I think anyone who's read here for a while has probably sensed that this day was coming. I decided almost a year ago that if I were ever going to be able to write again the way I wanted to, I couldn't do it here. Even so, I tried to recalibrate my comfort levels with writing in this space. I tried to make it work, but it didn't.
And that's okay.
When I first began this blog in January of 2008, I intended to shape it into a catch-all of sorts, a place that was well-rounded versus one-dimensional, in which I would write about all aspects of my life. It didn't take long for this blog to develop a life of its own and steer its way into a place where I could process the emotions attached to my surrogacy efforts. It also became a repository for lingering feelings about my own infertility and how it continued to color how I viewed the world, as I didn't have an outlet (or an understanding audience) such as this during the time when I was actually caught in the throes of trying to build my family.
This blog worked for me how and when it needed it to, but I know now why my fingers are generally frozen when I sit down to write here – this blog's work is finished, and try as I might, I can't get it to work for me anymore.
Because they had a huge part in shaping who I am, I will always have things to say about infertility and surrogacy, and will be a strong advocate for both (well, not infertility, but infertility awareness). But, neither topic is prevalent enough in my current life to be my main focus anymore. I think that's a good thing. It feels like something has healed. I understand if, for where you are in your life, you can't follow me over at this time.
I didn't plan it this way, but I think that my prior post – Fortunate – is a fitting and proper end to the three-year dance with this blog. I am fortunate that I had you all along for the ride, that you were there to lift me up when thing were bad and celebrate with me when things were good. You held my hand through matches, through cycling, through transfers, and the ups and downs of positive tests, beta hells, and drawn out chemcial pregnancy resolutions. As tough as things were, I never felt alone. I know that had it not been for your support, it would have been much more difficult. Because you knew, and you abided with me even when I didn't have the strength to reciprocate. I am very fortunate, indeed.
So, I hope you'll join me over in my new space. The curtain is closed on this one.