Tragic syllogism

This is different.

For each of my prior three journeys, attempting surrogacy was a middle step and not the final resort. There were other possible options ahead — Plans B and C — just in case.

In retrospect, I didn't realize the level of comfort I took in the knowledge of the implied if-thens: If this doesn't work, then at least there's still a chance for them. If this doesn't work, then I just want them to become parents whether or not I am their surrogate. I will see them through that.

But, this is different.

For the if of the next cycle not working, there is no then other than this is the end.

How do you reconcile your heart with the idea that all there ever will be is all there ever was? 

If there was an answer to that, then we wouldn't all be here throwing such rhetoric out into the Universe, pleading for understanding.

13 thoughts on “Tragic syllogism”

  1. Someone’s been doing a lot of thinking, I see. You’re going to drive yourself crazy if you continue to think like this. Unfortunately there’s no answer to your question. I wish there was and I was able to hand it to ALL of you a big beautiful silver platter. Take comfort in knowing that you have A LOT of people you have never met pulling for you. We are all doing our part to help you all through this. Weather it’s something “big” like donating meds, or something “small” like sending you a virtual hug, well all got your backs. Hang in there sweetie. We’re all here for all four of you.
    (((HUGS)))

  2. There is only trying, and the knowledge that you did everything you could. That you can get to a place in the future and know you did everything possible, regardless of outcome.
    I need to get me to a place like that.
    And not for nothing, if my final plan were in your hands (so to speak), I’d be mighty comfortable indeed. Hang tough.

  3. I wonder the same thing, because I too have reached The End (in that… if this DE cycle doesn’t work I guess I really am done).
    I am trying every day to prepare myself for either ending.
    There is no answer, really. I so wish there was.

  4. All you can do it try your best….
    And…in the end…there is always a “and then”….I mean sometimes it’s not the first choice, or even the most wonderful thing, but there will always be a “and then” until one dies…and any “and then” can have its beauty too.

  5. Gack. Getting all choked up here. I wish I could comment with some sort of answer, but there isn’t one, is there?

  6. unnnh. That’s all I can think of to say. Not poetic, or meaningful, but the situation isn’t either. There’s nothing that makes it “feel better” is there?
    Well maybe virtual hugs are a step in the right direction? *hug*

  7. This question: “How do you reconcile your heart with the idea that all there ever will be is all there ever was?” says it all…I’m still wrestling with the answer…
    Sending some love your way.

  8. “How do you reconcile your heart with the idea that all there ever will be is all there ever was? ”
    I never could, sadly. Tash is right that you may find some comfort if you have done all you could. but a peaceful heart? let me know if you find the answer.

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