OxyMORONic Show and Tell

The following is completely uncompensated, although, Powers that Be at EA Sports and Nintendo, should you happen upon this post and feel the need to grace me with gifts, I will not be opposed.

For our anniversary, Frank gifted me with the EA Active Personal Trainer Fitness game for the Wii (which henceforth will be referred to as simply the Wii Active). Before you think that from this gesture he was saying, "I love you, but DAYUM you've gotten fat through our 13 years of marriage, so here – you might want to do something about that," let me tell you that I've been asking for the Wii Active since forever. I currently weigh half past pudgy and a quarter 'til a double chin, so he got me exactly what I wanted. He even bought a second leg and resistance band so that he could work out with me. On the issue of my weight and my personal displeasure at the lump of soggy clay that is my body, Frank is the perfect support person. Though I tend to only feel sexy from the neck up, he truly thinks I'm sexy from head to toe, even when I'm sans face paint, my hair is like whoa, and I'm schlepping around the house baggy sweats and one of his old t-shirts. "I love you just the way you are," he says. "Anything you lose or whatever muscles you tone is just icing on the cake." Then turning on the cheddar he says, "I have you, so I have my cake. And I WILL eat it, too." Ahem. Take from that what you will.

Anyway, for those of you who know nothing of the Wii Active, a male or female trainer of your choosing whips your ass into shape through a series of programmed workout sessions. You make the use of the Wii controllers and a leg band so the game system can track your movement and a resistance band is used for arm-strengthening exercises. The program's 30 Day Challenge is a start-to-finish daily regimen of 15-30 minute workouts. The daily sessions get progressively more intense as your strength and stamina increase through the days. Additionally, you can do pre-made sessions or customize a workout session of your own. Activities include running, lower body and upper body exercises, as well as a variety of sports activities such as tennis, volleyball, basketball, inline skating, and even dance (which is quite funny a la Hitch, featuring dances like "do the lasso" and "bag the groceries"). The system tracks how many calories you burn on a daily basis and over a period of time. Rest days are built in, with one rest day to every two work days. The goal is to do 20 sessions in 30 day time period.

I have to admit that even though I almost desperately wanted the Wii Active, I was a bit skeptical at how effective a mere video game would be at helping me lose weight and get in shape. "Mere" my left butt cheek. Yesterday marked Day 2 of my 30 Day Challenge and let me tell you – it broke me down to such an extent that I ended up popping a Motrin. I hobbled around on legs that felt like Jello, as yesterday focused heavily on lower body work with various lunging and track activities. I broke a sweat like you wouldn't believe and burned a little over 160 calories in 20 minutes time. Muscles that I forgot existed woke up and spoke to me for the first time in years: "Where the fuck have you been?" they bitched, and they made my legs ache for the rest of the night in revenge for me having ignored them for so long.

Along with working out, I also got back on track with the South Beach Diet on Monday. I've been adhering to it strictly. Between working out for the past three days (I did a custom workout today since it's a Challenge rest day) and restricting the carbs, I'm happy to say that I'm down 5 pounds since Monday. I know it's mostly water weight (plus the gastric disposal of the steak and baked potato I had for dinner Sunday night), but it's extremely encouraging to see the numbers on the scale heading south so soon.
I'm actually looking forward to working out again, and I'm already feeling an increase in my energy levels.

Is anyone else doin' their thing with the Active or considering it?

In other news, Frank's cookies are getting ready to go live. Sort of. About a month ago, Frank decided that since he was starting school, he didn't want to be too overwhelmed so he wanted to delay the opening until later in the Fall. My face fell, but I understood and put all my plans for his business on the backburner. But since then, at least once or twice a week one of you emails or leaves a comment wanting to know where the cookies are because isn't he done baking them yet? and I'M HUNGRY AND HORMONAL AND WANT SOME DAMNED COOKIES SO CAN YOU PLEASE HURRY UP AND PUT UP THE LINK SO I CAN BUY SOME OF THOSE BIG ASS COOKIES YOU'RE AWAYS BRAGGING ABOUT EATING, YOU SKANK, HOW CAN YOU KEEP THEM FROM US, WE CAN'T ALL BE MARRIED TO FRANK!!!

So I stuck out my bottom lip and pouted a little bit on your behalf and coerced Frank into doing a "soft opening" of his bakery. He's still working on perfecting most of his more original creations and he refuses to budge on selling those until they're to his liking, for which I can't blame him. We don't want him sending sub-par cookies to you.

Also, for now we're keeping it simple and won't be ordering all the specialty packaging bells and whistles that we priced a couple of months ago and I'm not going to dress up the Etsy shop with fancy photography of his cookies, but I can guarantee that the actual cookies themselves won't be short-changed in the least. Besides, who cares about the package that a 4-inch diameter cookie came in? It totally misses the point of having the pleasure of shoving a 4-inch cookie in your mouth. 

Additionally, we're also going to price them a bit cheaper than originally intended for now. We'll probably sell a dozen for $20-$22 with shipping included. Once he does his complete balls-to-the-walls open (and I'm thinking that probably won't be until after the new year), the overall cost between the product and shipping will go up a little. So get 'em now while the gettin' is good (and cheap).

So within the next week, you'll finally be able to purchase Frank's giant cookies in the varieties of chocolate chip, chocolate chip with either walnuts or pecans, sugar, the Aristocrat (chocolate chunks, dried cherries, & toffee), and the Monkeyboy (banana, walnut, chocolate chips).

Lori has graciously offered to write a review up on All Thumbs (after she sent one of those WHERE ARE THE DAMNED COOKIES emails and I told her I'd have Frank whip up a batch of chocolate chip cookies just for her), so be on the look out for that in the next week or so (speaking of Lori, I'll have a guest post up on Weebles Wobblog this Friday!). 

I hope to have the Etsy shop completely running and ready to take orders by Monday with the first round of shipping to start by Thursday. Once we get a feel for how much of each cookie is being ordered, we will decrease the turnaround time between the time you place an order and the time we ship it.

Just so I can start getting an early indication of orders, if plan on ordering some cookies, please leave a comment letting me know which type of cookie you're ordering and whether you'll want more than a dozen. I think we'll also be giving you the option of ordering a dozen, but with 6 of one cookie and 6 of another. Leaving a comment in no way commits you to buying,
but it would groovy if y
ou did. *cheese*

Do you want to know what we finally agreed on to be Frank's bakery name? Here's my Show part of this rather long Tell:

Bakery Clicking the banner (designed by my buddy Kimmy) will take you to Frank's Etsy shop.

When I post again letting you know that his shop is fully open and ready to take orders, I'll also announce the cookie name winners who will be receiving free cookies. We might not be offering those cookies now, but we have the intent to eventually once he finishes his recipe tweaking, so you'll get to cash in on your prizes now save it for later once more cookies are available.

The real question inherent in this post as a whole is whether or not I will avoid being a moron and undoing all the good the Wii Active is doing by having an endless supply of cookies around. Leaving myself open to such temptation just goes to show how much I love you guys.

******

See what the rest of the class is showing:

Show and Tell Chalkboard 2

28 Comments

  1. Andrea on July 1, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    Dude, I love Frank’s cookie store name!! LMAO! I think I may have to order some of his big ones!



  2. niobe on July 1, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    I want cooookiessss!!!!!!! Lots n lots of cooookies!!!!!!



  3. Mrs. Gamgee on July 1, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    I just started with my Wii Active this week and let me tell you I am a WIMP! I’m just doing some of the preset workouts, as I’m afraid I will die if I try the 30 day challenge just yet. Who knew nintendo would actually kick my ass?



  4. Cindy on July 1, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    I think it’s great that Frank will have a continued supply of customers…being that many of us are, in fact, very hormonal women and will likely return to partake of Frank’s Big Ones again and again. I, myself, tend to feed my face to deal with life. You guys make a great team in this sense.
    You can count on me for a dozen chocolate chip with pecans. (Will there eventually be a chocolate chocolate chip available?).
    And thanks for the comment about bitch slapping my teacher…I finally feel vindicated. 🙂



  5. Kristin on July 1, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    OMG…that store name fucking ROCKS!!! Go Frank!
    And, congrats on your early weight loss…way to go!



  6. JessPond on July 1, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    LOVE the store!!! Congrats to Frank!
    I’m impressed about your weight loss plans!! I’m way lazy. So….I’m going to stay chubby. lol!



  7. Moxie on July 1, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    He’s working on getting the flavor and consistency of his chocolate batter *just right,* and when he does there will be 2-3 new cookies added to the line. :o)



  8. Lori Holden on July 1, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    OK. At first, I was singing the “Rocky” song with all your fit awesomeness.
    Then, I was drooling all over as you described the cookies.
    After that, I’m like, WOW! I get to try these soon (and for sure I’ll be buying more nutless things).
    Finally, I LOVE the name of Frank’s story. Bravo to y’all!



  9. Lori Holden on July 1, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Frank’s STORE. Not story.
    Multitasking sucks.



  10. Cara on July 1, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    I would totally do the fit challenge…IF I had a Wii, or a fitness attachement for that matter. Perhaps if I call for it — it will come!!
    What I can control is my need (ahem…desire) for cookies.
    count me in.



  11. The Steadfast Warrior on July 1, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    Oh, man. Cookies! Seriously? Where have I been? Must have had my head stuck in the sand somewhere. Love the banner and the Bakery name. I’m certain it’s going to be a hit.
    As for all the hard work of busting your ass and sticking to the regimen, well, all I can say is, will power and moderation. One a day should be fine, if you first run up some stairs, do 20 jumping jacks, and do some post cookie stretches. No?



  12. Jendeis on July 1, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    Just whined to John Dear, “I wanna be THE WINNER cuz I came up with ruheally good ideas.” If I’m not the winner, I’ll be OK. Maybe. In time.
    I will totally be ordering and love the idea of six a one/half a dozen o the other mixture. Or a three by four deal.



  13. a on July 1, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    How can you possibly remain on a weight loss plan when your husband is making awesome cookies all the time? I love his store name, though.
    Also, I believe that you are the first person I’ve ever seen on the internet to spell whoa correctly. Thank you. My faith in humanity is restored.



  14. Shelli on July 1, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    Dude, you are KILLING me. All I can think about is getting some of these cookies (preferably to eat in bed when I am in the 2WW later this month). That sounds a little naughty, but you know it’s not. lol.
    I’ve been pondering buying the Wii Active too. hmmm… a good way to burn off those cookies!



  15. Erin W on July 1, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    Those cookies sound awesome!!! Love the store name…Very original!! 😀
    I might have to order some of those big arse cookies.



  16. becoming whole on July 1, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    You crack my shit up every time.
    Does Frank have a clone? I know I’m not the first one to ask you that, either…but between the cake comments (ahem), and the COOKIES(!!!!!!), well, I’m just wondering.
    I used to have a Wii, and a WiiFit. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named got them when I ran like hell outta there. I’m a little jealous of your WiiActive, ’cause the WiiFit wasn’t very challenging, and well, I don’t have one anymore anyway.
    Frank’s Big Ones. Heh, heh. Heh.



  17. Delenn on July 1, 2009 at 11:40 pm

    I have the Wii Fit, but have not checked out Active. I will look into it now. Thanks for sharing!! Awesome husband!



  18. WiseGuy on July 2, 2009 at 3:28 am

    Yeah ….lolol….size does matter! Good Luck with the Bakery Biz!
    You know, I have to get myself some exercise, but I seem to be too lazy and too aware of ‘I will start it when….’



  19. Queenie on July 2, 2009 at 7:09 am

    I totally want the Wii, too. Definitely keep us posted on how the challenge works out, so I can use that as leverage with my DH!
    Can’t wait to hear more about the cookies.



  20. k77 on July 2, 2009 at 7:58 am

    Oooh I have been hanging for some o’ Frank’s big ones lol.
    A couple of questions though;
    – Will you ship to Australia (& would they get through customs I wonder? I know from experience that anything with citrus peel in it doesn’t get through)?
    – Will you ship as a gift? ie I’d love to buy some and have them sent to a friend in the US to cheer her up.



  21. Carrie Holmquist on July 2, 2009 at 8:58 am

    While you work out on your Wii, I’ll eat all the cookies that Frank needs to be sampled, that are left over you name it.
    Now, do I have to pay for shipping if I walk there and pick them up 😉
    So, I think you need to make a little tag for all Frank’s supporters so we can spread the word about his cookie store. I want to have something up on my blog and I’m sure there are others out there that would too.



  22. Baby Smiling In Back Seat on July 2, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    You chose a great store name!
    The Aristocrat sounds fascinating.
    No gaming systems in this house, but if we ever did get one, it would be a Wii for Fit/Active (and Dance Dance Revolution) purposes.



  23. Erica on July 2, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    You had me laughing! And you almost motivated me. No, seriously good for you. I have been meaning to get active again. I need more energy.
    Love the name of the cookies!



  24. Susan on July 2, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    Must have cookies. chocolate chip. at least until chocolate chocolate chip arrive (get cracking on that Frank…it’s only so long until I’m knocked up again ya know).



  25. Danielle on July 2, 2009 at 10:33 pm

    YAY for getting Frank’s shop and up running! I’ve never done the Wii active but I know InDueTime is. Maybe ya’ll can be Wii buddies.
    Good luck!
    *HUGS*



  26. coffeegrl on July 2, 2009 at 10:44 pm

    DUDE! I’m thinking split the dozen: 1/2 Aristocrat and 1/2 Chocolate & Pecan. Thank heavens I’m back in the good old USA and can finally order and eat American baking and cookies!!! Do you notice how restrained I’ve been – not hounding you daily (or even weekly) about these cookies???? Because I’ve been thinking about them a LOT. Love the store name. Best of luck with the whole endeavor and please thank Frank for taking pity on us 😉



  27. tash on July 3, 2009 at 8:19 am

    Way to go Frank!! Can’t wait!!



  28. GeekByMarriage on July 3, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    6 sales your first day out! I’m impressed!