Cheddar

Me: It's flippin' hot in here.

Frank: It's not hot in here. (swirling his hips a la Elvis) You're just hot for me, baby.

Me: You are so cheesy.

Frank: (arching an eyebrow) Am I like, government* cheesy, (now dropping his voice an octave into a deep, Rico Suave tone) or Velveeta cheesy?

Me: (gripping my stomach and writhing around on the bed while making horrid retching noises)  OH! THE AGONY! I NEED PEPTO! GIMME THE PINK STUFF! IMMODIUM-AD! TUMS!!!! GAS-X!!!

Frank: (flatly) And you're calling me cheesy?

*government cheese (as defined by Urban Dictionary):

A BIG, HARD MASS; A BLOCK OF ORANGE-YELLOW PROCESSED "USDA CHEESE FOOD" ISSUED BY "DA GUBMENT" United States GOVERNMENT
to aid needy families by supplementing their food resources. Used for
making Grilled Cheese Sandwiches and Macaroni & Cheese but ALSO
CAUSES severe, bowel obstructing constipation, silent but deadly stinky
gas, and / or "the runs" diarrhea in those who are lactose intolerant.  ex: I just got some Government Cheese, but I'm not gonna make a grill cheese sandwich cause it gave me the runs last time I ate it.

11 Comments

  1. Nancy on October 15, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    I grew up on government cheese. And powdered milk. With 6 kids and my mom being a stay at home mom, my dad working at a gas station at night to attend school during the day, it’s how I remember childhood.
    But I don’t remember it as causing any issues intenstinally. I remember our family, together, cutting the cheese. (oh god, I couldn’t help it.)



  2. Kari on October 15, 2008 at 9:50 pm

    I loved me some government cheese!!! No intestinal issues to speak of here, lol I was also 1 of 6 kids and a widowed mother so that was how we servived as well. and I ain’t kidden our stuff was good, lol



  3. Io on October 15, 2008 at 11:13 pm

    Government cheese is freaking delicious dude.
    And you are both cheesy 🙂



  4. Nikki on October 16, 2008 at 12:23 am

    LOL – you’re both cheesy! Very cute!



  5. SCY on October 16, 2008 at 5:46 am

    I love cheese – especially of the human kind 😉



  6. Mommy Lady on October 16, 2008 at 7:55 am

    Oh wow… is that why Chanel has her tummy problems? You know you use to take giant chunks of the stuff with some crackers and had tea parties with it. 🙂



  7. Chanel on October 16, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    Awww yes…an ode to gubment cheese. “in my bubba voice*….you can TRY TO burn it, melt it, grill it, sautee it, bbq it….there’s ummm…fried cheese, baked cheese, cheese sticks, cheese balls,….
    thats…..thats about it.



  8. Becky on October 16, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    Cheese-tastic. And I love it.



  9. Alicia on October 16, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    LOL!! ha ha you and Frank are so funny 🙂 and so cute



  10. anymommy on October 16, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    Now I have learned a new word. I am still laughing. Awesome.



  11. Chanel on October 17, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    LOL funny one Chanel