cursing = jolly good fun

What's your favorite curse word? Though I make liberal use of swear words here in this little blog of mine, in real life (I don't get the phrase "in real life"? Isn't this blog real? Aren't you – my friends inside the computer – real? Whatever.) I'm not much of a pottymouth. A few oh shits! and a couple of I'll be damneds sprinkled in for good measure is the usual extent of my cursing. However, I have an affinity for well-placed curse words, especially if they're of the creative variety.

Shitfire. Fuck-a-duck. Assclown has always been a favorite, but today fellow surrogate Delores Melon referred to her husband as an asstard and I nearly asphyxiated from laughing so hard. Yesterday I found the gem fucknuttery on someone's blog and I could have bowed down before the awesome magnificence of it. Fucknuttery. It rolls off the tongue as smooth as butter. In context: The photos in the recent New York Times article about surrogacy was pure fucknuttery. Brilliance.

Do tell – what curse words do you enjoy, whether they be simple or embellished? Is there a difference in how much cussin' you between your blog and "real life"?

52 Comments

  1. Stacie on December 2, 2008 at 12:55 am

    I get WAY too much enjoyment from cursing at home and in the car. It’s sad, I know.
    I have a potty mouth ‘in real life’. I seem to keep it clean on my blog, for the most part.
    I have to say that “fuck” is most commonly used by moi. Not creative. Hence the name of my blog: Never Clever



  2. Jendeis on December 2, 2008 at 1:42 am

    Asshat and douche are always good. A friend came up with “bitchtorch.” I like to think of it as the Statue of Liberty lighting the way for bitches. Most common, however, is cursing with an Irish accent, “come on now, you bloody bastard!” Somehow the accent makes things happen.



  3. Shawna on December 2, 2008 at 2:08 am

    I was just thinking about this topic the other day. I never cuss on my blog. However, in my everyday conversation I sprinkle in a few bad words. I think the reason for the difference is that I ma not impulsive when I write my posts. I re-read them and edit them. I try to make sure they can’t be misconstrued. Usually by the second read through the voice in my head kicks in and says something like, “come on girl. You know you don’t need to say shit there just to get your point across. There is no need for a WTF.” I end up talking myself out of all profanity.
    It is probably just as well, I am pretty sure that my pastor found my blog. :0)



  4. Kristin on December 2, 2008 at 6:34 am

    I’m personally fond of psycho bitch from hell or, on the tame side, futher mucker. While the kids are awake, I try really hard to edit myself and avoid curse words. I am mostly successful and when I slip up the kids threaten to tell Grandma. I do like the emphatic statement a well placed curse word lends you.



  5. TeamWinks on December 2, 2008 at 7:30 am

    First, I need to mention that I agree with your sentiments on the surrogacy article. The pictures were most definitely in poor taste.
    Shit, what was I saying? 🙂 That’s my most used swear word.
    When our son isn’t within ear shot, we both swear a lot. When he’s around, not at all. Ok, so we try not to, but we do slip here and there. I rarely swear on my blog, which makes me laugh a bit. I’m much worse in person.



  6. SCY on December 2, 2008 at 8:08 am

    Hmmmm, I swear quite a lot – I use shit and fuck A LOT mostly cos of the industry I work in…
    But on my blog – not so much – weird huh? I would expect to swear more on my blog cos it is a “free & safe” space but much like Shawna I re-read my posts before hitting publish (90% of the time anyway) and always make changes to the swearing I might have used…



  7. Calliope on December 2, 2008 at 8:09 am

    I wish I could swear more at home but I try to keep things clean around Grandmother 🙂
    I do tend to use “damn it!” at home the most- which is amusing as that is what my Grandfather used to say.
    But if I was let loose I would salt and pepper my thoughts often with doses of “motherfucker!”, “fucking A” and “shitstorm”
    Funnily enough GM does swear- but she says, “God bless it” when the tone is totally, “motherfucker!”



  8. tash on December 2, 2008 at 9:32 am

    Sadly, my language is about as foul in real life as it is on my blog. And I’m not nearly as careful as I should be in front of impressionable yung’uns. If I’m in a jolly mood, I appreciate “Fuckity Fuck” (tm, 4 Weddings and a Funeral), and “Fuck You, you Fucking Fuckball” (tm, Get Shorty), but also appreciate asshat, ASShole (stress on ass), and For Fuck’s Sake.
    As per yesterday, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and the people involved are all just way to smart to be stupid. So I’m now of the opinion that the pictures were meant to be some supreme symbolic irony, and failed miserably.
    Oh and I love the “reply” function in your comments.



  9. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 9:45 am

    For what cursing I do do (doo-doo?), I try to curb it. Apparently, I need to do a better job of that. It’s a crying shame when your three year old can spell fuck. Oops.
    I can agree with your idea about the failure at an attempt of symbolic irony. Talk about an epic fail.
    (I’m totally diggin’ this new threaded comment feature, too.)



  10. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 9:51 am

    Funnily enough GM does swear- but she says, “God bless it” when the tone is totally, “motherfucker!”
    This cracked me up. I can just hear the tone in her voice. I do the same, except the thing I usually say is “dagnabit!”



  11. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 10:08 am

    I think it’s interesting how some of us have completely different cussin’ philosophies between our blogs and real life!



  12. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 10:11 am

    I do tend to curse a bit more rudely when the kids aren’t around. Which umm…isn’t often, because they’re always everywhere. 🙂



  13. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 10:12 am

    I don’t completely avoid curse words, but I do change them up to be more “appropriate” for kid ears. I know it’s not the best, but it’s better to have them hear “motherflippin’ son of a biscuit maker” than the alternative. 🙂



  14. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 10:13 am

    That makes perfect sense. 🙂 With your pastor possibly having found your blog, perhaps it’s divine intervention that you tend to edit out your curse words!



  15. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 10:15 am

    ROFLMAO! Bitchtorch. I love it. I just whispered a few nasty phrases in an Irish accent, and you’re right – it does add a particular flavor. Me likey. 🙂



  16. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Stacie, I think naming your blog “Never Clever” was actually quite clever, indeed!



  17. Kate on December 2, 2008 at 11:58 am

    First, I love that you’re basically asking us to let loose with profanity in your comments.
    I curse a lot. The words themselves are not terribly creative but I like to think that I string them together in ways that are both surprising and inventive. These carefully strung pearls of nastiness are usually directed at people who don’t use their turn signals to indicate they are switching lanes on the highway.
    I do like a good “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” when I’m trying to cut out the harder curse words.



  18. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    “carefully strung pearls of nastiness” – that’s rich. I love the metaphor!



  19. Jen on December 2, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    Usually my potty mouth is reserved for football games. And there is one phrase I go back to continually – trick ass bitch. It bothers me because it’s misogynistic so then I try to switch to cheesedick.
    But I am trying to work on my husband’s potty mouth. Fuck is his favorite. Maybe in more ways than one. 🙂



  20. JuliaKB on December 2, 2008 at 12:44 pm

    Fucknuttery. What a lovely word.
    And I gift you this, in return: “Fuck X. With a broomstick. Sideways.” Enjoy.
    I used to be such a mild-mannered, non-swearing individual. That got fixed about a third of the way through college. Now I swear when I deem it appropriate (blog included). In two languages. I love and appreciate creative swearing, and I practice it to the extent that I am able.



  21. Betty M on December 2, 2008 at 3:01 pm

    X is a total fuckwad is a favourite of my husband – not sure what the wad bit is but it works for him!



  22. Becky on December 2, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Nothing like it.



  23. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 5:03 pm

    Such a proper response for an improper topic. 🙂
    With a broomstick? Sideways? Love it.



  24. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    I’m not totally sure, but I think “fuckwad” refers to umm…the the male ejaculatory byproduct of sexual arousal. At least that’s what I always thought. 🙂



  25. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    In both the literal AND physical sense, right, Becky? 😉



  26. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    Heeheee….trick ass bitch has such a gangsta lean to it. Good one, my homie.



  27. katedaphne on December 2, 2008 at 6:03 pm

    I’m not afraid of an f-bomb, but for the sheer joy of cursing I like “shitbucket.” Got it from the book “The Secret Life of Bees.”



  28. Alicia Millis on December 2, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    as weird as this is, i swear more on my blog then in “real life”! I just find when I am writting that sometimes no other word will do to express myself, but when talking I can find other words. I am a weirdo I know.



  29. My Reality on December 2, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    Fuck is my favourite word, EVER.
    I don’t swear much on my blog, but in real life, watch out!



  30. Shelli on December 2, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    Yeah, I am a proficient user of the term “clusterfuck” which works in a ton of ways. Both husband and I use it, and around the little guy it’s just “cluster”.
    But alas, I tend to keep it mostly clean on my blog. I don’t know why… must be the inner good-girl in me. lol.



  31. JuliaKB on December 2, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    🙂 I tried. 🙂



  32. Carrie Holmquist on December 2, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    Asspony is a house favorite, here.
    I swear when venting, I can’t help it.



  33. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 9:41 pm

    Asspony? I have never heard you say that, but that’s a helluva good one. It has a nice ring to it. Actually, I think ANYTHING after ass sounds good. Asshat. Assclown. Asspony. Asspuppy. They all work.



  34. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    Ahhh, how I love clusterfuck. It sounds close to “cluck”, so that word always reminds me of an angry chicken.



  35. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 9:44 pm

    That’s pretty spicy, to have your favorite overall word to be the f-bomb! 🙂



  36. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 9:45 pm

    You’re no more of a weirdo than I am, Alicia, because that’s pretty much what happens with me!



  37. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 9:45 pm

    Shitbucket. Hmmm…if Kaelyn doesn’t decide to potty train any time soon, I might have to start calling her that.



  38. girlh on December 2, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    fucknuttery. awesome. adding that one to repertoire immediately. and yes, i just looked up the spelling of repertoire.
    i am a fan of the word fuck as it can basically be applied to any thing or any situation, both good and bad, depending on the inflection of your voice. sorry mom.
    one of my girlfriends has three (much) older brothers. when she was at the “impressionable age”, her mother made a cursing rule totally forgetting she had three teenaged BOYS. ‘from this day forward, the only words allowed are, shit damn hell piss and ass.’ (which i think just about covers it)
    and now, thirty + years later when any family member feels to the need to curse, they still say, “shitdamnhellpissandass”



  39. PJ on December 2, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    I gotta admit, I love the word fuck. Although, shit is a second favorite. They are so versatile, ya know? Can be used as a verb or an adjective or a noun… and are often cathartic. What more could one ask for?
    Have you seen the documentary called “Fuck”? It’s excellent. It’s of course, not the kind of thing you’d watch with your kids around, but it’s quite informative, yet entertaining.
    I DO have a pretty good filter though about when and when not to cuss. I do have a smidge of class. 🙂



  40. girlh on December 2, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    fucknuttery. that’s damn near perfect. will be immediately adding that one to my repertoire. and yes, i looked up the spelling for repertoire.
    i’ve always been a big fan of the word fuck. it can be applied to just about any situation, both good and bad, with the slightest change of inflection. sorry mom.
    i have a girlfriend who has three (much) older brothers. when she was at the “impressionable” age her mother, forgetting she had three teenaged BOYS, made this rule for cursing:
    “the only curse words allowed are :: shit damn hell piss and ass.” which just about covers it, don’t ya think?
    now 30+ years later when anyone feels the need to curse they all still say “shitdamnhellpissandass”



  41. girlh on December 2, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    kym, i swear i’ve lost it. just posted and then came back and it wasn’t there…so reposted and now it IS there.
    i guess i do have a bit of an excuse. broke a toe this morning and i believe there was a glass of wine in between post one and two.



  42. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 11:16 pm

    With the new commenting system Typepad has implemented (which I LOVE), it sometimes takes a moment for the comment to appear. I’m glad you reposted the comment, though, because the story about shitdamnhellpissandass was hilarious enough to be posted twice. I think I’m going to start saying that ’round these parts.
    How the heck did you manage to break a toe? I broke one of my big toes once. I was dancing and stepped on my own damned foot. Can you say “loser”?



  43. Moxie on December 2, 2008 at 11:18 pm

    I have not seen, or even heard of that documentary. I’m off to go Google it. I must watch it.



  44. girlh on December 3, 2008 at 11:01 am

    My story is not quite as good as yours, but I broke toe #2 (in toe order, it’s my first broken bone ever!) stepping out of the shower. How? I have no idea. But the pain is for realz. And I of course live in a city where you walk everywhere. If that ain’t a fucknuttery, I don’t know what is.



  45. emma on December 3, 2008 at 12:22 pm

    Douchebag is my current favorite! It’s universally useful. And my old standby is, of course, fuck. I know, not very ladylike Mother, but I love it.



  46. Amanda on December 3, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    I have SUCH a potty mouth in realy life…not so much on the blog. I would blame my mouth on the fact that I work in the criminal justice field, but it was in the toilet back in high school. Oh well, LOL. I am trying to watch it now because I don’t want my baby to pick up any bad words. Hubby isn’t really joining in my efforts.
    Anyway, that being said, I say “fuck” and “fucker” and “fuckface” and “dumbfuck” and “fuck off” and “fuckin’ a” all the damn time.
    I have one for you here that hasn’t been mentioned. When I was 18, I got a dicorderly conduct ticket for saying “cockmaster” among about 20 other things in front of a cop after some jackass hit my car. So use “cockmaster” liberally. I bought it. I think I own it.



  47. Amanda on December 3, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    Hmmmm…that should have said “disorderly conduct”, but I’m tired. LOL.



  48. journey to junior on December 3, 2008 at 7:35 pm

    i, too, am a fan of fuckwad. i use that to describe people who are stupid, ignorant, or totally annoy the shit out of me.



  49. julia on December 4, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    I have a funny story about cusring.
    I had a bad habit of using the lords name in vain. My husband got tired of it one day and said. “can’t you use another word for it.” So, I stopped and thought about it for a monent and said, “ya mean something like Larry Mullinax?” From then on that was my curse word unitl I decied to google it. Larry Mullinax has an online ministery. I about died. who would have thought of all the names.



  50. Kate on December 4, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    What about “trick ass cheesedick”? I kind of like that. Might have to try it myself.



  51. Melanie on December 6, 2008 at 4:20 pm

    Not exactly a curse word but highly imaginative just the same… sargasm… defined as the sarcastic climax, the ultimate overkill of sarcasm… Usually used in response to a manipulative tirade…
    No, really… that’s okay that you took my car and ran it into a ditch while you were drunk… I shouldn’t have been so stupid to leave the keys laying around where you, an obviously oblivious alcoholic, would find them…
    Dude… don’t have a sargasm…
    I also have a personal preference towards shirt-cocking fucktards too…



  52. Antigone on December 15, 2008 at 10:38 am

    So sad. I curse more outside of the computer than in it. Mostly it’s while thinking to myself in the car. I’ll just suddenly say out loud, “Gawd he was an a$$hole.” My puppy is used to it. Luckily when he tries to imitate me it only comes out as “Arf arf arf.”