That old familiar feeling

Running, running, running, but not actually getting anywhere. Others are running, but they're on solid ground. They're moving forward, making progress. Some even lap you; they've finished and restarted and you're choking in their dust again before you even leave the finish line.

Last year on the day before Thanksgiving, I placed an ad to find new intended parents. I matched with Mia and Urs within two weeks, and I've been running since then. Failed IVF #1. Beta hell for IVF #2, followed by early miscarriage. Mia and Urs moved on to ED sans surrogacy. I dragged my tired ass back to the start line and was lucky and blessed to have happened into a match with Chance and Apollo. Soon we'll be going from a jog to a full sprint.

I don't mind all the running. Truly. It's the damn hamster wheel that I'm sick of.

4 Comments

  1. Nancy on November 23, 2008 at 1:08 am

    That’s a really good way to say that. “hamster wheel”.



  2. Io on November 23, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    I like this analogy – I hate to run, so I guess it’s fine that I am sitting on the sidelines until I can have my sprint.
    You’re getting there.



  3. anymommy on November 24, 2008 at 5:58 am

    Pace yourself, you’re going to need all your energy for the home stretch!



  4. tash on November 24, 2008 at 10:56 am

    I’m in my own little gerbil wheel myself.
    Here’s to you finding a way off, and a real light to run toward. I’m just holding my breath.