Email from coworker –


Addicted much, Melanie? I didn't realize anyone was counting.

She reads "that infertility stuff," but especially likes the happy sunshine posts about el Cinco and Frank the Fantastic Fartknocker.

So, for Melanie and anyone else sniffing around for the next Smart One fix, I will have a real post up tonight or tomorrow, but there won't be any star sprinkles and rainbow twinkles because my mood is in le toilete and is three spins away from a full flushing.

More later.

As an aside:

As I typed the above, an image of an animated turd with outstretched arms screaming "NOOOOO!!!" and swirling round and round in a flushed toilet floated into my mind. On one hand, that's disgusting. I am not in the habit of visualizing grossness like talking defecation and thinking such things are funny. You know those Mucinex commercials with the cartoon mucous and the Tinactin commercials with the talking foot fungus? Serious gross-out. If I'm eating when those types of commercials come on, I seriously have to look away, lest I get nauseous. On the other hand, I just totally cracked myself up with that thought, to the extent that I've given myself a borderline fit of the giggles. I have issues. 

Help me get out of the toilet and tell me what some of your funny personality quirks are.

If I haven't been around, it's not 'cause I don't love ya. It's just…y'know – that whole toilet thing.

17 thoughts on “Craptastic”

  1. So sorry you’re mood is in the toilet. I wish I had something funny with which to cheer you up. I can’t think of any funny personality quirks of mine, except that I can’t sleep if the bed is not made well when I get in it and the sheets must be snugly tucked for me to feel cozy. My brother, on the other hand, has allowed his quirky pull my finger and armpit farting talents to cross over into adulthood. In his late thirties no less. He thinks it’s still funny and sometimes, actually, so do I.

  2. So, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, I’ve decided to learn to make bread. From scratch. I have no idea why, and I’m assuming this will pass soon. Otherwise I’m going to gain about 40 pounds.

  3. I asked Al if I had any weird personality quirks and to my shock, SHOCK I tell you, he did not hesitate before rattling off a few. I will only list the first. Apparently when I talk on the phone I change the way I talk to sound like whoever I am talking to. He always knows if I am talking to my dad because I speak in short bursts and grunts. If I talk to my mom I get her Chicago accent. I can only assume that when I talk to my sister I sound like myself since we sound alike…
    I hope you are able to climb out of the toilet soon.

  4. Umm, I can’t really think of any funny personality quirks of mine right now except that Nadia thinks that I cluck like a mother hen. I don’t agree with her but the image is sort of funny, sort of. Anway, more importantly, you rock!

  5. OMG! You too??? I wondered if I was the only one who had to change the channel or close my eyes when those nasty commercials come on!!! I also have to do it with cat litter commercials. WHY do they always have to zoom in on the poop? WE KNOW WHAT CAT LITTER IS FOR WITHOUT THE GROSS CLOSEUP!!!!

  6. I’m laughing at Io’s comment! My husband totally talks like one of his friends, only when he is talking to that friend. And then totally denies that he does it!
    Very often if I laugh too hard, I will hiccup. My husband thinks he’s really told a good one, if he can make me hiccup–like he uses that as a measure! This is especially effective if I have had a drink or two. When we’re with his mom and sister, sometimes they almost have a contest to see who can make me hiccup.
    Cuz, that’s fun and all.
    Cruel, isn’t it?

  7. Here’s mine –
    I love to read, not that odd but whenever I leave the library with a new book I literally skip with joy to my car. I am a loser.

  8. ok, no sh*t, for some reason on my way home tonight, I had the word “craptastic” in my head. no idea why or what, it just was. have you said that before, or is it just now? bizarre.

  9. My weird quirk is that it drives me crazy when someone erases a board (be it dry erase or chalk) but doesn’t erase it all. Why would that matter? Who the hell knows…but it does drive me crazy.

  10. Thanks for the entry.
    However it was a little weird that as you were typing about me all of a sudden you had the image of a doodie swirling around talking to you. Im’ not sure what that says about me!!!

  11. Circling the drain with you, m’dear. I especially hate it when those commercials come on during something we’re watching with Bella — because nothing enforces “Potty language isn’t funny” like a feces bacteria wearing sunglasses on a surfboard.
    Quirk? I flutter my eyelids when I’m pissed. I can’t do it on demand, though.

  12. i, too, was thinking this was a long time for you to go w/o posting.
    i get the whole toilet thing.
    personality quirk to make you laugh? i HATE sharing my towel with my husband. i will share a toothbrush no problem, but a towel? forget it. can you help me figure that one out? neither my husband nor i get it…

  13. Oh I am full of quirks. One of my most annoying/endearing is that I wiggle and rotate my feet CONSTANTLY. I do it without even knowing. Husband doesn’t love it. I hope you start feeling less toilety *new word, I’m bringing it to life*. Hugs to you and a wish for a GREAT day!

  14. haha that toliet thing mademe LOL! Keith has a fasination with animating poo, singing about poo, just saying it at random times. He even once had a whole room laughing by telling a dramatic story about how someone had to poo/fart so bad that when the explosion of farting was over that a reverse reaction was created and everything started getting sucked into the farting person, until the whole universe was in his body. He even had hand actions, facial expressions and running around motions to complete the whole stroy experience.
    So you do not have poo animating problems! haha
    I hope you are feelng more you again soon 🙂

  15. I am so selfish that I’m kind of glad you haven’t been posting. My internet connection has been (and still is) spotty at best, so I haven’t been able to come and hang out. I’m glad everyone isn’t having fun without me – see? Selfish. (Although it’s not like I wouldn’t have caught up later.) Once the interwebs is properly restored I’m going to be clamoring for new posts with the rest of them. You’ve been warned.
    (Thank you so SO much for the fabulous award, by the way. I can’t even fathom being one of *your* heroes – you’re so obviously the heroic one. But I love you for it anyway! And my wheels are turning, trying to decide who to pass it along to…)

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