When my sister Chanel was four, she grabbed her bangs and cut them down to about an eighth of an inch.

When my sister Danielle was eleven, she locked herself in the bathroom. Hearing her anguished wails through the door, Chanel, Mom, and I ran to see what was wrong. It took us two hours of cajoling and many repeated promises not to laugh before she let us in. She finally opened the door – her right eyebrow was hacked to all be damned and there wasn't much left of the left eyebrow. With some creative trimming and liberal use of a brow pencil, I was able to salvage her face and she actually looked cute. She made me swear to never, ever tell anyone. Ahem.

When Kyra was three, she got tired of cutting paper and instead snipped about an inch from one of her ponytails. Thankfully, it wasn't that obvious.

A couple of days before last Christmas, Jaiden thought it would be a good idea to give himself a haircut.
Jaiden haircut

Yesterday morning, Kaelyn decided to give herself a haircut. She whacked off more than half of one of her braids. I shit you not. She said, "But I'm so cute," patting the remaining puff as if she'd just come from the beautician.

I flipped immediately into damage-correction mode and washed and dried her hair, the better to determine just how bad the hackage was. The right side: just under the shoulder. The left side: just under the chin. I had no recourse other than to even her hair out all the way around.

I cried.

Frank laughed. Hard. The fartknocker.

I should have taken a picture, specifically for future blackmail purposes. I wasn't thinking straight, with it only being 7 in the morning when she got happy with the scissors. Damned those advanced fine motor skills of hers.

Still, she really is cute with this new do of hers, and picture or not, I will still one day torture her with this story.

I never did anything stupid like whack my hair or my eyebrows. Did you? Do tell.

11 thoughts on “Scissored”

  1. When I was a nanny I stayed up late one night watching The Wall and decided at like 3am that I would start a new fashion trend and I shaved off my eyebrows. Well I think I shaved one and naired the other. It was bad though, I looked sooo alien after, and they sweat so much. My family made a ton of fun in really mean ways (big surprise) and I was very humiliated when I had to start Jr. College classes a few days later with no eyebrows. I penciled them in poorly and wore my glasses.
    I also never started a new trend.

  2. Right before a dance in eight grade. I stood on my tippy toes so I could see into the bathroom mirror. I squinted my eyes, inadvertently wrinkled my forehead and looked up so I could see the bangs I wanted to trim. When I was done and my heels had come back to ground and my forehead unwrinkled, I saw what was left of my 1/8 inch bangs. Apparently, hair appears longer with a wrinkled forehead.
    I’ll never forget it. It was the worst feeling to have done what I couldn’t undo. But, as bad as it looked, it didn’t keep me home from that dance? Maybe I thought the sweater I’d stolen out of my mom’s closet would distract everyone from the hair. Good luck with the growing out stages 🙂

  3. When I was about five, I cut my bangs off. Not short. Off. My mother cried. I laughed. For months, she made public service announcements to anyone that would listen that I had done it, not her. The poor woman was mortified.
    I still think it’s funny.

  4. When I was 12 or 13, I walked myself to a local hair cuttery and paid to have my very, very long hair cut somewhat shorter. It wasn’t risky (or stylish) and only marginally reduced my nerdiness, but it was a big, big, big statement about independence…not because anyone challenged my right to do what I had done (I wasn’t going to a location I didn’t go to independently routinely, and no one questioned my right to spend my money — whether allowance or earned — to do such a thing), but doing it unannounced was still a pretty big deal, in a good way.

  5. I to have beautified myself in a non-flattering way. What goes through your mind as a teenager? I cut my bangs and yes they looked like crap. There was no fixing them. To make matters worse Mom still went through with the Mi.lls photo shoot. So every time I visit I get a lovely reminder.

  6. Oh, Kaelyn…your mommy will have to post some pictures pre/post haircut.
    Moxie – I responded to your email last night but haven’t heard from you since. I’m afraid email is being stubborn again. If all else fails, send stuff to my yahoo too.
    Love you.

  7. In kindergarten I sat under the kitchen table with the scissors and took the hair so long I could sit on it and reduced it to a shaggy, spikey mess. Still not sure why I did that. But I promise I regretted it when my new do caused me to be mistaken for my brother a few weeks later.
    I also went through a phase around 6th grade where I would “trim” friends’ hair. My best friend, Tina, wanted her hair shoulder length – just an inch or so shorter than it was already. I got out the scissors and got to cutting but it kept coming out uneven. So I’d cut again to make it even, but then it would be too short on the other side. On and on and on until her “shoulder length” hair barely covered her chin. Oops.

  8. I didn’t do it myself…but it was done to me. My cousin was only 3 months older than me. At some point in the pre-school years, all the kids were outside grandma’s house playing. We were sitting on a large boulder at the edge of her property. He had a pair of scissors and convinced me he was a barber and should cut my very long hair. Now at the time it was in a ponytail that had been braided. He used the rubberbands as guides for his cutting. He cut just below the lower rubberband at the end of the braid and, thankfully, our older siblings caught him just in time. My brother pulled the scissors from his hand just before he squeezed them shut below the upper rubberband — right against my head!
    All scissors were then hidden and even the older kids who, in theory, wouldn’t do anything that crazy, had to ask an adult in order to use them in all three houses (grandma’s, our house and my aunt’s house).

  9. And one more for good measure. My husband used safety scissors at his grandma’s house in order to cut his way into the playpen his sister was in. While there, he cut her hair. When his grandma came in she was mortified and as she blustered away with the “what have you done’s” Mr. W looked at her with an evil little glint in his eye and said, “If you think that’s funny lady, you should see your cat!” He had cut the whiskers off of one side of the cat’s face! The poor cat apparently walked into walls as a result for some time. (And isn’t it funny that in his family that story is focused more on the cat involved than the people. Hmmmm…..)

  10. You guys are cracking me up with these! Miss W – thank GOD your cousin got caught before he whacked off the whole ponytail! I’m still laughing over the cat.
    Amber – did you get into any trouble for cutting your friend’s hair? LOL!
    Julia – you poor thing. That picture is still on friggin’ display? I made a special point to hide the most hideous childhood pictures of myself. I don’t even know where I put them anymore.
    Debbie – come to think of it, I did “trim” my bangs, also in the 8th grade. They weren’t horrible, but they were obviously too short, especially given my too-large forehead!
    Sara – you and my sister seem to have that in common! My mom did the same thing – she made a point to say “SHE did it” every time someone looked questioningly at my sister’s butchered bangs.
    Ack, Bleu – the demoralizing type of kidding is never welcome. I hope it didn’t take too long for your eyebrows to grow back in.

  11. Oh yes, I cut off hair that had come out of my ponytails at the root. It took forever for it to grow back in.
    Your infertility posts are so supportive. I have some friends I’ll tell about your blog.

Comments are closed.