Run if you ever see this nurse

Me and dani

See this face and burn it into your memory (the one in the foreground, that is). This is the face of a Dumb Ass, and she just might be your nurse someday. She also just happens to be my youngest sister.

Today in the car the we were rocking out to my theme song, singing (badly) at the top of our lungs:

Moxie & Dani, in unison:
IIIIF YOOOU WAAAANT IIIIT, YOU AAAALREEEAAADY GOOOT IIIIIT!
IF YOU THOOOUUUGHT IIIIIT, IT BETTER BE WHAT YOU WANT.
IIIIF YOOOU FEEEEEL IIIIIT, IT MUST BE REEAAAL JUUUUUUUUUST
SAY THE WOOOORD AAAANND IMMA GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT!


Moxie (as Madonna):

TIME IS WAAAITING!

Dani (as Justin Timberlake):

WE ONLY GOT 4 MINUNTES TO SAAAAAAVE THE WORLD!

Moxie (as the Blonde Ambitioned One with the Pointy Bra Cups):
NO HE-SI-TAAAATING!

Dani (as Whiteboy Wonder who now does a bunch of collabos with other singers):

GRAB A HORSE! GO GRAB A SQUIRREL!

Moxie:
What the FUCK are you talking about, Dani? What the shit does saving a horse and a squirrel have to do with saving the world? They said "GRAB A BOY, GO GRAB A GIRL!"

Dani:
Ohhhhh! Well damn, that makes sense! I thought they were talking about like, they were saving the world like Noah or something. Like they coulda been building an ark and talking about putting animals on it: GRAB A HORSE, GO GRAB A SQUIRREL!

And this is the child (age 22 – she took some time to "find herself") who just yesterday did so well on her college placement test that she got enough of a scholarship to cover ALL of her tuition and fees for a degree in nursing.

Nurse Dani: Hi, I'm here to do your rectal exam! (snaps her latex gloves as she slides them on)

Poor Patient: But the doctor said I just needed to cutback on ham! What the SHIT does a rectal exam have to do with my high blood pressure?

I really am very proud of her.

4 Minutes – Madonna

13 Comments

  1. Lorza on March 27, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    That is so friggin’ hilarious. I love it!



  2. Lorza on March 27, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    I was going on to type before I got tab happy- that is awesome that she got that the full scholarship. As I nurse, I know that is really tough to get!! Sounds like she has the humor and the energy to be a great nurse!! YEAH!!!



  3. JessPond on March 27, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    HAHAHAHA!! Like Noah. Grab a horse and a squirrel. Perfect, just perfect.
    You know what, though? I likea nurse with a sense of humor. There are too few of them.



  4. Ellen on March 27, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    I honestly looked at the picture for like 3 mintues to try to memorize it… I thought the picture was going to be followed by a horrible L&D story or something. I was even thinking “this nurse looks a lot like Moxie” haha! Tell her congrats about the scholarship! That’s great!!



  5. Stacie on March 27, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    LMAO! You and your sister are hilarious. I love that, “Grab a horse, go grab a squirrel.” HAHAHA!!!!



  6. Kristin on March 27, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    “Grab a horse, Go grab a squirrel.” Bwahahahahaha…too funny. She had a case of Chronic Lyricosis.
    COngrats to Dani for her test scores and her scholarship.



  7. coffeegrl on March 28, 2009 at 1:45 am

    Hysterical! So funny. Congratulations!



  8. Shelli on March 28, 2009 at 6:55 am

    oh, I SO needed this laugh today. Thank you!
    Congrats Dani!!



  9. Trish K on March 28, 2009 at 9:40 am

    Wow- so happy for your sister. Big Congrats to her. Where is she going to go to school?



  10. Laura on March 28, 2009 at 10:18 am

    you crack me up!!!!!!! thats so funny!



  11. Danielle on March 28, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    LOL, although I can’t laugh at her TOO much, I’ve done the same thing many times. Except I’ve never got a scholarship for ALL my schooling. Way to go Dani!!!



  12. Megan on March 29, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    Ha. Before I got to the third sentence of this post, I thought the Dumb Ass nurse you were referring to was the one that told Baby M’s mom not to let you hold him too long, and I thought, That’s weird that Moxie has a picture like this of that nurse… and weird that she looks so much like Moxie.



  13. Io on March 29, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    Congratulations Dani!