Pretty Girl Not

So. In the clamoring desire for change that I've had since The Great Surrogacy Retirement (and by "great" I mean Not Great), on a whim one day a couple of months ago I decided make an appointment to get my hair professionally cut. It is only every two or so years that the urge to drastically alter my hair strikes, so when the feeling hits I usually act swiftly before I change my mind. My hair had grown long and while that's a good thing, it was mostly a limp, shapeless mass which I dealt with by pulling back into a not-sexy ponytail. Suddenly wanting to feel somewhat sexy (at least from the neck up), I made an appointment, printed out a picture of the style I wanted, and went to the beautician within an hour of deciding to whack off my hair. 

"Please do this except not quite as short and not asymmetrical," I said as I handed the stylist this picture:

Keri Hilson

What I got was this:
Moxie hair

I just took this picture a few minutes ago, so my bangs have grown out significantly since then. But when it was first done, they stopped about half an inch above my eyebrows. You might be thinking that this haircut might not be so bad. Allow me to to put it in context for you:

Moxie Dora
Not cute. AND! The stylist also "got creative" and at random intervals around my head, twisted in funky curlicues over the bob. AND, AND! There was absolutely no professional finesse to her cutting techniques. She just hacked an even trim around my hair and macheted my bangs much too short. I could have done that for myself at home.

I'll let my hair grow more through the summer, then will try again with someone else before the start of the next school year. In the meantime, come regale me with tales of your most hair-raising (or cutting) experience. 

When you're finished, we can all dance and shout, "¡Lo hicimos!"

15 thoughts on “Pretty Girl Not”

  1. aw, i don’t think that’s so bad — but i have to admit that my least favorite haircut i ever had was that one. it was second grade, and while i now see the pictures and think they are adorable, at the time i was BITTERLY disappointed.
    my *most* haircutting experience, though, was my first year in college. i had hair i could sit on. i shaved it off. it fuckin’ rocked.

  2. I’m digging the bang look on you, but anything related to Dora I dislike. Just not a fan of her whatsoever. Where did you go?
    I have done so many things to my hair, but meh, it’s hair. I’m calling around soon to get some quotes on going brown again, I’m not digging the blonde any more.

  3. I’m starting to think that in addition to having two vaginas, Bionic Baby Mama has two asses, both bad. That’s the most impressive hair story that I’ve heard in a while.
    My worst haircut happened when I was about 7 months pregnant with Eggbert. I was living in Korea, and for some reason I thought it was a good idea to go to some random el cheapo “salon,” despite the fact that I shared zero languages with the staff there, and let them take scissors to my head. It looked like I had been attacked with a lawn mower. After years of refusing to cut my hair, my husband actually agreed to help me by cutting off some hanging chads in the back. Then I cut it some more using a mirror and fingernail scissors. We both agreed that it looked better after we “fixed” it.
    Or wait, was my worst haircut when I was 16 and let my BFF cut my hair. In the middle of the cut, she had “a vision,” and totally changed her plan. It did not go well. My mother cried when she saw it.
    Or was it when I had an infection in my scalp and huge areas went completely bald, and then the hair grew back super-curly and stuck out just in those spots.
    Now that I think about it, I seem to be having a bad hair life.

  4. I would never have thought Dora!! You are too funny! Can you just sidesweep your bangs a bit, do you think that’d help your perception of it?

  5. OMG, I lost it when I saw the Dora picture. My worst hair story isn’t a haircut, it was an entire era of not knowing what to do with my uber-curly hair because my mom has stick straight hair. It was NOT pretty.

  6. The last “cheap” haircut I had left about four long random pieces hanging down below the rest of my hair. I had a friend cut them off.

  7. I’m pretty much done with getting my hair cut. My beloved stylist of 8 years moved to NYC (damn her and her dreams!) and I haven’t been able to find a decent stylist since. I’ve paid low, high and everything in between. I can’t stand what they give me. I finally found the perfect stylist (awesome cut, color and dirt cheap to boot!) but she lives across the country on the opposite coast (thanks for the tip Mom!). You can bet the next time I plan to visit Mom and Dad on the East Coast I’m booking an appointment to get my hair done with this miracle worker!!

  8. YOU CAME BACK!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been away a bit myself, but loved catching up on your newest posts…
    –Awesome 9/11 attire.
    –Haircut post made me giggle.
    –Loved, LOVED your infertility post (“assholiness” heeheeee!)
    You rock, Gal! 🙂

  9. I had the worst experience of my life at a department store salon. From there on out I didn’t trust anyone to cut it so I would have my husband comb it all straight and trim off the ends.
    I have thick curly hair that used to be a knotted mess a lot of the time. Unfortunately I went to the dept store salon on a whim and hadn’t brushed my hair before hand. I wrongly figured they could handle it – I just wanted a trim. The woman washed my hair and proceeded to brush it out starting at the top (ack!) and once all the knots were gathered in the last 3 or so inches, she just chopped them all off. Of course this was actually about 10 inches of my hair and that, combined with a crappy, no-style hair cut basically traumatized me. haha I can look back and laugh now 🙂
    About 5 years ago I let a coworker who was going to school to be a hair dresser cut my hair and have been going to her ever since. I love her and won’t have any idea what to do if we ever move away from each other.
    I don’t think your hair looks bad though! I’m definitely not an expert but I think they just didn’t thin it out enough. Needs some more subtle layers maybe?

  10. Remember that time in Orlando, I got my hair cut and dyed and the next day it was an orange-ish, blond-like, hot mess. I went back the next day and made them re-dye it. Last time I ever got my hair dyed!
    And then… there was the time, I went to the salon at the mall in Waycross. I asked the beautician if she could do Black-folks hair. She assured me by saying, in a GA twange, “Why some of my best customers are African American!”
    I trusted her and walked out of there looking like Ronald McDonald, with gray hair! Baby Me style! It could have been him I took as my picture of what I wanted.

  11. I haven’t read blogs much in a while, but I’m glad I logged in to reader and saw this post. I never would’ve guessed Dora, but geez you made me laugh out loud!

Comments are closed.