This morning during standardized testing it was dead quiet, with the silent sizzling of my students' synapses frying lulling me into a bored daze. The ding of an email alert lead me to my computer, where I found a message from one of my teaching teammates, Mr. Math, waiting:
"Student on Probation's lojack ankle brace is buzzing. Mr. Curriculum Coordinator was notified. All is well, so don't worry. They [the students] don't seem to be disturbed by it. Wow, such things are becoming normalcy in our society."
State standardized testing is serious, and all disruptions (such as the relentless buzzing of a student's house arrest lojack losing its charge) must be reported as a possible testing irregularity. The severity of the irregularity may or may not invalidate an entire class's scores. Now, this may not be a laughing matter to you, but be assured that to me and our other teaching teammate to whom he sent the email (Mrs. Science), this was most definitely cause to chuckle. "Ha ha ha," was her reply-all response, and I knew that the the three of us were trying to keep our laughs in check to avoid distrubing the students' concentration.
A few minutes later, this one came through from Mr. Math:
"Mr. Curriculum Coordinator brought in a charger, lol. He's plugged into the wall. I thought I'd seen it all in education. No more surprises for me."
People, I tell you I nearly lost my shit with the snickers. While certainly not new to teaching, Mr. Math is new to teaching this grade level. Knowing that he was across the hall reeling with this new zap of culture shock nearly sent me into a fit of test-invalidating giglges. Mrs. Science and I have been teaching 8th grade together for the past eight years. We've seen more than our share of kids on probation (who we affectionately call "probies"), pregnancies, wicked catfights over who did a better job screwing the same boy, and other such issues. We even had a married student one year. Nothing much surprises me anymore. We deal with grown folks' business up here.
All I know is that amid my barely-repressed snickering, my fingers burned like they haven't in months and I thought, as if I'd only been away for a day:
"I'm soooo blogging this."
So, here I am.
How the hell have you been?