Why I'm a mammal

I don't know what the hell made me think of this tonight, but here is a story from the Jaiden files:

The twins were in Kindergarten when I delivered Baby M. Former IM had induced lactation and was able to breastfeed him, so about a month prior to Baby M's delivery, I arranged to pump and donate my breastmilk to my friend Lisa. After a long battle with premature ovarian failure, Lisa finally became a mom via egg donation. She was fairly certain that the hormonal dysfunction which was the cause of the infertility would also cause diminished milk production and it did. The timing of her pregnancy with Jenna and my surrogacy pregnancy with Baby M worked out perfectly, because she delivered less than a week before I did.

At any rate, one day about a month into pumping I received this email from the twins' Kindergarten teacher:

Good afternoon, Mrs. SmartOne!

I just had to tell you this story about Jaiden. As you know, we are working on a unit about types of animals. Today I introduced mammals. I explained the attributes of most mammals and when I got to the part about mammals producing milk for their babies, Jaiden threw up his hand and explained to the class that you were a mammal because you use a breast pump and had "tons and tons" of milk in the freezer. I thought it was so cute!

Have a good day and I hope your recovery is going well!
     Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher Who Probably Fell Out of Her Chair Laughing Her Ass Off     During Circle Time

When Jaiden got home from school that day, he bounded into the bedroom and before I could ask him what he learned about mammals, he exclaimed, "MOM! Today was a cool day in school! I told the class all about your breasts today!" 

Yes, that's a freezer full of packaged, dated, and carefully organized breastmilk. By the time I stopped pumping a month later, even the top two rows were completely filled with milk and we had to buy a chest freezer to store our food. If you were to call me a cow, I'd not be insulted. Moo. Call me a fat cow, and dem's fightin' words.


  1. GeekByMarriage on July 2, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    When Kyle was in the NICU for just a week the nurses had to give me my own freezer. I filled up the community one and had to take it all home in 2 Coleman coolers with wheels.

  2. Stacie on July 3, 2009 at 12:15 am

    Geez Moxie, that’s a lot of damn milk. I say that with complete envy just so you know. I know for sure that I didn’t produce that much milk for Laney during the 8 months I breastfed her.
    I think that is so awesome of you to give your milk to your friend. That’s great that it didn’t go to waste!

  3. Baby Smiling In Back Seat on July 3, 2009 at 12:29 am

    You are the La Leche League’s wet dream.

  4. JessPond on July 3, 2009 at 1:02 am

    I was a cow, too!! I actually JUST cleaned out our freezer. I had pumped breastmilk at the begining just in case but stopped after getting a stash and never used it! Shame!!
    I used to tell people my dad was nocturnal when I was little cause he liked to stay up late at night! lol

  5. tash on July 3, 2009 at 8:18 am

    Another overproducer, eh? I too, am a cow. Might as well give me a cud.
    Your kids are lovely.

  6. Cindy on July 3, 2009 at 8:31 am

    Daaaaaang. That’s a lot of milk! Too cute…out of the mouths of babes.

  7. kimmyg123@yahoo.com on July 3, 2009 at 9:45 am

    You know this makes me cry. Happy tears and sad tears. LMBO at Jaiden would have loved to been a fly on the wall.
    I used to CRY CRY CRY when my kiddos were in the NICU and the co-ordinators used to come in to try and help me produce milk. I never did(I only have one breast) The women next to me used to come in with JUGS full for her one baby and I felt like a failure as a momma. I wanted to ask for some so badly LOL!!
    But I know I did what I could for my peanuts :). YOU GO little milk momma!! Sure wish I had ya back then LOL!!

  8. Calliope on July 3, 2009 at 10:50 am

    You are queen of the boobs. I totally need to know your secret in getting such an awesome stash!

  9. becoming whole on July 3, 2009 at 11:41 am

    wow…in awe
    I have a digital video of my 3yo niece “breastfeeding” her “baby” (a stuffed fox). If my sister wouldn’t kill me, I would totally post it. Baby Me niece also “pumps.” Hah!

  10. Jess on July 3, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Oh my goodness: I think if I were the teacher in that class room I wouldn’t even know how to respond to a kid saying that. It’s funny, but at the same time it’s “Oh my” lol

  11. Io on July 3, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    Dude. That is a lot of milk.
    And that is one hell of a story. I was laughing my ass off and stopped mid-breath when I scrolled down to reveal that freezer.

  12. Pbugsmommy on July 4, 2009 at 9:10 am

    I’m the same way. My three month old was born with a cleft palate, so he can’t nurse nor is he able to eat as much asd most three month olds. We had to go buy a $500 freezer to store it all after I filled my brother and SIL’s chest freezer full. I figure formula would cost more over time and we can use the freezer after.
    I posted Frank’s link on my sidebar. It’s my first ad!

  13. coffeegrl on July 4, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    I just love that your son learned a lesson from this…so cute!

  14. Kristin on July 9, 2009 at 12:39 am

    How did I miss this post? Another area that you and I have in common. I always joke that I was either a wet nurse or a milk cow in a former life.