Cloudy with a chance of disquietude

I know that I'm supposed to be saying something.

I owe you pictures and commentary about Baby M's birthday party. I will get to that, I promise. But it just so happened that Chance's cycle day 1 fell on that day, too. Cycle day 1 – the official green light. The GO button on this cycle was pressed on that day. The fact that Baby M's birthday party and the start of this cycle coincided in some sort of odd cosmic collision felt…weird. Not exactly ominous, but not exactly fortuitous, either. It felt like something, though. An indecipherable omen, impossible to tell in the moment whether it was indicitive of something to look forward to or something that may never be seen.

If this were a movie, this would be the point at which the skies suddenly grey, the wind speeds up enough to lift the hair from your shoulders, and everyone glances nervously at the sky when the foreboding thunder rumbles from afar.

I'm scared.


  1. Heather R. on April 1, 2009 at 10:02 am

    *HUGS* *insert heartfelt platitude*
    Wish I could cheer you up but I am having one hell of a dark day too. Wanna wallow on the couch with me? We can make Jase fetch us stuff and just do nothing.

  2. Sandi on April 1, 2009 at 10:04 am

    I don’t know if it helps to know we are all here cheering for you and Chance and even clapping for Baby M on his birthday, but we are!

  3. brown-eyed-girl on April 1, 2009 at 10:06 am

    Don’t be scared. I’m very hopefull that this cycle will work out for you guys.

  4. Calliope on April 1, 2009 at 10:33 am

    beaming never ending LOVE to you & Chance. I totally get why you are scared but you guys are walking forward with a huge army of support, friendship, and unicorns behind you.

  5. Danielle on April 1, 2009 at 10:39 am

    It’s OK to be scared, if you weren’t scared you’d be un-human and I don’t know if that would work out so well. Cheering for you and throwing all the supprot I have!

  6. tash on April 1, 2009 at 10:44 am

    Hold me.

  7. Stacey on April 1, 2009 at 11:23 am

    I feel for you. It sounds like a good omen to me, but I can totally understand your apprehension. I’ll be rooting for you and Chance all the way.

  8. Kristin on April 1, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    I can understand being scared but remember we are all here for you and Chance.

  9. Alicia Millis on April 1, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    keeping everything crossed for you guys for this cycle!

  10. jill on April 1, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    I am a new lurker of your blog – just wanted to let you know you have one more person cheering her heart out for you, chance and apollo! and I’ll be checking on you every day hoping for the very best 🙂

  11. Becky on April 1, 2009 at 4:24 pm


  12. Dora on April 1, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Of course you’re scared. We’re with you.
    And lupron is the devil, I say!

  13. Trish K on April 1, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    I totally understand where you are coming from. I am wishing, praying, and hoping for all of you!

  14. coffeegrl on April 1, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    I’ve got it!! What you need is a patronus. (Now my Harry Potter is showing….)
    “A Patronus is a kind of positive force, and for the wizard who can conjure one, it works something like a shield, with the Dementor feeding on it, rather than him. In order for it to work, you need to think of a memory. Not just any memory, a very happy memory, a very powerful memory… Allow it to fill you up…lose yourself in it…then speak the incantation ‘Expecto Patronum’.” from
    All the fear and big bad ugly clouds should go away. We just need to find your most happy memory and help you to conjure up your patronus. 🙂

  15. charmedgirl on April 1, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    i am ALWAYS one to get (maybe more than?) a twinge of something when dates and numbers and coincidences happen. it doesn’t mean shit, but if the thing eventually comes to pass, it’s kinda cool. nothing more, really.
    anyway, i’m scared too…scared shitless for both of you, especially chance and apollo. and i need to get those drugs in the post!!

  16. Cindy on April 1, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    I can’t imagine one NOT being scared…so I’d say you’re pretty normal. I’m here for you!

  17. Io on April 1, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    It’s ok to be scared. Just remember that no matter how alone you are, we are all with you and Chance and Apollo.
    (Insert creeeeepy “I’ll be watching you” music sung off tune by moi)

  18. JessPond on April 1, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    I hope it was ominous good.

  19. k@lakly on April 1, 2009 at 11:17 pm

    Holding out BIG hopes that this is the one that makes it all happen. I’m not big on ‘signs’ but for you guys, I’ll take this one as a good one!

  20. luna on April 2, 2009 at 2:44 am

    it’s all so very nerve-wracking. the finality of it all. so much riding on this one event. lots of good intentions heading your way…
    I hope you can breathe into your fear and worry and just connect with the kym we all know and love. remember you are doing all you can. it’s just time to sit back and let it ride…

  21. Nishkanu on April 2, 2009 at 2:51 am

    It is scarey. It is a big thing. And you are heading into it. Get the superwoman cape ready because you’ll need that to fly over all the bumps in the road ahead. We’ll be cheering you on!

  22. Heather R. on April 2, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    Hope you’re feeling better today, luv bug!