This morning during standardized testing it was dead quiet, with the silent sizzling of my students' synapses frying lulling me into a bored daze. The ding of an email alert lead me to my computer, where I found a message from one of my teaching teammates, Mr. Math, waiting:

"Student on Probation's lojack ankle brace is buzzing. Mr. Curriculum Coordinator was notified. All is well, so don't worry. They [the students] don't seem to be disturbed by it. Wow, such things are becoming normalcy in our society."

State standardized testing is serious, and all disruptions (such as the relentless buzzing of a student's house arrest lojack losing its charge) must be reported as a possible testing irregularity. The severity of the irregularity may or may not invalidate an entire class's scores. Now, this may not be a laughing matter to you, but be assured that to me and our other teaching teammate to whom he sent the email (Mrs. Science), this was most definitely cause to chuckle. "Ha ha ha," was her reply-all response, and I knew that the the three of us were trying to keep our laughs in check to avoid distrubing the students' concentration.

A few minutes later, this one came through from Mr. Math:

"Mr. Curriculum Coordinator brought in a charger, lol. He's plugged into the wall. I thought I'd seen it all in education. No more surprises for me."

People, I tell you I nearly lost my shit with the snickers. While certainly not new to teaching, Mr. Math is new to teaching this grade level. Knowing that he was across the hall reeling with this new zap of culture shock nearly sent me into a fit of test-invalidating giglges. Mrs. Science and I have been teaching 8th grade together for the past eight years. We've seen more than our share of kids on probation (who we affectionately call "probies"), pregnancies, wicked catfights over who did a better job screwing the same boy, and other such issues. We even had a married student one year.  Nothing much surprises me anymore. We deal with grown folks' business up here.

All I know is that amid my barely-repressed snickering, my fingers burned like they haven't in months and I thought, as if I'd only been away for a day:

"I'm soooo blogging this."

So, here I am.

How the hell have you been?



  1. melissa on April 14, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Missed you!! Glad you’re back 🙂

  2. Shelli on April 14, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    I have been wondering what’s been up with you. Not even many crumbs on FB from you. Beginning to think you retired to a deserted island or something. (snicker)
    That is blogging genius material there!! Scary, yes… and also LOL funny.
    Miss you.

  3. Baby Smiling In Back Seat on April 14, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Oh Moxie, welcome back!
    Hope to hear from you again very soon (wink, wink).

  4. jill on April 14, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    Wow that is some crazy stuff! Glad to see a post from you 🙂

  5. Pam on April 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Yeah! You’re back!!! Still glad you’re blogging even though we chat on FB and Skype. 🙂

  6. Megan on April 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Hi! I missed you! In the last week or so I’d actually been considering asking around about you.
    I can’t even imagine kids that age having those kinds of problems especially with the frequency you seem to see them. I mean, we had *a* girl in my high school who was pregnant (which is not to say anything of the actual impregnation rate, but I can’t speak to that), and she came to our school *because* she was pregnant (her mom was a teacher there). It was scandalous.
    It’s a good thing that they have teachers like you.

  7. debbie on April 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Hahaha! I love it. At leaat someone can find humor in ankle monitors! It’s so nice to heam from you Moxie!! Oh how i’ve missed you making me fall over in fits of laughter!

  8. Rebekah @ Making Miracles on April 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Hey lady! Glad to see you blogging and thank you for that insight into your world – as depressing as it may be!!! 😀

  9. Queenie on April 14, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    I’ve taken a bit of a break myself in recent months, but am kind of back, and I was completely bummed when I looked you up and saw that you hadn’t blogged since August. It is so good to see you haven’t disappeared!

  10. Jess on April 14, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Glad to see you’re alive!
    Too funny!

  11. Quiet Dreams on April 14, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Missed you…of course, I haven’t really been blogging lately either, so…
    Glad to see you pop up in my reader today!

  12. JessPond on April 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Why hello!!!
    Holy crap…you ain’t in bumnuts Ohio, that’s for sure. You’ve had EIGHTH GRADERS who are pregnant? And married?? WTH? Seriously. We only had a couple of pregnant kids in our whole HIGH SCHOOL. Balls! I’m staying out here where “bad” means too much drinking or a little pot. Yowza.
    Us…well…finishing off this pregnancy, hoping for a live baby in the next few weeks. One kid’s almost 4, one is 3.5. Onward and upward, right? Life moving on etc.

  13. a on April 14, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    I was just wondering where you were the other day…glad you’re still alive!
    I would have had a hard time not chuckling out loud at a buzzing lojack – I can’t imagine that’s a daily occurrence. I would feel pretty sad about the state of affairs for the children you teach, but I know that you are a good, stabilizing influence for them.

  14. Cyndi on April 14, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    Yay! Oh how I’m missed you (and Frank and El Cinco)! I’m so glad you’re back – please stay.

  15. Sara on April 14, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Kyyyymmmmmm!!!!!! I’m so happy to hear from you.

  16. Miss W on April 15, 2011 at 8:07 am

    Oh Moxie!!!! Thank GAWD you are back! And OMG I love this story — the things the children of the next generations think of as normal just blow my mind.

  17. cheryllookingforward on April 15, 2011 at 8:42 am

    It’s wonderful to hear from you!

  18. Preshus Me on April 15, 2011 at 10:09 am

    We’ve been missing you, that’s how the hell we’ve been! Hope you feel inspired to write more often. 🙂

  19. niobe on April 15, 2011 at 11:37 am

    It’s KYM!!! Yay!

  20. Kristin on April 15, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    KYM!!!!!!!!!!! This post made my day. Not for the giggle inducing ridiculousness but because you are back and posted. I missed you my friend.

  21. tash on April 15, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Exhausted. Spent. Wasted. Happy. Satisfied. Compared to your student, riding a wave in heaven while someone feeds me sushi.

  22. Balancing Act on April 18, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Shut the front door!!! If I had that student charged into the wall I would have busted up, no doubt.

  23. BumpyJourney on April 18, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Holy Beeping Batman! That is hysterical. Seriously- house arrest? LOL