Conversation in the van yesterday with Kyra and Jaiden:
Jaiden: Where did you and Daddy go after you dropped us off at the birthday party?
Me: We went to buy new mattresses.
Kyra: Ooh! Are they at home now?
Frank: Not yet. They'll be delivered Tuesday morning.
Jaiden: What kind did you buy? Is it a Tempur-Pedic? Those are good for back support and neck alignment.
Frank: Uuuh, no. We got a Sealy Posture-Pedic.
Kyra: Sweet! Now you won't have to count those sheep anymore – "We count sheep, so you don't have to!" Did you get the kind with the Euro-foam pillowtop?
Jaiden: And did you buy them from Badcock Home Furnishings? Because right now they're having a sale where if you buy a king-size mattress, you can pay just a queen-sized price!
Kyra: Yeah, and if you spend over $1,000, you also get $200 in FREE home decor and accessories.
Me: You two watch entirely too much TV.
Scene from You've Got Mail, featuring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan:
KATHLEEN: My business is in trouble. My mother would have something wise to say.
JOE: I'm a brilliant businessman. It's what I do best. What's your business?
KATHLEEN: No specifics, remember?
JOE: Minus specifics, it's hard to help. Except to say, go to the mattresses.
JOE: It's from The Godfather. It means you have to go to war.
KATHLEEN: The Godfather? What is it with men and The Godfather?
JOE: The Godfather is the I
Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the
answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation?
"Leave the gun, take the cannoli." What day of the week is it?
"Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday." And the answer to your
question is "Go to the mattresses."
at war. "It's not personal, it's business. It's not personal it's
business." Recite that to yourself every time you feel you're losing
your nerve. I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance.
Fight. Fight to the death.
We've had those mattresses since we were married. A lot has happened in those almost-thirteen years. A lot has happened on those mattresses. The angst of cycle after negative cycle was spent on those mattresses. But despite that, we were ultimately still able to conceive on those mattresses instead of in some clinical, impersonal setting (actually, I think Jordan was conceived on the floor in my sister's bedroom, but don't tell her I told you that). We were able to bring our on-the-mattress conceived babies home to those same mattresses, where over time, each of them has had their moments of peeing, puking, and pooping on those mattresses.
On the weekends, the five of them (nephew TJ included) climb under the blankets of those mattresses, squeezing themselves around me and Frank, touching us with their frosty feet while dropping not-so-subtle hints about the pancakes they want Frank to make for breakfast. We camp out on those mattresses, cuddled up together, eating popcorn and watching movies.
I have kind-of an attachment to those mattresses, where so many memories, both good and bad, were born and lived. It's time to let them go, though. They're from another day, bought early in our marriage when there was little money and it made sense to forego quality over cost. We've outgrown them, and when those queen-sized mattresses are moved out, they'll be replaced on Tuesday with ones of the kingly persuasion.
As we drove away from the furniture store yesterday (Badcock, just as Jaiden guessed), the thought occurred to me that it's because of those old, overworn mattresses that I'm driven to go to the mattresses as a surrogate. I got off relatively easy in my fight, but it's not fair that anyone should have to fight at all, much less fight as hard as most other infertiles have to. I have a lot of fight left in me. Watch how I flex my muscles and kick some ass.
Go to the mattresses. That's damned right.
BTW – the lines on my tests are growing steadily darker, and Dr. Sleepy said he'd be happy with a beta of at least 100 on Thursday.