Before the Beginning

It’s over. Everything. No more starting lines, no more waiting, no more hoping, no more hope.

I’m done. Retired. I can’t go through this shit anymore.

Today was the last repeat of the same tune:

Bad news. The sighs of resignation. Tears. Hugs. Goodbyes. A long drive home, during which there were many more tears and maybe a few curse words aimed at everything at once and nothing in particular.

While I hate to be cryptic in the here and now, all that really matters is what the bottom line and all the empty spaces in between boil down to:

infertility fucking sucks.

68 thoughts on “Before the Beginning”

  1. Moxie, I’m stunned and angry and just deeply sad with you and for you.
    It’s not how you wanted to go out, but my god you’ve done so much for yourself and others. I’m going to hang onto that for a while, now.

  2. Oh shit. I’m sorry, Moxie. It does totally suck. Suck suck suck suck. I’m with Bionic Baby Mama about the monkey poo. How heartbreaking.

  3. I felt like you were putting a lot on the line with this one, emotionally speaking. I was hoping so hard for everything to work out for them and for you. I’m so — oh, I don’t know what word to use — frustrated, disappointed, sad for you. I hope you can avoid despairing over this — you really should be proud of yourself for even trying — but whether you can or not, my thoughts are with you.

  4. The last line says it all! {{HUGS}} to you, and I’m so sorry! Also- I will continue to work on my hubby. It may not be this time, or even soon, but perhaps he will come around, given a little time. I figure I have a few more good years before I’m “too old”.

  5. Oh sweetie! I am so so SO sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and your IP’s. Please don’t beat yourself up too much. You are awesome, amazing, and totally cool!
    Love you!
    *HUGS*

  6. ugh, so sorry, kym, for all of you.
    not the way you wanted to go out, I’m sure, but I like what tash said and I’m going to hold on to that too.
    you are a superstar.

  7. Moxie, you’re amazing and you’ve already kicked infertility in the balls over and over. It really, really sucks that you weren’t able to be a part of the solution for the last beautiful couples you tried to help, but it doesn’t take away from all you have done. Thinking of you.

  8. Okay…so now I know why. Shit. Don’t you let this mess eat you alive as it’s easy to let it. No doubt about it infertility sucks but it ain’t everything. Call me if you want to cuss. No crying. I can’t deal with the crying but if you want to cuss using the raunchiest words known to man…I’m ya huckleberry.

  9. Moxie – You’ve been on my mind a lot lately and I know your heartache. Infertility sucks a big fucking one and I’m so sorry that both of us have to hurt like this. I hate IF – but one good thing that has come out of it is my friendship with you.
    You’re wonderful and wise and beautiful and kind and caring… in my eyes you’re perfect and I love you.
    I’m here for you always.
    ♥ T

  10. Something made me think of you today… I can’t even remember what now, but I wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Wait. I remember. I was plucking a couple whiskers from my face and I remembered the story you told about you and your mom shaving together, and it made me smile. Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better and that you and yours are all happy and well and that you will write again sometime soon. Miss you!

  11. copper fittings

    It is very interesting,Thank you for sharing this to us! It sounds like an amazing & beautiful race (kinda wish I’d run it, too). Glad the weather held for you.

  12. copper fittings

    It is very interesting,Thank you for sharing this to us! It sounds like an amazing & beautiful race (kinda wish I’d run it, too). Glad the weather held for you.

  13. It is very interesting,Thank you for sharing this to us! It sounds like an amazing & beautiful race (kinda wish I’d run it, too). Glad the weather held for you.

  14. Adorable! Really perfect moment,That looks really good and yesss, I agree that would be good with some applesauce!Thank you for sharing this to us! It sounds like an amazing & beautiful race (kinda wish I’d run it, too). Glad the weather held for you.

  15. It does not produce thumbnails. At least not with some WP installations. I wasted far too much time last night trying to get it to work. Others have brought this problem up with the developer and he is at a loss to figure out what it’s not working.

  16. Love you Moxie. YOu know how MUCH you mean to everyone and how fucking awesome you are….enuff said!

Comments are closed.