Understandably, it's taken a while for me to be able to post here about my new journey without a) being riddled with sadness about how the last one ended and b) feeling guilty over allowing myself to feel happy again. I'm past that now (mostly), and today because there is something to celebrate, I'd like to finally tell you about my new intended mom, who herself is a fellow blogger.
When we first matched in July, my emotions were raw and she knew that I needed some time and some space to heal. It is uncommon for me to have or need "space" at the start of a surrogacy journey, or at any time at all during a journey, for that matter. I'm all about the bonding and in that respect, I feel that I've somewhat cheated her out of some of the happy-happy-joy-joy sparks that usually fly when you've found the one. She's been patient and kind — an understanding sounding board as I've made steps towards healing over the past few months. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to luck into yet another great relationship.
I first came to know Miss W more than a year ago via the Lost and Found. A prospective intended mother had questions about the compensation and fees that can be expected for a surrogate. I clicked through to her blog and left a lengthy reply. Soon after I posted a couple of comments on her blog, I found an introductory email from her. Little did I know, she already knew who I was from my blog, but
especially from my posts and reputation as a member and moderator of Surrogate Mothers Online (SMO). She explained that she and her husband (who here and on her blog is known as "Mr. W") had a 3-year old son (The Lowercase) who had been born prematurely due to her unicornuate uterus. Because of that and a history of repeat miscarriages, attempting to carry another pregnancy herself was not worth the risk, hence their need for a surrogate.
Mr. W was extremely hesitant to embark on a surrogacy journey. Understandably, the thought of a perfect stranger carrying his child was perfectly strange, especially given how rightfully protective he felt over his unconceived potential children. Miss W was equally hesitant, but initially more willing to explore the idea of trusting a virtual stranger with something so important. She explained that at first, The Uppercase was adamant about working with only a family member or friend. Those options were explored, but nothing panned out the way they hoped. Eventually he warmed to the idea of doing a typical search for a surrogate, and both of them were nervous about taking those steps forward. Advice is what she needed, and advice is what I gave. Advice turned into me finding a potential match for them and when that fell through a few months later, I gave my "thumbs up" for a second surrogate, who was a fellow long-time member of SMO. My support for and approval of those surrogates helped Miss W feel even more comfortable with those matches, as she trusted my opinions. Unfortunately, the second match also fell through. Timing and distance issues were factors in the dissolution of the matches, and those issues continued to make it difficult for Miss W and Mr. W to match.
Meanwhile, we didn't email often, but occasionally Miss W would ask for additional advice, email to applaud how I handled certain caustic situations on SMO (it can sometimes get very heated on a message board full of women doped to the gills on injectible hormones), and continued to offer support through my journey with Chance and Apollo. When that journey ended in June, I had a new ad posted by July. Within a couple of weeks of that ad being posted, I found another email from Miss W in my inbox:
"…I was wondering if you would consider…because I've always thought so highly of you…let me hurry up and click "send" now before I chicken out again…."
We'd talked about surrogacy-related issues before but never about the prospect of us working together, so we agreed to get to know each other on that level and just see where things went from there. Her emails had always been so formal and her blog even has more of a formal tone to it. It didn't take long for me to learn that she actually is a complete and utter goofball geek.
And Mr. W is, too. Maybe even more so.
She described me to one of her friends and he said, "She sounds just like you, only Black."
Within days we realized that we have so much in common personality-wise, and we also have all the same opinions on the major surrogacy issues. Moving from "just talking" to "dude, we're matched!" was an easy step to take.
We keep each other laughing with the stupidest of things and I have the feeling that we are going to be nothing but trouble once we finally get to meet in person.
For various reasons on both of our parts, we've had to wait a long while for anything "official" to happen. They had a phone consult with my clinic about a month ago and that was the equivalent of toeing up to the line, but today marks the first major bit forward motion. There was a bloodletting, and nothing says progress like a needle in vein. Today was Miss W's blood work for the Clomid Challenge test that Dr. Sleep ordered. And so it begins….
A while ago, somehow Miss W and I found ourselves discussing the comical goodness that is The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire. She double-dog dared me to do the Carlton and post it for a Show and Tell.
Seeing as how it's a special occasion and I have few qualms about making a complete ass of myself:
Who else is standing at the front of the class this week? Check it out with Mel at her weekly Show and Tell.