I know I've been away too long when there are lurkers (HI!) who come out of the woodwork to ask just where the hell I've been, or when the good women of BlogHer tap a virtual finger on my computer screen to kindly remind me that I should post at least once a week to run ads, and it's been more than two since I've done so.
Didn't I just write about TJ shaving his head and Jordan peeing all over the place?
That was the fastest two weeks of my life. Which – y'know – I've had several sloooooowww two week spans here and there, so it's quite surprising to write about boyish bathroom antics, blink, and then realize that two whole weeks have gone by.
In the past two weeks:
- I had a severe ear infection which kept me out of work 3 out of 5 days in one week. I absolutely loathe missing school due to sickness on my part and avoid it at all costs, so saying that I missed that much work due to being ill should give you an idea of just how sick I was. One Monday afternoon my ear itched a little. Hmm, that's peculiar, I thought in an absentminded sort of way as I sat at my desk grading tests. By the time I got home a few hours later, my right ear felt like it had been stuffed with lead weights and the entire right side of my face was swollen. As in, I-hope-you-killed-the-fucker-who-hit-you swollen. At that point, though I looked like I'd been clubbed with a brick I still didn't feel too bad, but after much nagging from Frank, my sister Dani, my mom, and my dad, I relented and agreed to miss work and see the doctor the next day. It's a good thing I did, because somewhere in the middle of the night it felt like the brick that hit my ear began pummeling the rest of my body. What can only be described as crusty snot drained from my ear and an invisible, evil troll poked steely daggers through the side of my face and into my brain. Que dolor. Frank dragged my sorry ass to the doctor the next day, steadying me as we walked into the office because my equilibrium was completely out of whack and I was so weak that I could barely even lift my feet. I think the doctor may have used an expletive when he peeked into my ear canal. I know I did, because even just touching my earlobe made me want to scream. Ear drops, mega doses of antibiotics, Motrin, and another day's absence were prescribed. I went to work on Thursday, still swollen, half-deaf, and lethargic. My principal quite literally told me that she'd kick my ass if I came to work on Friday. Seeing as how I'd already been kicked in the head and I had no interest in having a sore ass as well, I kept it safely at home again and was feeling much better by Saturday.
- On Wednesday night of that same week, my mother rushed my sister Chanel to the emergency room. She'd been sick for a few days prior with what seemed like a severe flu. The ER doc rushed her through triage and into a bed with an IV in each arm and threats of a central line through the groin, as her blood pressure was dangerously low and conversely, her pulse was dangerously high. Her red blood cell count was lowt and her white blood cell count was through the roof. She ended up in the ICU for 3 days and a regular room for another 2 days. After a battery of tests it was determined that she had a severe infection which spread through her entire blood stream and settled in her kidneys. Well, it was either that, or it started in her kidneys and then spread through her bloodstream. The doctors weren't able to deduce which it was, but they were definitely able to tell that the illness wasn't caused by her ulcerative colitis, which she's been living with for years. Her condition was so severe that she could have died, a message that was delivered to my mother not in those exact words, but in the somber tones that nurses and doctors used to say things along the lines of, "It's a good thing you brought her in when you did because she's really, really sick…." Thanks to the stellar health care, she's now really, really better, to the extent that she ate a cow's worth of ribs over the past two days.
- Kyra, who missed most of a week of school herself two weeks ago due to Strep, missed another day last week due to a 24-hour stomach flu.
After being slammed with various health issues over the past couple of weeks, I think that we are now *knock on wood* cootie-free. Thanks to all of you who've emailed or commented your concerns, and extra thanks goes to those who've dug through old posts of mine to fill a square for Blogger Bingo. I felt ultragooeyspecial when people came specifically looking for me to mark off a square or two.
I'll be back to your regularly scheduled dumbassery this week. 🙂