Come what may

As of tomorrow, Winter Break is officially over. We have been cycling since the middle of December, but tomorrow the real work begins. Chance starts stims. This is when, with a sharp inhale, we hold our collective breaths and don't even think about exhaling (even if just for a moment) until after the beta.

Over the past couple of weeks, we've shared meals both at home and at local dives, gone bowling, played board games, jammed to Rock Band (you should see and hear Apollo sing Hungry Like the Wolf), and have had an impromptu sleepover.

And we've talked. A lot. Of all the things we've discussed at length, what rings most prominently is the thought that there seems to be something…something more at the root of what it is that has brought us here together in the first place. There is a mysterious, intuitive sense that we are merely gliding along on a stream, and that somewhere ahead in the unseen distance our narrow waterway will open into a vast gulf, far more open and beautiful and right than we ever could have imagined.

This surrogacy is a passage — not a destination.

It is palpable. The air is thick with ribbons of predestination, and their susurrus whispers, "Soon.

This union through surrogacy and every step thus far on this path can only be described as perfect. Though we feel this and claim it and own it, we speak of it no louder than rustling of the ribbons, lest we tempt Bad Things to reach in and snatch the gold-threaded, yet fragile rug upon which we stand.

Notwithstanding the banners and magic carpets, what we most hope for is not the readily obvious. Our biggest hope is that come what may, happiness and comfort are found.

When you get right down to it, that's all anyone can ever really hope to have.

8 Comments

  1. girlh on January 4, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    keeping all my crossables crossed.
    here’s to happiness and comfort.



  2. anymommy on January 5, 2009 at 4:58 am

    Everything crossed here to, prayers said. Onward!



  3. Kristin on January 5, 2009 at 6:35 am

    Praying that the starts and planets and everything else continue to align for you and Chance.



  4. Wishing4One on January 5, 2009 at 7:38 am

    What a beautiful post. I too am so wishing for this to be it for Chance. What a wonderful woman you are Moxie, really. xoxoxoxox
    p.s. if this posts, woo-fn-hoo, as I did not create an account!



  5. tash on January 5, 2009 at 9:02 am

    You’re right, you know. And yet the greedy selfish me on the outside wants so much more for the two of you. I’ll try and put those thoughts at bay, and think more about the other positive lovely things to come out of this union of spirits.
    Thinking of all of you.



  6. Jendeis on January 5, 2009 at 10:38 am

    “Susurrus.” Way to cash in on the fifty-cent word, my friend. I love it!



  7. Alicia Millis on January 5, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    I LOVE the song Come What May from Moulin Rouge, and I do think you are right, that come what may happiness is found! thinking about you



  8. PJ on January 5, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    I remain in awe of surrogacy, and the women who offer up so much to help another couple. I think you are especially AMAZING and have the such respect for you!
    School today was rough! I needed a nap about 1:30.