Sheesh. You infertilies.
Today is your day! Celebrate Aphrodite and all those other Greek gods and goddesses of fertility! Burn some incense in honor of her and then go get freaky with your dude (or thaw out that sperm) and you're sure to get knocked up today!
Oh, wait a minute — I forgot who I was talking to. You're one of those people who do those acronym things … those IUIdoohickies or IVFamabobs or you pop those pills because you can't get pregnant like the normal people, right?
Ooh! You better watch out with that stuff, because I heard that my girlfriend's cousin's brother and his wife did that in vitro thing and they implanted four embryos but one split or something because now she's pregnant with FIVE babies! It's something like that, that chick out in California! How 'bout this joke – I heard that a restaurant in the hometown where she lives is serving up a new breakfast special. You get eight eggs, no sausage, and the person in the next booth pays for it.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! I crack myself up. Royally.
I have an idea! Maybe since you can't get pregnant, you can just adopt one of hers! I mean, she has enough to go around and adoption in general is easy, isn't it?
What, did I say something?
It's also National Awkward Moment Day.
I'll just shut up and go eat some cookies now.
Have an awkward moment to share? Here's one from me – yesterday one of the lunch ladies felt the need to get all nostalgiac about how small I used to be before I "had all those babies." That was ten years ago, woman. Why does it seem like she misses my non-flabby stomach and smaller stature more than I do? Then she proceeded to ask me about "that white baby" I had and whether or not I wished I could have brought him home. I spaced out for a moment amidst the fantasy of shoving a stalk of celery up her nose and following that with a carrot stick in the ear.