Dropping deuces

Eight years ago today, I got two.

Halloween was on a Monday that year, and I was nearing the end of my second Clomid cycle. I'd felt different for most of the week before – an unrelenting pressure at the base of my pubic bone, a stiff tightness in the same area whenever I stretched, unquenchable thirst and insatiable hunger, and damn – did my boobs hurt.

Then there was the dream on Friday, three nights before the 31st. I dreamed that I'd taken a newfangled pregnancy test which not only revealed knockedupedness, but also revealed the gender of the baby – a pink squiggly line for a girl and a blue squiggly line for a boy. In the dream, I took the test and much to my surprise, there were two squiggles. One pink and one blue. The real me woke up just as the dream me felt her heart leap explosively through her chest. I sat up straight in bed, the rush of adrenaline and joy still racing through my veins. I gained my bearings and realized that I was only dreaming – my racing heart proved the reality of the adrenaline, but there was not yet anything concrete to justify the joy. Maybe some would have felt hugely disappointed to have been teased in such a manner,  but for me, the dream left in its wake a feeling of unbridled hope. Not the flimsy, pleading type of hope I'd felt cycle after long cycle through the past 2.5 years, but pure, undiluted genuine hope. Screw being scared and not wanting to let hope get the better of me. I was aloft and I relished the feeling, and I uncharacteristically clung close to it instead of brushing it away.

Three days later on the afternoon of Halloween, I found myself drawn away from the candy aisle and over to the pharmacy section. I had planned to test in another five days, which would have been 14dpo. Why not go ahead and get the tests and have them waiting? I scanned the boxes, still feeling the surge of renewed hope. This was the first time in two years I felt excited about buying pregnancy tests. This time, I wasn't buying tests in some sorry, superstitious ploy get my long-missing period to start. This time, I had a solid chance. Instead of grumbling and reluctantly grabbing the first box within arm's reach like I usually did, this time I perused the tests carefully. There was a new test on the shelf – NOW TEST FOUR DAYS BEFORE YOUR PERIOD! – I grabbed the pink and white First Response Early Detection package (back then it was FRED, not FRER), quickly throwing the plan not to test early to the wind. I was just off by one day, so what could it hurt?

I checked out with nothing but a hundred dollars worth of candy and a box of pregnancy tests. I sped home with the memory of those two squiggly lines in my mind.

Candy – flung on the floor. Box o' FREDs – gripped in hand. Bathroom door – slammed. Britches – dropped. One test dipped and set aside on the edge of the tub. I read the testing directions again, studying them intently as if I hadn't read pregnancy test directions a million times before. Full processing time is five minutes, but check after 30 seconds to ensure the test is working properly. I observed the second hand of my watch and when I saw that about 45 seconds had passed since the dipping, I cast a nonchalant glance to the right to check for proper travelling of the pee. Yup, two lines there, so it's working properly. Now just to wait for another 4 minutes or so for the resu….TWO LINES? I did a double-take. Rubbed my eyes. Two – yes, there were TWO lines. The familar white space of no was occupied by a pink, solid yes.

I ran out of the bathroom (remembering to pull up my pants only after I nearly tripped myself) and showed Frank. He looked at it with a confused expression. Then he saw the smile and tears on my face and gripped me into a tight hug. "Does this mean what I think it does?" he asked. I nodded yes, and he squeezed me tighter.

Two weeks later, our first ultrasound revealed twins. The week twenty ultrasound revealed that we were, in fact, having girl/boy twins. "Your wildest dreams come true" never made more literal sense than it did on that day.

At 37 weeks, I dropped deuces. Kyra Alexander and Jaiden Khalil. Kyra Bell and Jaiden Bug. Ki-Ki and J-Rock. Kyra Pie and Buckethead. K2 and J2.

Then later came Jordan Malik Vincent and even later came Kaelyn Imani-Rebecca L'Faye (yes, that's really her whole name). Jordy-Boy and K-Bop. Monkeyboy and Babycakes. Jo-Jo and Pixie.

1-2-3-4 — and it all started eight years ago today.

::::::::

In my last post, I mentioned how toilety I've been feeling and even likened my mood to a turd in mid-flush. Going along with the theme I started in Craptastic, if you didn't already know, "dropping a deuce" is actually a slang phrase for taking a dump. Pooping. Going number two. Dropping a deuce. Gross, right? 

No, it's hilarious.

Deuces + K2 + J2 + TJ = el Cinco, and yesterday they were running
around the living room doing silly dances and singing a new silly, made-up song. Somehow they got a hold of the phrase "dropping a deuce" along with "bust a grumpy" (which means to fart). They think that anything which deals with digestive output is matter of hysterical nature. As they bounced around the living room chanting

Bust some grumpaaaaays, drop some deuceeeehhhhs,
Bust some grumpaaaaays, drop some deuceeeeehhhs, 

I realized I didn't feel quite so crappy anymore. I couldn't.

Because they're the funniest little shits I've ever seen.

2008-2009 school year 048 2008-2009 school year 049

16 Comments

  1. Danielle on October 31, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    Ahhh the ever so funny, bathroom humor! It is a constant at out house. As much as I want to be an “adult” and tell them *children AND Husband* to stop it and have some manners, it really freakin funny! Glad you’re feeling better! Have a GREAT weekend!
    -D



  2. MommyLady on October 31, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    Moxie… remember what Frank did? To the gentle readers of this blog. Almost every year we have a haunted house and that Halloween we were determined to make it better than the one we had the year before.
    When I got to the house, the minute I walked in Frank gave me the pregancy test and I looked at the lines and was awestruck… I said, “wow Frank you peed on the stick and it came out positive????!!!!!”
    Duh!!!!!!!
    The day they found out it was twins, Frank handed me a box, with a pretty bow and in it were two pacifiers and two bibs. Pink and blue! I still have them.
    I sent you an email Moxiemie Moxie… with a post for your blog. I don’t know if you will still use it since you’re feeling better.
    Hugs!!!!!!!! I’m glad you are and I will see you later as we do the yearly Halloween thing. Love you!—–ML



  3. Kristin on October 31, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    What an incredible story.
    Hehehe, the dancing and singing sounds like something my boys would do.



  4. Amber on October 31, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    Do you ever wonder if that dream signified implantation? I had a similar experience when I was pregnant with my twins. I’ll never forget – 7dpo, standing in front of a dry erase board at work, looking at charts when suddenly I had an overwheming feeling of abundance. I’d never felt like that before (or since) and when 3 days later I learned I was pregnant I came to the conclusion that that feeling was the moment of implantation (if there is such a thing). Crazy feeling, for sure.
    Congrats on your happy anniversary!



  5. Kenya on October 31, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    I love your stories, lol.



  6. luna on October 31, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    love all the nicknames. but what made me choke was ‘bust a grumpy.’ still laughing about that one. for realz.



  7. anymommy on October 31, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    I think that is the best Halloween story I’ve ever heard. Incredible.
    And, bust a grumpy has been my favorite new term since the barking spider post! I am going to guess it is pretty tough to stay down in the toilet with that crew to love.



  8. Kristen on November 1, 2008 at 9:02 am

    Hahahaha! That’s hysterical about the song! They are pretty funny! 🙂
    The whole dream thing-that’s crazy! But amazing! What an awesome story!



  9. erin on November 1, 2008 at 10:17 am

    Maybe Charlie can come spend the weekend with you..to get updates on his potty jokes from el Cinco (they’d do wonders for him) and to get some cooking lessons from the Fab Fartknocker. Whatdaya say?



  10. WhichBox on November 1, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    No more lurking, I promise. Well, some lurking. But some commenting.
    Congratulations. A lot can change in only 8 years, hmmm?



  11. wishing4one on November 1, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    hey lady, what a wonderful tale you tell, always. i have so missed you! check me out, i quit, yes girl I did! no mo’ teachin’ for wishy, neva eva again, hear me?
    bustin a grumpy, now i have heard it all. xoxoxoxo



  12. Stacie Najera on November 1, 2008 at 11:41 pm

    Hi Moxie –
    I am new to your blog, which I love by the way. You’re a fantastic writer. I read one your “My life in three posts” and about your husband having MS. I, too have MS. Remitting-Relapsing MS to be exact. I just turned 28 but was diagnosed in 2005, right before my 25th birthday. I just had my first baby 4 1/2 months ago. I was just telling my husband a few hours ago that “What if I really don’t have MS?!” only because since being pregnant and now nursing for the past 4 1/2 months, I have not had a single MS symptom. I have been in remission since taking Copaxone injections a few months after my diagnosis. I did suffer a miscarriage in July 2007 in which I had stopped taking my injections. After I miscarried at 9w3d, I waited a little less than 2 weeks before taking my MS meds again, and I could really tell that things were starting to happen “a possible flare-up”. Anyway, I just found it interesting about your husband. I love how your story turned out.
    – Stacie (California)



  13. DeloresMelon on November 2, 2008 at 10:55 am

    I’m so glad I found your blog! I love it already!! Can’t wait to get caught up.



  14. Carrie on November 2, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    Thanks for letting us tag along with you all.
    Bright and early tomorrow a.m. I may end up sleeping during planning…but shhh!!!



  15. Io on November 2, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    Heh. I love your mom’s addition to the story. And I need you to start sharing all dreams so that we can see what comes true.



  16. How to Become an Official Member of the My Mafia on October 2, 2012 at 12:28 am

    […] of not using my own toilet to do anything more than peeing, I should be perfectly comfortable to drop deuces without 1) concentration-breaking bangs on the door, and 2) the compulsion to wither from […]