The Deadly Silence ~ Guest Blogger

I suck. I had all these grandiose plans to get lots of writing done over my way-too-short, one-week vacation and I was unable to pen anything of real substance. Between eating my weight in turkey, doctoring two sick kids (TJ had a cold and Jordan currently has an ear infection with a side of bronchitis), and planning world domination, I had little time to write the way I wanted to. But never fear – my sister in surrogacy Tammi, on whose blog I wrote last week, has written a guest entry for me!

In this post, she spins a hilarious tale about her (hottie) husband
learning that silence, though pleasant, is usually not such a good
thing when there are twin toddlers running around. Quiet = Mischief, as
he learns just a few moments too late. 

Kill the turkey (This picture of Tammi's DH is completely irrelevant to the post, but it was so devilishly hysterical that I had to share it.)

She needs no introduction because she is The Awesome and well, she introduced herself far better than I could have. I hope you'll enjoy her post!

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Tammi For those of you who unfamiliar with me, I am a friend of Moxie’s and have my own blog. It’s called Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo.  My blog is dedicated to the miracle of my twin sons via Traditional Surrogacy.

I am totally barren, unable to have children in any manner.  I am 48 years old and became a mother after decades of hopes, dreams, and children lost to the loving arms of the Lord. My blog incorporates everything I love.  My DH, the kids, the whole gamut of my life.  Including poetry, songs, random ramblings about motherhood and being an identical twin raising fraternal twin sons.

Moxie, thank you for letting me share the love… the Holidays are just around the corner.  I know a lot of parents who can relate to this entry.  For those of you who are newly TTC and/or expecting, here’s what to expect.

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The Deadly Silence

One thing you can expect for certain when you have kids is to get slammed with every illness known to mankind.  H1N1, hand, foot, mouth, Fifths Disease, Lice, whatever.

Just roll with it.

It’s gonna get you, somehow, someway, anyway.

The other thing you can expect, if you haven’t already experienced this lovely phenomenon, is The Deadly Silence.

The Deadly Silence is when you have kids.  You are busy.  On the phone, putting dishes away, folding clothes, perhaps doing the horizontal bop with your loved one.

Thinking the kids are staying put.  Enjoying themselves.

If you have toddlers you KNOW if they don’t nap you get no rest for the weary.

But this is a universal truth.  Ageless, and true.

The Deadly Silence.

The Deadly Silence recently happened to me.

I was at the doc’s getting my vertigo, left over from a horrific URI that I caught from my sons, checked out.

I caught a URI and it hit my ear canal.  I had vertigo so badly, I smashed into a wall and broke two toes on my right foot.  I was so sick I could not drive to get them fixed.

I COULD drive to get the boys all fixed w/the URIs.  But NOT me.  I just did not have the time or the energy.

I know, happy kids, healthy kids, healthy mom… well.  What you don’t know about ME is that my DH is a traveling man.  So for 4 days and 3 nights I am a single mom during the week.

When I am sick, oh boy.  Or I should say, boys!

 
Duo

My toddler twin sons are full of life, love, affection, intellect, curiosity.

I remember well my friends who came before me giving me wisdom that I truly appreciated and learned from.  That wisdom was this:

The Deadly Silence is the worst.

When all is calm, hope for the best, but expect the worst.

I was told that by my late fiance’s docs when he was diagnosed with brain cancer.  By my docs, when I was diagnosed with renal cell cancer.  And by my mom’s docs, when I caregave her before she passed
of brain cancer.

I never expected hoping for the best and expecting the worst to evolve from The Deadly Silence.

The DH didn’t know this.

Hotness

So this week, after having thrown up a spectacular Christmas tree. One for the ages, carefully decorated, looking like something out of House and Garden, perhaps… it stood for a month.

Tree before

Because I understand my boys’ psyches and I understand The Deadly Silence.

The Deadly Silence for them means mayhem, chaos and tag teaming. Because they are twins and they do double the damage a singleton would.

They are quite clever, my Duo.  We used a Playard XT (a baby jail, basically that for a singleton you can use for quite a while.  For a Duo, you can use it maybe 2 months max before they learn as a Duo to lift it up and go under, or, lean on it like the Tower of Pisa and fly over the side.  Which mine did both.

I was comfortable with the tree surrounded by the Playard XT.  I know my kids well, as a SAHMer and Durgaspending a ton of time with them.  I am literally like the Hindu goddess, Durga, who has many eyes and hands, to see everything going on and get things done.

The DH rocks as a father, but multitasking and having multiple eyes isn’t his gig.  His gig is being the Techno-Supreme Dude.

I digress but I rarely stay on topic, which you would understand if you visit my blog.

I left confidently for the doc, thinking, things will be all good. And they were.  The head clearing up, the clouds that formed in my mind from the URI going away.

I got home and the DH looked mighty sheepish.

He said, “Honey.  They destroyed the tree.”

I didn’t understand what he was saying (confident that it has stood firm and beautiful for over a month, under my watch).  “Huh?  They destroyed the tree?  What tree?  It is still standing.”

He said, “Look underneath.”

I looked.  There, were shards of heirloom ornaments and dented plastic balls.  None glass but all decked.  Decades of carefully stored Christmas ornaments (the DH and I celebrate nearly 2 decades next
week, and 20 months of parenthood on Thanksgiving Day) and ones to commemorate our Duo, DECKED.  To the Ground.

Trashed tree

I said, “Oh honey.  This tree stood firm for a month.  How did they destroy it in 30 minutes while I was gone?”

He said, voice low and scared… “I was on a conference call.  It was really quiet.  I was sitting right there but preoccupied by the call. They started throwing ball pit balls at it.  I saw them but thought they wouldn’t do damage…THEN, they stormed the tree.”

OK.

So now, after Hurricane Duo decked the tree and not with boughs of holly, the DH learned about the Deadly Silence.  I said to him, “Honey from now on. If there is silence, there will be mayhem.  Be aware.”

Sheepish… “OK.  Now I get it.”

He didn’t get it, though I have been schooling him for 20 mos about this, as I was schooled by moms before me… until the tree, the glorious tree, got down to the ground.

I was mad but not for the reason why you would think I'd be mad. I
am the papparazzi who records every second of their life in still and
video. I was mad he was on a concall and did not record the exact moment of the tree being trashed so we could reflect back on it and
roll, laughing!

I gathered the ornaments, now smashed and dented and put them in a Wallyworld bag.  Placed them in the cellar.  So that I can tell the kids about The Day the Hurricane Duo hit hard and strong.  The day before Thanksgiving.  And the tree morphed from House Beautiful’s special Christmas issue tree… to the Charlie Brown tree special.

Trashed

The kids and us, will look at that Wallyworld bag, ages and ages from now and crack up.  Why bother putting up more ornaments?  I love it just the way it is.  Charlie Brown style!  Decorated by the Duo, my little Dudes!  Their first foray into fashioning their very own tree.

7 Comments

  1. Kristin on November 29, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    Man does that ever sound like something that would happen in my house.



  2. Lavender Luz on November 29, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    It DOES sound like something that would happen in Kristin’s house. She guest blogged about the Deadly Silence on my blog over the summer.
    Your dynamic duo should get point for efficiency! I’m sure your DH will not forget this lesson.



  3. Sheri on November 30, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    Yes…I’ve experienced The Deadly Silence. At first you think, “Ah, finally peace,” but then you know that it’s the calm before the storm.
    I laughed when I saw the tree surrounded by the multi-part gate. I had a 17-month old son when my fraternal twin boys were born. Talk about busy!
    We had our Christmas tree in a corner and put the gate all the way around it. It worked for a while…and then, SILENCE…YIKES!
    Great post! Thank you…



  4. Jennette on November 30, 2009 at 11:13 pm

    Such a funny guest post, had me laughing at my desk at work. I soooo can imagine the situation….something my 5yo son and his dog would do. I too well understand The Deadly Silence.



  5. Christine on December 1, 2009 at 7:00 am

    I can soooo imagine the sheepish look dear hubby gave! I’m lol’ing. Pit balls won’t hurt the tree? As if! 😀
    You should set up a trail camera in the house, that is motion-activated, to catch these video-worthy moments…me thinks hubby should buy you one of those techno-gadgets:)
    Great post, thanks for the laughs!



  6. Anti-Supermom on December 1, 2009 at 10:06 am

    So crazy, I’ve known Moxie through SMO (I was sweetbee) and rarely posted but stalked people and here I know Tammi too – through here blog. Such a small world!
    That before and after picture of the Christmas tree about says it all, children will change your life; some moment will light up the room, others could be thrown in the trash.
    Nice guest post!



  7. Nina on December 4, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Ohhhh that is too funny. My husband is new to this world of children (we have three but they are from my previous marriage) and he learned a long time ago that the silence means either one of two things… they fell asleep (not likely) or they are destroying something (very highly likely). My daughters are 7 and 9 and when they’re quiet and not arguing, they’re usually in the makeup. They tear through my drawers and grab out eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara, and eyeliner to “do their faces” and then they come into the living room or my bedroom and say they were dressing up to perform a play. It’s hard to stay upset for long, but it never fails that the hubby comes home to find the mess in their bathroom (which I neglect to notice) and he wonders what I do all day… He has NO idea how much I desire the peace and quiet at times even though I know the girls are up to no good. Haha, he learned his lesson when he was a Stay-At-Home-Dad though. Nothing like on the job training. 🙂