Straight from the bowels of hell

I find that I'm throwing myself into reading and obsessing over all of your blogs, but when it comes to writing over here in mine, I can't brain cuz I have the dumb. Seriously – my mind goes blank and my fingers go numb, that panicky feeling threatens to tighten my throat and mental clarity goes all fuzzy.

For some reason, it feels more comfortable to keep a low profile on this cycle. I don't know how much or how little I'll write about it. Today I might not want to say much, but tomorrow I might be freaking the fuck out about something and will need you all to calm me down.

Speaking of freaking out about something — where the flip is my period? I'm not talking about the one at the end this sentence, ether. I swear — I can't even stay regulated on freaking birth control pills now. Tomorrow morning I'm supposed to have my baseline lining check, but it will completely defeat the purpose to pony up to the stirrups without having started my period.

The Lupron is being especially bitchy to me this time around. I think that stuff is really repackaged demon piss. Somewhere there is a secret, dark, dank cave where there are rows of trapped demons, their slimy skin burning fluorescent red with rage. Their pointy little peepees are suctioned into tubes, and their boiling hot piss is whisked away down chutes into the Holy Room. This is where it's mixed with a byproduct created from the pee of nuns. Some genius thinks that this is what will exercise the demonic residue, but oh no! No holy nun pee can combat the demon juice that I inject into my thighs every night. There is a reason why Frank's term for Lupron is "Bitch in a Bottle;" that shit makes my head spin. He just might smack me with a Bible and ward me off with a silver crucifix. Amen.

So anyway, I don't want to not say anything here, either. A few people really dug my video blog and suggested that I do some others. But uuuhh…WTF should I talk about? Nancy did a kick ass Q&A video blog session a few weeks ago. You ask the questions and I'll answer. They can be about surrogacy or me or el Cinco or something totally random. Anything that's a good distraction and gives me something to fill the blog space will basically work, because I don't want to go totally quiet in between bouts of freakoutedness.

That's all for now. I'm going to shoot up tonight's demon piss and play Rock Band with the fam. Y'know…anything to NOT wonder about where my freakin' period is.

11 Comments

  1. Kristin on April 16, 2009 at 6:22 am

    OMG…repackage demon piss mixed with the byproduct of nun piss…you are hysterical!
    OK…here’s a question…what the most embarrassing non-kid story you can share with us?



  2. Trish K on April 16, 2009 at 8:55 am

    How I know the trauma of a MIA period. Here’s to hoping AF shows up RIGHT.NOW.
    And you are freakin hilarious!



  3. Jo on April 16, 2009 at 9:54 am

    You say as much or as little as you want, pretty lady. Although I WAS clicking on your blog the past few days, wondering if I somehow missed a post or two. I just like reading you THAT MUCH.
    Let’s see. . .I’m sure you’ve archived it somewhere, but given my current situation I’d like to hear about what sparked your desire to be a surrogate.
    Yep, sometimes revisiting old stories is good.
    Hugs,
    Jo



  4. Lorza on April 16, 2009 at 10:28 am

    I laughed so hard and the recycled demon piss that I literally threw up a little. Okay it might have been the three cups of coffe and heart burn…but the fact of the matter it happened!! LOL!!! That is awesome.
    Do you think the desire to smack hands with a ruler is b/c of the little bit of nun pee in there? hummm…
    I get the blogging block sometimes too. Especially b/c I don’t have any thing IF related to talk about…I feel a little like an imposter right now- I am just waiting for an appointment….and it isn’t even a do anything appointment. 🙂
    Good luck chickie! I hope you dont’ have to resort to giving out garlic leis!!!



  5. Dora on April 16, 2009 at 10:36 am

    What a great description of lupron! I’m totally convinced I have lupron PTSD from my first FET.



  6. Nishkanu on April 16, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    What? You’re on Lupron and you are having trouble with mental clarity? No way!!!
    Your description of the origins of Lupron sound VERY plausible to me, personally.



  7. JessPond on April 16, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Lupron never did me in, but the clomid. Eeeeeeek.
    Sorry you’re feeling off. I hope you get that period soon! (hahaha, convoluted sounding as that is!!)



  8. niobe on April 16, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    Aggggh. Or, you know, something like that.



  9. anymommy on April 16, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    I’m late to comment, so I’m just going to hope the little bitch put in an appearance and all is as it should be now?!



  10. Cindy on April 16, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    You know I’m feeling it….ooooohhhh I’m feeling it. I’ve got too long left on the devil’s piss to think about it….UGH.



  11. coffeegrl on April 17, 2009 at 5:25 am

    Ack! I totally forgot to comment on your video post – LOVED it. There’s just something warm and fuzzy about seeing and hearing from a blogger you *heart* 🙂
    I love to hear people talk about:
    *their favorite books
    *their partner (how you met, weddings, etc.)
    *where they live (esp. since I’m in Japan right now I’m learning to appreciate the wonderful things about home – what makes it special – favorite restaurants, cool hang outs, special festivals etc.)
    Corny stuff I know, but hey – it’s a bit off topic and may be a relief to talk about something else?
    Whatever you want to talk about or not, I’ll be here to listen!