Conversation with my scale

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: Long time, no see.

Me: Yeah, whatever. Just give me the damage.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: … … …

Me: Hello?

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: I'm still thinking…it takes a while to count that high.

Me: Shut up. Are you finished yet?

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: Maybe I'd be able to think better if a.) you quit talking to me and b.) if I wasn't so squished.

Me: *sigh*

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: 191.0 lbs

Me: Surely, you jest.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: Do I look like I'm laughing?

Me: Maybe I should go pee.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: Like THAT's going to make a difference.

Me: I'll take off all my clothes, too.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: Why couldn't I have been made into something else like a toaster? Or a gun.

Me: *peeing, stripping*  Keep it up, and I'll shove you in the garage with the spiders and go back to using your antiquated cousin, Mr. Needle-Point-to-the-Weight.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: Promise?

Me: Okay, weigh me again.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: The view from here is scary. Put your clothes back on.

Me: Well, hurry up and weigh me, then.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: 188.8

Me: SUCCESS! I already lost more than three pounds.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: I hate my life.

Me: So. I don't like you, either. And you have a stupid name. And yo' mama's a handheld fart detector.

Health-o-Meter Digital Scale: I really hate my life.

26 thoughts on “Conversation with my scale”

  1. I don’t know what’s more disturbing — that there’s actually a product that DETECTS FARTS (?!) or that it’s out of stock on that website. Terror.
    Speaking of terror, I hear you on talking to your scale. I only weigh myself buck naked, the second I wake up, after I pee. And if I don’t like the results, sometimes I try again right away and try to stand more ‘lightly’.

  2. okay, i’ve had the same conversation with my health-o-meter digital scale. And yes, it’s a health-o-meter also. heh. I guess they ALL think they are funny.
    By the way, I know you didn’t respond to my “please give me your url so I can add you to my reader” plea, but damn it, I added you anyway.

  3. LOL – I think there are a lot of us having similar conversations these days. I weighed myself on my home scale, and it looks like I lost 1 lb. One measly lb. But I’ll take it. And then, to make myself feel horrible again, I went and climbed on the gym scale this morning again. The good news – 1lb less there also!! But I’m not giving up Moxie – I’m going to keep at it till I feel sexy ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. I too will only step on the scale while completely naked, after peeing, before eating and before showering (as I’m sure wet hair would add some serious pounds). It’s always a huge shock when the scale at my RE registers a much, much higher (fully clothed and pee-filled) number.

  5. I think our scales are quite possibly related.
    I’ve ignored mine for a while now. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

  6. I just discovered your blog through ICLW. I’ve never struggled with IF, but have a good friend who did and so ended up reading blogs through her. I really appreciate your (and others’) willingness to share your journeys. I know it is great support for people who do struggle with IF, but it’s also so helpful for those of us who don’t but want to support loved ones who do to be able to read these stories and get a bit of a better idea of what it’s like and how to be there in some way…Thanks. Oh, and 4 kids and teaching Middle School–wow! You seriously rock!

  7. I refuse to weigh myself. I judge my weight on how much I have to suck it in to button my pants and if I can breath afterwards.
    F**K Scales!!!!

  8. You see? THIS is why I don’t have a scale. It would only run off with my coffee maker and conspire to electrocute me in my sleep while the radio alarm keeps watch. Hmph.

  9. OMG too funny! That was hilarious. I talk to my scale too. Sigh. The bargaining and pleading never seems to work like I want it to. Crap!
    And uh, a HANDHELD FART DETECTOR?!? Fo reals? That’s fabulous ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. OMG… Moxiemie Moxie,
    I soooooooo thought you were kidding about the fart detector! I know what I’m getting you for Christmas so you can blame the right sister when someone lays one on in the house!

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