I find that I'm throwing myself into reading and obsessing over all of your blogs, but when it comes to writing over here in mine, I can't brain cuz I have the dumb. Seriously – my mind goes blank and my fingers go numb, that panicky feeling threatens to tighten my throat and mental clarity goes all fuzzy.
For some reason, it feels more comfortable to keep a low profile on this cycle. I don't know how much or how little I'll write about it. Today I might not want to say much, but tomorrow I might be freaking the fuck out about something and will need you all to calm me down.
Speaking of freaking out about something — where the flip is my period? I'm not talking about the one at the end this sentence, ether. I swear — I can't even stay regulated on freaking birth control pills now. Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to have my baseline lining check, but it will completely defeat the purpose to pony up to the stirrups without having started my period.
The Lupron is being especially bitchy to me this time around. I think that stuff is really repackaged demon piss. Somewhere there is a secret, dark, dank cave where there are rows of trapped demons, their slimy skin burning fluorescent red with rage. Their pointy little peepees are suctioned into tubes, and their boiling hot piss is whisked away down chutes into the Holy Room. This is where it's mixed with a byproduct created from the pee of nuns. Some genius thinks that this is what will exercise the demonic residue, but oh no! No holy nun pee can combat the demon juice that I inject into my thighs every night. There is a reason why Frank's term for Lupron is "Bitch in a Bottle;" that shit makes my head spin. He just might smack me with a Bible and ward me off with a silver crucifix. Amen.
So anyway, I don't want to not say anything here, either. A few people really dug my video blog and suggested that I do some others. But uuuhh…WTF should I talk about? Nancy did a kick ass Q&A video blog session a few weeks ago. You ask the questions and I'll answer. They can be about surrogacy or me or el Cinco or something totally random. Anything that's a good distraction and gives me something to fill the blog space will basically work, because I don't want to go totally quiet in between bouts of freakoutedness.
That's all for now. I'm going to shoot up tonight's demon piss and play Rock Band with the fam. Y'know…anything to NOT wonder about where my freakin' period is.