Blue Xmas

What happened to the turkeys!?! The big crepe paper foldout pumpkins and cornucopias? Pilgrims and maize and welcoming Native Americans? The autumnal oranges, yellows, crimsons, and browns have been shoved rudely aside to make way for the greens and reds of money and Santa suits.


Many stores here are already brightly lit with decorated Christmas trees and fake snow in their window displays. The unsold Halloween inventory barely hit the clearance aisles before the 1950's chorus of carolers is piped through stores' speakers, cheerfully singing about jingling bells and white Christmases. 

Advertisement works everyone into a near state of frenzy even before the jack-o-lanterns have shriveled up. Are you not shopping now? Have you not bought a single Christmas gift in the month of October? You SUCK, loser!  Shop NOW, you lazy consumer! SHOP NOW! Flood the crippled economy with your good tidings and good cheer, and half your income, too! Where's your gee golly jolly holly Christmas spirit, you Scroogie-Scrooge, you?

Bah. Freakin'. Humbug. 

Don't get me wrong – the Christmas/Kwanzaa holiday season is my favorite time of
the year. However, it ain't that time of the year yet. I detest the premature holiday cheer and the over-commercialization of a season that should be about simple, but important principles. The heart of the season, no matter the religion or holiday celebrated, is overshadowed by dollar signs.

It's like Christmas on crack, and it puts me in a foul mood.


From the infertility standpoint, we're getting into the thick of the demon season. Halloween through New Years is a landmine of traditionally rosy picture-perfect, child-centered moments. No other time of year (except perhaps Mothers' and Fathers' Day) are as difficult for many infertiles to deal with.

In my 2.5 years of trying, only the last year's holiday season was hellish. In the first two years, the holiday season reminded me of my childhood holidays. In the last year, the holiday season was a blatant, constant reminder of what I didn't have and couldn't seem to get.

On Thanksgiving Day, I was somewhere around cycle day sixty-something. The night before, I was terribly nauseous. The morning of, I found myself on my knees throwing up breakfast. I was sick for much of the remainder of the day, but was cautiously stupidly hopeful. Morning sickness? More like 24-hour stomach flu. Within a 24-hour period, I got it, Mom got it, my sisters Chanel and Dani got it. All but one of us got better within a day. Chanel kept puking, and on the Monday after Thanksgiving, we found out that she had morning sickness. I got my period as a consolation gift. Go, me. 

The remainder of the holiday season was all downhill after that. The whole month of December sucked big reindeer balls.

So, here's a song for those of you who are either already feeling bah-humbuggy or are preparing to do so. It's my favorite Christmas song.

Blue Christmas by Miles Davis
Listen here

Merry Christmas.
I hope you have a white one but for me its blue.
Blue Christmas – that’s the way you see it when you’re feeling blue.
Blue Xmas – when you’re blue at Christmastime you see right through
all the waste, all the sham, all the haste,
and plain old bad taste.

Sidewalk Santa Clauses are much, much, much too thin.
They’re wearing fancy rented costumes, false beards, and big fat phony grins.
And nearly everybody's standing 'round and holding out their empty hand or tin cup.
Gimme gimme gimme gimme. Gimme gimme.
Fill my stocking up –
all the way up.
It’s a time when the greedy give a dime to the needy.

Blue Christmas – all the paper tinsel and the fal de ral,
Blue Xmas – people trading gifts that matter not at all
What I call
Fal de ral
Bitter doll……Fal de ral.

Lots of hungry homeless children in your own back yards –
While you’re very, very busy addressing
twenty zillion Christmas cards.
Now, Yuletide is the season to receive or to give or to share,
But all you December do-gooders rushin' 'round and rant and rave and loudly blare
Merry Christmas. I hope yours is a bright one,
but for me it's blue.

6 thoughts on “Blue Xmas”

  1. Yeah. I'm not ready for Christmas stuff, especially since this year I can't really buy presents for anyone. And without kids it's just not fun.
    Le sigh.

  2. Not holiday season yet, I'm with you. And it sucks that it's so hard for so many. It's the worst time of year for people suffering from depression too. I hope every one finds love and peace this year.

    Once the season starts for real. Bah humbug!

  3. I am so with you. The one radio station we get in the office started playing Christmas music this week. Santa arrives at the mall tonight. It makes me want to vomit.

  4. Getting through the holidays is always rough. Christmas is my favorite holiday, but the Old Time Pottery I work next to actually put out Christmas decorations BEFORE Halloween. Now THAT'S early!! Too early for me anyway!

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