I know I've been away too long when there are lurkers (HI!) who come out of the woodwork to ask just where the hell I've been, or when the good women of BlogHer tap a virtual finger on my computer screen to kindly remind me that I should post at least once a week to run ads, and it's been more than two since I've done so.

Two weeks?

Didn't I just write about TJ shaving his head and Jordan peeing all over the place?

That was the fastest two weeks of my life. Which – y'know – I've had several sloooooowww two week spans here and there, so it's quite surprising to write about boyish bathroom antics, blink, and then realize that two whole weeks have gone by. 

In the past two weeks:

  • I had a severe ear infection which kept me out of work 3 out of 5 days in one week. I absolutely loathe missing school due to sickness on my part and avoid it at all costs, so saying that I missed that much work due to being ill should give you an idea of just how sick I was. One Monday afternoon my ear itched a little. Hmm, that's peculiar, I thought in an absentminded sort of way as I sat at my desk grading tests. By the time I got home a few hours later, my right ear felt like it had been stuffed with lead weights and the entire right side of my face was swollen. As in, I-hope-you-killed-the-fucker-who-hit-you swollen. At that point, though I looked like I'd been clubbed with a brick I still didn't feel too bad, but after much nagging from Frank, my sister Dani, my mom, and my dad, I relented and agreed to miss work and see the doctor the next day. It's a good thing I did, because somewhere in the middle of the night it felt like the brick that hit my ear began pummeling the rest of my body. What can only be described as crusty snot drained from my ear and an invisible, evil troll poked steely daggers through the side of my face and into my brain. Que dolor. Frank dragged my sorry ass to the doctor the next day, steadying me as we walked into the office because my equilibrium was completely out of whack and I was so weak that I could barely even lift my feet. I think the doctor may have used an expletive when he peeked into my ear canal. I know I did, because even just touching my earlobe made me want to scream. Ear drops, mega doses of antibiotics, Motrin, and another day's absence were prescribed. I went to work on Thursday, still swollen, half-deaf, and lethargic. My principal quite literally told me that she'd kick my ass if I came to work on Friday. Seeing as how I'd already been kicked in the head and I had no interest in having a sore ass as well, I kept it safely at home again and was feeling much better by Saturday.
  • On Wednesday night of that same week, my mother rushed my sister Chanel to the emergency room. She'd been sick for a few days prior with what seemed like a severe flu. The ER doc rushed her through triage and into a bed with an IV in each arm and threats of a central line through the groin, as her blood pressure was dangerously low and conversely, her pulse was dangerously high. Her red blood cell count was lowt and her white blood cell count was through the roof. She ended up in the ICU for 3 days and a regular room for another 2 days. After a battery of tests it was determined that she had a severe infection which spread through her entire blood stream and settled in her kidneys. Well, it was either that, or it started in her kidneys and then spread through her bloodstream. The doctors weren't able to deduce which it was, but they were definitely able to tell that the illness wasn't caused by her ulcerative colitis, which she's been living with for years. Her condition was so severe that she could have died, a message that was delivered to my mother not in those exact words, but in the somber tones that nurses and doctors used to say things along the lines of, "It's a good thing you brought her in when you did because she's really, really sick…." Thanks to the stellar health care, she's now really, really better, to the extent that she ate a cow's worth of ribs over the past two days.
  • Kyra, who missed most of a week of school herself two weeks ago due to Strep, missed another day last week due to a 24-hour stomach flu.

After being slammed with various health issues over the past couple of weeks, I think that we are now *knock on wood* cootie-free. Thanks to all of you who've emailed or commented your concerns, and extra thanks goes to those who've dug through old posts of mine to fill a square for Blogger Bingo. I felt ultragooeyspecial when people came specifically looking for me to mark off a square or two.

I'll be back to your regularly scheduled dumbassery this week. 🙂


  1. Cindy on September 8, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    Sheesh. Finally.
    Well. Except you sent me an e-mail. So I feel special and had enough Moxie to tide me over.
    🙂 Yikes! A finger shake from BlogHer…you’re in trooouuubbllleeeee.

  2. Baby Smiling In Back Seat on September 8, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    Gosh golly. You people make me sound like a beacon of health… and I’m in the hospital.

  3. Trish K on September 8, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Wow- and I thought we had it bad over here in our cootie filled house. I’m so glad that things are looking up for you and your family! I can’t imagine how scary it was for Chanel to be in ICU like that. I think that we are pretty cootie free at my house too now, but I’m not sure about Allison. She had a fever today, but I am hoping that it is gone by tomorrow. If not, then I guess she will be going to the doctor too. Lauren and I are both on antibiotics, so why not a third, right?

  4. Fertility Chick on September 8, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    Oh my! What a time you’ve all had — I’m glad you’re back – but sorry to hear about all of the health ‘stuff’ you and your family have been dealing with.
    Glad that everyone is on the mend!!

  5. GeekByMarriage on September 8, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    Yay my Moxie is baaaaaaaack!
    1. Had to laugh my ass off at “I-hope-you-killed-the-fucker-who-hit-you”.
    2. Sorry you were so sick and I didn’t come running with soup! Had I known I would have!
    3. I followed Dani’s updates on Facebook about Chanel. Was biting my fingers to the nub until I got the news that she was out of the woods.
    4. Kids always get the coolest germs and by coolest I mean shittiest. They always seem willing to share said germs with the whole family.
    5. YAY cootie free!!!!!!!!
    Oh how I have missed you, and yearned for you, and had thoughts about stalking you now that I know where you live.

  6. GeekByMarriage on September 8, 2009 at 11:00 pm

    P.S Did you get my 2 email replies I sent you?

  7. Kristin on September 8, 2009 at 11:23 pm

    OMG Moxie…I could seriously kick myself for not calling and checking on you. I’m so glad you are better and thank God Chanel got the medical care she needed. Next time life and health go to hell in a handbasket (hopefully a very, very LONG time away), have some one give me a call pretty please, mmkay? At least then, I could send up an extra prayer or two. Smooches chica

  8. luna on September 9, 2009 at 2:10 am

    hope everyone is doing better! looking fwd to your future dumbassery.

  9. WiseGuy on September 9, 2009 at 10:27 am

    Wishing a little pinker cheek for everybody!
    Be good.

  10. jenn on September 9, 2009 at 10:30 am

    Yikes! Talk about a house of ick… I’m so glad everyone is doing better.
    I can relate to your sis’s scare- my mom (a nurse) constantly refer’s to my kidney episode as the time when I was soo close to death. I’m very grateful & happy that good healthcare is readily available for these situations- and yes- eating 2 cows worth of ribs is a great sign she’s doing much better!

  11. Beautiful Mess on September 9, 2009 at 11:31 am

    Good Lord and a quarter woman! That’s A LOT of cooties runin round your place! I hope that those damn cooties stay FAR away from you and yours for a LONG long LONG time! Glad everyone is well *knocks on wood* and your sister ate a bunch! That’s always a good sign.

  12. anymommy on September 9, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Arg. Just left a long comment. It got eaten? Did you get it? I’m going to email you!

  13. Amanda on September 9, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    Only you can make severe ear infection humorous! Glad to hear everyone is doing better. Especially your sister! That sounds scary.

  14. Shelli on September 9, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Egh. Not the cooties.
    I’ve been a bad blogger myself.
    Glad you are on the mend, and your sis…. very scary.

  15. Jo on September 9, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    Glad to hear that everyone is feeling better. Don’t beat yourself up about being MIA — the beginning of the school year is hectic enough without all the personal drama! Your plate has been full.
    Thinking of you,

  16. chicklet on September 9, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    Good lord woman, could you guys have any MORE going on?! Feel better soon, and post more debauchery. We miss it. And you know, it’s all about us…

  17. becoming whole on September 9, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    Oh, I was wondering about you and somewhat worried…I’m so glad that you’re ok now, and especially that your sister is ok. Wow.
    I did miss your dumbassery, you know. 😉

  18. coffeegrl on September 11, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    ugh. that sounds like a terrible way to spend some time MIA. Can’t wait to hear some good news or at least new news that isn’t about cooties b/c really? Sounds like you’ve all had more than your share and could use a break!

  19. Alexicographer on September 11, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    Gosh — I’ve been away and just came back by to see what you’ve been up to and, um, I hope the next 2 weeks are calmer … and very glad Chanel is OK. Yikes. Hope you can take a deep breath somewhere in here.

  20. Sunny on September 11, 2009 at 11:15 pm

    Oh no!!! And here I was hoping this would be a “I was off on a secluded island enjoying long swims in the warm ocean and sipping fruity drinks” sort of MIA post. I’m glad you are all doing better now… no more sickies for a LONG time!

  21. Soapchick on September 14, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    Hi Moxie – how can I contact you via email to ask you a surrogacy question?

  22. susan (ova-achiever) on September 15, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    Hey, remember me? I’m still lurking!
    Wow, you have had a couple of stressful weeks. Bless your heart. I’m glad everyone is doing better.

  23. GeekByMarriage on September 16, 2009 at 5:04 am

    Taps on the monitor…HELLLOOOOOO is it mid-September yet?! I gotta get my cookie on! I’ve been god and waited!!

  24. jill on September 16, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Seriously, are the cooties really gone? I miss your posts!