Freak of Utmost Craptasticness who I nearly Killed when he Erred Rudely (aka FUCKER): I've been looking at you, and I took a real good look this morning and I finally figured it out. There's an egg in the basket, isn't there?
Me: (deer, meet headlights) Uuuhh….what?
FUCKER: (making ridiculous cupped hand, growing belly motions) There's another egg in the basket, isn't there?
Me: (blink, blink) Uuuuh….no.
FUCKER: (with egg in his face [HAHA, I'm so witty]) Oh, I'm sorry! Then allow me to spend the rest of the year on my hands and knees apologizing.
Me: (well, that makes it easier to kick you in the teeth, my dear) S'okay.
an hour later – Skype conversation with Chance:
Me: today at lunch some buttwad said to me: "I took a real good look at you today, and I think I figured it out. There's an egg in the basket, isn't there?"
Chance: what an idiot. no one says that. you so do not look knocked up
Me: sure I do. I HAVE gained a lot of weight. a ridiculous amount. damned hormones. damned pcos
Chance: well weight is not an egg in the basket. that's weight of a different kind!
Me: that's for sure. I mean, he should have at least known not to jump to conclusions like that. or to ask IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. at least have the decency to ask in private if you're curious
Chance: no kidding
Me: needless to say, I lost my appetite
Chance: I do not blame you one bit. Who said that to you?
Me: some teacher who's about as dense as they come
Chance: yeah, you gotta be dense to say something like that. I never had that happen….thank God (especially afterwards). you know what I mean – when you still look pg, but you're not
Chance: Oh Moxie, I pray you will have an egg (eggs) in the basket soon and I can get you a bunch of mat clothes and you can let it all hang out! that's the best part of being pg…your tummy can grow as much as you like!
Me: I hope so, too! I seriously thought to myself after he said it: "there are no eggs in this basket YET…but soon, hopefully"
Chance: I saw so many cute maternity clothes at the old navy outlet
Me: would it feel weird to you if you went shopping with me? like, would it be hard?
Chance: NO, I would love that!!! see, I am turning into the dude…watch out, I'll be smoking a cigar and having a drink in the waiting room next
Chance: No, I would seriously like that
Me: as flaky as it sounds, I've always had dreams of mat shopping with my intended mom. as much as I hate shopping, that's one thing I always thought would be kinda fun
Chance: well, let me make YOUR dreams come true, little lady! it WOULD be fun!
Chance: I know, I love me a sale and all that stuff was 75% off. I seriously almost bought one shirt myself and then thought….no bad mojo
Me: the funny thing about today is that I really am wearing maternity pants
Chance: OMG seriously!?!!?!!?!??!
Me: yeah, lol
Chance: let that be a good omen!
Me: I know…I kinda feel like it as, as much as I wanted to whoopass for him saying it.
Chance: well, I hope, hope, hope we get to do that.
Me: me too
So tell it – has it ever happened to you before?