery for tonight!

This post brought to you by Jenn, the guest blogger for traditional surrogacy.

3 Comments

  1. Former IM on August 13, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    I’ve been following along with the recent posts and the surrogacy gauntlet looks rough. I’m even more impressed with what you do for IP’s now that I have a clearer understanding of the process. You are one awesome person!



  2. luna on August 14, 2008 at 2:03 am

    so much of this is true in open adoption too. honesty and openness of course, about expectations and commitments. focus on what would benefit the child. and especially making that connection with the birthmother/parents because they are likely to be part of your family forever. that seems so important. thanks!



  3. Rayven, 2xGS on August 15, 2008 at 10:05 am

    I disagree to a certain extent on the original question “What do the dating game and picking a traditional surrogate have in common?”
    The poster answered “nothing” but that’s not entirely true. Finding a surrogacy match is much like dating….in the beginning.
    You get those butterflies in your stomach. You look for someone you can be compatible with. Emotions are high, and you do a lot of hoping an praying that you will meet the perfect person for you.
    I agree with the rest of the post, and there is no Barbie out there waiting for you to snatch her up, but then, is there really a perfect Mr. Right either? My husband is the perfect match for me, but let me tell you, he’s no Ken!