I win the idiot of the year award. On the way to Savannah this morning, I wondered why it was so bright and why there was so much traffic on the highway. Last week when I left to make the 1-hour trip to have my betas, it was butt-crispy dark and the only thing moving was my van and the wind in the trees. Today, it wasn't until Chance called at 7:30 to make sure I was okay that I realized that I had left the house a whole freakin' hour LATE. I usually arrive in Savannah at 6:30, and this morning I didn't even leave the house until 6:30. Oops. I had the time "6:30" in my head, but for all the wrong reasons. I had even gloated a bit this morning because I had actually made it out of the house "on time." Go me!
Anyway, I finally made it there and Chance suggested that perhaps this morning's faux pas was early onset you-know-what brain. Hopefully it is. As stupid as I am now, it's infinitely worse when I'm you-know-what. Once when I was you-know-what, I got angry because I couldn't find my glasses. After stomping around the house trying to locate them with no success, I finally gave up and went to put in my contacts. One lens teetered on the tip of my finger and as I looked up into the mirror to put it in, I found my glasses. On my face. Over my eyes. Perched on my nose. The arms curled around my ears. And suddenly I understood why Frank had been smirking at me sideways for the past hour. Fucker.
So about this beta…dare I say that I am hopeful? Dare I say that judging from my tests, I believe that my beta will be over 100? Dare I say that we'll be pardoned for at least a little while longer, allowed to carry on and let things continue to grow in the hopes that it will keep growing? I can only whisper such things. In a few hours those numbers might just make a fool of me, and then I'll retrospectively feel a bit cheesed off and somewhat stupid for letting hope get the better of me yet again.
And yet, hopefully…..