Don't come close to this blog unless you want to get the cooties

3 out of 5 of el Cinco has the cooties. Frank had to pick Kyra up from school after she'd been there for barely an hour. She went to the nurse's office with a headache and Frank was called after it was determined that she was running a fever of 101.2. Before the day was over, Frank had to go back to pick up Jordan, who was in the nurse's office with a 102 degree fever. Kaelyn the Tiny Tyrant is yelling and growling and snarling because she is a BIG! SCARY! MONSTER! RAAAWWRRR! I GONNA BITE YOUR ELBOW OFF, MOMMY!, but when she came at me with clawed fingers and pretended to amputate the bottom half of my arm with her teeth, I noticed that I could feel feverish waves of heat rolling from her little body. 101.4.

Everyone requested chicken soup (with the stars, not the noodles) and Gatorade and tea and toast and crackers and other "we're sick" foods. Jordan and Kyra each ate about half a bowl of soup and nibbled a few Ritz. Kyra stopped eating when she said she had the bubbleguts and Jordan pushed his bowl away with a sudden, panicked shriek and an blast of tears – "MY STOMACH IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"

I jumped over the counter-height kitchen table in single bounding Superwoman leap, scooped him up, and planted him face-down over the toilet. He slobbered and hacked a few times before deciding that his stomach wasn't full of explosive kyrptonite after all.

I'm thinking of calling in tomorrow to help take care of our sickly, clammy kiddos. Eighth grade expository writing (In this essay, ima tell you bout why I think we needta have more pep rallys) vs. exploding bubblegut tummies?  That's a no-brainer. Pass me the pukebucket and the Children's Tylenol.

Oh, shizzle – chicken and star-spangled spewage is all over the rug. Mount St. Jordan just erupted.


  1. Nikki on December 3, 2008 at 9:10 pm

    Ouch ouch ouch! Healing chicken soup vibes to the whole family.
    Get well soon! The ones who are well, remain well!

  2. My Reality on December 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

    Yuck. I really hope the cooties stay far away from you.

  3. Mrs Spock on December 3, 2008 at 9:17 pm

    We all had the bubbleguts the week of Thanksgiving. I’m still finding puke splatter on my bathroom wall….

  4. Kristin on December 3, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    Oh no…that really sucks. Hope you manage to avoid getting the creeping cruds.

  5. Stacie on December 3, 2008 at 10:45 pm

    I’m sorry to hear that quatro of the kiddos are sickies. I hope they all feel better soon!

  6. Danielle on December 4, 2008 at 12:55 am

    We’ve had the head cold cooties. No exploding tummies…yet 😐 Hang in there *sprays Lysol*
    Air hug

  7. Carrie Holmquist on December 4, 2008 at 6:32 am

    Yuck, yuck, yuck! I hope the kiddos get this out of their system fast.

  8. SCY on December 4, 2008 at 7:41 am

    Oh Shame Moxie! That sounds hectic. Hope they get better soon.

  9. JuliaKB on December 4, 2008 at 9:19 am

    Oh, crap…Poor kiddos, poor big scary monster, and poor parentals o’ the house o’ yuck. Hope you got yourself a strong drink after they were all to bed.

  10. tash on December 4, 2008 at 9:43 am

    Motherfuck. Why is it always this time of year, too? (Bella’s second xmas was spent with all of us in various curled up positions on the floor, sipping tea and running to the bowl. Good times.) Hang tough, lady, and don’t put in you what you don’t care to see coming out, ya know?

  11. Debbie on December 4, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    so, so sorry about the star-spangled spewage. I’m crossing my fingers that it doesn’t get much worse! Here’s to hoping for one quick ’bout of the bugs w/ only one very minor exploding tummy.

  12. DeloresMelon on December 4, 2008 at 4:10 pm

    Is it wrong I’m laughing my butt off at your family’s cooties? It’s your fault… you’re the one typing.

  13. PJ on December 7, 2008 at 1:21 am

    Yea, I know I’m late responding to this… you know because I’ve been preoccupied with MAKING EGGS and all! LOL!
    That pukey-ness has been ALL OVER my school! Last week there was one day when I had six kids out at the same time! (ahem, yay for me!) I have been wiping down desks with Clorox daily, I have two of those gallon-size hand sanitizer’s appropriately scattered around the room, and we’ve had lots of “cough in your elbow” and “don’t leave your snot rags on the tables” discussions.
    And of course you know there are MANY parents who will send their kids to school sick, because they don’t want to deal. MANY. Which is so irritating to me.
    I swear, I have been SOOOO lucky to not get sick (knock on wood). I really haven’t been sick for over two years now.
    Yea, all my sick days have been taken trying to get knocked up! 😛