Gratias tibi ago quod es*

Joy Inside My Tears ~ Stevie Wonder
listen here

I've always come to the conclusion that "but" is a way
Of asking for permission to lay something heavy on one's head.
So I have tried to not be the one who falls into that line,
But what I feel inside I think you should know-

And baby that's you – you – you
Made life's history
'Cause you've brought some joy inside my tears.
And you have done what no one thought could be-
You've brought some joy inside my tears.

I've always felt that tomorrow is for those who are too much afraid
To go past yesterday and start living for today.
I feel that lasting moments are coming far and few between,
So I should tell you of the happiness that you bring-

Baby, baby it's you – you – you
Made life's history
Oh baby, you've brought some joy inside my tears.
Baby, you have done what no one thought could be-
You brought some joy inside my tears


With his soulful refrains of "baby, baby, it's you – you – you," I'm fairly sure that Stevie intended for this to be a gentle song of gratitude to a lover. However, In the Days of the Empty Uterus, I always imagined myself singing this song to my future child. I pictured myself in a rocker cradling a downy, blanket-swaddled newborn, the two of us surrounded by the soft, amber glow of a nightlight. The baby had fallen asleep long before, but I held him just because he was mine to hold. Stroking his cheek, I'd sing to him this song, telling him how he did what no one thought could be and brought some joy inside my tears.

This song was a salve, a healing image on which I could fixate my hopes and my heart.


This is just a speck, an insignificant blip of a blog that barely registers on the consciousness of the greater blogging universe. I am no Dooce (though I do admittedly have grandiose pipe-dream fantasies of gaining Dooce-like popularity to the extent that people want to pay me big dog bucks for some advertising space – any takers out there? Give me a dollar and I'll pimp your product). I'm just me. 

I don't roll in huge numbers, but there is something to be celebrated here:

8 months, 3 days
98 feed subscribers
224 posts

2000 comments? Granted, a few of those were comments that I made, but still – 2000? It's a number I stand in awe of. That number represents those of you who've walked along this path with me. You've offered your hands in applause for my successes and your arms in support for my defeats. Each and every comment had been cherished. You've made me laugh and smile in times when I had nothing but sadness. And that, my friends, is worth more than cash cow popularity. Of all the things you've given me, what I am most grateful for is that in my times of need, you've brought some joy inside my tears.

I feel as if I have accepted from you far more than I have returned, so I want to give something back to each of you – an opportunity for solicited and unabashed bragging. In the comments, leave me the link to your favorite post that you've
ever written. Tell me why you chose that particular post, and I'll make
a personal visit to read and I will thank you personally in your comments. Don't have a blog? Comment anyway, and I'll email my thanks to you. Are you a lurker? (I know you're out there, because though I've never counted, I'm quite sure that I haven't seen 98 different people comment here before.) Now's a good time to delurk and say hi. I want to thank you personally, too. To everyone, enjoy reading each others' best work. Maybe we'll all pick up a few more subscribed readers and comments, thereby inching us ever so slightly closer to Doocedom. 

I've been watching my comment count closely for the past couple of weeks and have waited anxiously to hit 2000. I've had this post waiting in the wings for that marker, and also planned to send my 2000th commenter a special prize. My 2000th comment was dropped this evening, and the winner is <drum roll, please> ….

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR <—–that's my lame attempt at a drum roll, but it simply must be there for proper dramatic effect…BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…….

Tash of Awful but Functioning and Glow in the Woods! If you don't already know Tash (not know Tash? How is that possible?), she is a Smart One to get to know. Razor-sharp but open-hearted and warm, it is impossible to read this lostbaby mama's strikingly profound words and not feel moved and somehow connected. Ironically enough, yesterday she put up a post at Glow called "Thankful." I am thankful for you, Tash – thank you for being here. And yes – I do think you deserve a weekend. to. yourself. away. I am without plane tickets and a week's stay at a tranquil Jamaican resort, but I have a few things for you that are conducive to pampering. Shoot me an email and tell me where to send your package.


I am thankful for you all. Thank you for the laughter and the kindness and for being the joy inside my tears. *I thank you because you are.

19 thoughts on “Gratias tibi ago quod es*”

  1. Wait! Wah? Huh? (whisper voice:) I never win ANYTHING!
    I’ve said this elsewhere, but part of what I really like about blogging is reading and commenting. In fact, sometimes that’s more psychologically interesting to me than just dumping my feelings out on my own blog. You never know what someone is going to say, and how it’s going to hit you, and how it’s going to work that forgotten, overlooked part of your brain.
    Gah, not sure I have a favorite really. Just so pleased and humbled that you read along. Will email when I get 5 seconds to myself today.

  2. I think I have commented once or twice before- but I am mainly a lurker… so hi!
    What a lovely song & image to hold on to.
    Congratulations on hitting 2000! Very impressive.
    I don’t really have a favorite post- I’m a bad blogger lately & I am in the transitional phase, so I am not even really sure what to blog about some days! Always enjoy reading here though – Thanks!

  3. I’m sure that I’ve commented a few times: Those numbers are certainly impressive though. I think I only have 9 people subscribed to my blog lol
    I honestly don’t know what my favorite post is.

  4. Hey amazing lady, congratulations on 2000! Wow, thats amazing! I am at 9,912 visitors and am waiting for that 10,000. I would so love to send something to someone from cairo, but mail blows and FEDEX is too expensive, so maybe I will create an email gift…
    I must share with everyone, you are one of MY favorites! Been having major laptop issues, so been bad at posting and reading, but I often think of you. Think of how amazing you are as a surrogate and love reading your posts. Your surrogacy tells us how unselfish you are, how loving and caring you are and what a great woman you are. And I think I love you….
    LOLLLL really I do dig ya lady, you knew that! xoxoxoxoxoxo
    (Oh I have to say how I so love Mia’s bellymommy word. Waaay too cute!)
    Will have to go scour and see if any of my posts “jump” out at me as a fav….be back soon.

  5. Semi-lurker here. Love your posts and read them faithfully. Most of what I know about Latin I learned watching Frasier: “Semper ubi sub ubi” (always wear under wear).

  6. Congratulations on hitting 2000 comments. I haven’t commented in a while, but I’m still lurking. πŸ™‚ I hope you reach Dooce-dom one day, your writing is definitely deserving.

  7. Wendy (hopefulsm)

    Ok I’m a lurker. I think I’ve commented once before, also admitting to being a lurker. But I enjoy reading your thoughts. Congrats on hitting 2,000! My blog is though I can’t think of a specific favorite post. Mostly I ramble. πŸ™‚

  8. Wow! 2000 comments – that is way cool!! Hmmm, not sure what my favourite post would be but I know you visit me anyway πŸ˜‰ so THANK YOU…

  9. Dude, if I had a product, I would totally give you a dollar to shill it. Maybe I need to invent something so when you get cashcowpopular I can be like, yeah, I recognized. And then people will buy my product because you recommended it.

  10. Congrats on the 2000! That rocks.
    I don’t have a favorite post of my own, I don’t think. I’m still pretty new to all this. I mostly write about what life looks like now with my sweet baby girl in the picture and vent about her health problems. Ya know.

  11. And I am thankful to you, for making me laugh and for making me think, for sometimes making me feel lucky when you leave me a comment, and mostly for sharing you blog with you incredible voice.
    And, of course, I’m thankful for Tash (and for GITW), who wouldn’t be? πŸ™‚

  12. 2000 is awesome! I honestly can say that I love your blog and even if I don’t comment all of the time – I do read often and it always makes me either smile and laugh, stop and go “hmmmm….good point”, or cry because it is so honest. So thanks Moxie – and here’s to 2000 more responses πŸ™‚

  13. 98 subscribers, wow!
    I am so happy to have “met” you here! congrats on all the posts and comments! thanks for making me laugh, and for sharing your big heart.

  14. awe you are so sweet!!! yay for 2000 comments, thats such a great feeling hey?
    my fav post would be the one I did today, cause it was the happiest day of my life πŸ™‚

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