Bullets Are for Gangstas. Word.

  • Someone recently commented that it seems like it is always peachy-keen harmonious love bubbles between Frank and me and wondered if it is really like this or if I am just full of shit and making it seem like it is. Like any other couple we have our disagreements, but it happens extremely rarely, occurs when one or both of us has momentary PMS, and usually it is over something ridiculously stupid. Today we argued over Gatorade. It lasted all of five minutes and ended with both of us admitting that we had been assholes. 99.2% of all arguments between anyone can be sufficiently squashed when someone can admit to being an ass. The other 0.8% might be remedied by a swift kick to the balls, literal or figurative.
  • More terrifying than Sarah Palin is the dentist. Case in point:
    Moxie at the dentist
    I assure you, that is not a smile. It is my mouth's lame attempt to pretend that it is okay with being poked by sharp, metallic objects. The eyes more accurately project the "GETMETHEFUCKOUTOFHERE" panic that ensues when I am in the Chair of Doom.

    So terrified am I of going to the dentist that I shamefully accidentally-on-purpose remember to go for a cleaning and exam only every few years, usually when a sudden toothache has been so painful that the fear of it happening again trumps my fear of medieval torture devices dental tools wielded by the sadistic freaks that are dentists. This week at my appointment, on the medical/dental history form, in the line that asked Is there any other condition about which the dentist should know? I wrote in “severe Chickenitis of the Dentist.” Literally – the receptionists had a good laugh over it. Thankfully, despite not having been to the dentist since the summer Baby M was born (the Summer of Baby M, HA!) four years ago, my teeth are in good shape. Still, I have to get one big filling and four very minor ones. I’ve scheduled that appointment for early August.

    More alarming and also more immediate is the need to finally have my wisdom teeth taken out. I had my consult with the oral surgeon on Wednesday and the procedure has been scheduled for next Tuesday. I was relieved to hear that I will be knocked out completely for the removal and that I will be sent home with a substantial supply of heavy-duty pain meds. I’ve been told that I will need to pretty much stay in bed and rest for 3-5 days after (no problems with that), but the idea that I will likely be in so much post-operative discomfort that I will need 3-5 days of recovery time scares the shizzle out of me. Then I remind myself once more that I’ve been given permission to be lazy and legally high and I mellow out again. So tell me – is getting your wisdom teeth out as bad as I’m envisioning it to be? Any been there, done that advice to offer?

  • Read any good books lately? Do tell. I’ve been indulging in the guilty pleasure of reading the Sookie Stackhouse/TrueBlood series lately and I have also recently read The Help. Does anyone else have a Nook Color and want to be Lend Me buddies? By the way, I’ve had my Nook Color rooted and now it runs like a tablet pc with the full Android Market, and not bullcrap Barnes & Noble market. Let me know if you want to find out how to get up on that.
  • Be on the lookout for Sock It To Me Summer 2011 details. When I was in The Void, several people sent emails asking if I would ever host another one. I don’t think I ever realized how much people looked forward to it. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you can check it out here. And you should read me more often.
  • Have you joined the Mastermind Mafia yet? You really should, because you are a bad ass and even if the only caps you ever pop are the ones on your KEYBOARD, you are a gangsta and together we can dominate the world. Or at least the Internet. Okay, fine – maybe at least the first page of a Google search for “mastermind mafia.”  Self-centered bonus – it will help your SEO, yo, if you care about that stuff. You’ll get an incoming link when I add you to the Mafia list. We’re the only mafia bad ass enough not to operate underground. Mostly. Deuces, my ninjas.

28 thoughts on “Bullets Are for Gangstas. Word.”

  1. I do not remember the actual wisdom tooth surgery and recovery being that bad. HOWEVER, that was my first experience with anesthesia and when I discovered that I kind of suck at being put under, so I had to recover from that. And then I got a cold or a flu or something right as I was starting to feel better and I felt awful for another two weeks. So, you are likely to do WAY better than me. 🙂

    Also, it is kind of awesome to have these empty pockets in your gums, until they seal shut.

    1. I’ve been knocked out before. I did well with it, but it was a bit disorienting to blink and wake up, having missed a chunk of time. Getting the Versed to mellow me out before being put under completely was fun, though. That stuff makes you feel GOOD.

  2. The removal surgically of my teeth was NOTHING compared to what I went through two years ago when they just broke the tooth out. It took six weeks of recovery. I’m talking tooth spurs that “finally worked their way up”…PAIN! FUL! It probably explains why I haven’t gone back to get this other one taken out. I need to do that before school starts or I am going to be screwed.

    On the bright side, I’d much rather be in your shoes and have them surgically removed..seriously. It wasn’t anything the pain pills and sleep couldn’t take care of!

    1. Ummm.,,yeah. That just freaked me out, but it helps to see that there is something worse than surgery. Sorrt you had to go through that!

  3. Alexicographer

    Oh dear, I’m behind. Did you like the Help? I thought it was OK, but not great. I’m not much help, though I did recently enjoy Gladwell’s Outliers. I’m mostly a non-fiction gal, unless there’s a new Dick Frances or Daniel Silva out.

    Wisdom teeth: I had mine (3) extracted with just novacaine by a lovely 70-year old (?) dentist (really, he was noticeably senior). I adored him on principle as he had the good sense to point out that antibiotics can interfere with birth control; this was a non-issue for me at that point in time (and, haha, forever as it turned out, but I digress), but I was grateful to him for having the good sense to draw this important side effect to a young woman’s attention. Anyway, getting mine out took a long time and he (this is where his age, and considerable years of experience — he’d dentisted in my hometown for years) told me once we were done that he’d “never had a wisdom tooth” (one of mine was particularly cantankerous, and memory fails but I think he had to break it in the socket and then extract it) “quite like that one before.” Anyway, it took a long time, but I was awake for it and honestly it was fine. My one piece of advice would be to get the pain killer Rx filled beforehand if you can because for goodness sakes it drives me crazy that for elective surgery they leave us until we are dazed and post-procedure and then send us into some invariably backlogged pharmacy: WTH? And yes, I did use painkillers for a day or two but really it was no big deal *except* that I had topical pain that I found responded well to sucking on a whole clove (the spice, yes really). FWIW.

    You’d like my dentist. She’s a lovely person, always takes the time to explain what she’s doing/recommending and why, and she’s an IVF mom twice over (I first saw her when I was finally pregnant, having skipped dentistry for years to save money for treatment). Just in case you ever wander up to the triangle, though I’m not sure she’s taking new patients.

    Sock It to Me: Fabulous! It was a lovely moment the other day when my DS admired one of my pairs of Sock It to Me socks — they have ice-cream cones on them, so what’s not to like. I wanted to tell him that those socks are the reason he exists, though in reality it’s a tad more complicated than that.

    1. “I wanted to tell him that those socks are the reason he exists, though in reality it’s a tad more complicated than that.” Aaaaaand now I’m feeling all prickly in the eyeballs. See, that right there is why I’m getting another one rolling. Knowing that I was somewhat behind some special memories for people just gives me the warm and fuzzies.

      You are a WARRIOR for enduring wisdom teeth removal on nothing more than novacaine. Did you at least have the benefit of inhaling nitrous oxide?

      Even though I think all dentists are semi-sadists, I really like my oral surgeon. She was kind and instantly allayed my fears. I like a doctor who opens with, “You get good drugs out of this deal, so everything is going to be okay!” 🙂

  4. Ya know, when I got my wisdom teeth out (and I am NOT. N-O-T. particularly pain-resistant) they didn’t knock me out. Just novicaine. Because the doctor was an asshole. They gave me vicodin, which was awesome until I threw up blood & fainted.

    The moral of the story: I’m a wuss & I survived. I went to work a couple days later, if not the day after (can’t quite remember). It sucked but I lived.

    1. Kristi – you said “threw up blood and fainted.” Is that supposed to make me feel better? 😉

  5. I feel about the optometrist the way you feel about the dentist. Seriously. Torture devices? Do you see the things they want to put in or close to your eyes? Your EYES?!?!?!?!

    Ahem. I had all four wisdom teeth out. Wouldn’t have been bad at all had I not been on a medication (acc.utane) that inhibited healing. As long as you’re not on anything like that, and as long as you’re familiar with anesthesia and pain meds and all that, you got this.

    1. Ahhh, so now I understand why all the forms asked in BIG, BOLD LETTERS about whether or not I’d taken those meds before. Pain meds are my friends, so hopefully I WILL be good to go.

  6. Oh, and I will tell you my recovery story after you have recovered, because, as you are not on any medications inhibiting healing, you won’t have the problems that I did. I promise.

    1. Thank you for sparing me your horror story. I do want to hear about it once I’m home and comfortably high, just to have an “it could have been worse” story in my back pocket. 🙂

  7. I don’t remember being horribly miserable when I had my wisdom teeth removed. They were massively impacted and I had to go to an oral surgeon and be knocked out as well. I think my worst moment was barfing after the surgery. (I always barf after surgery.) Otherwise, I was in pain, but not too bad.
    One of my biggest pet peeves is adults being incapable or unwilling to take responsibility for their own actions. Can you imagine what kind of world we would live in if everyone was able to admit to when they’re being an asshole? *perfection*

    1. SEE, AMELIA! That’s why I need we need a mafia – so we can point out the assholes (or at least show them how to admit when they are being one).

  8. My wisdom teeth weren’t a big deal: general anesthesia during, which made me quite loopy all day, much more than my IVF anesthesias. The pain was so tolerable that I didn’t even fill the codeine rx, just took advil.

    Have you read 32 Candles by my bloggy friend Ernessa T. Carter? It just came out in paperback! (and of course is still available on e-book, since you have a Nook) I’m not recommending it because you’re black ;b but because it’s genuinely excellent.

    1. Thanks for the recommendation, Baby Smilz! That one will be my next download. If you said it’s an excellent read, I can trust that it is.

  9. I was knocked out for mine, but that’s also because I had 2 EXTRA wisdom teeth that hadn’t erupted. Since they were starting to take out the root structure of the teeth in front of them, all 6 had to go. My recovery wasn’t too bad, and I didn’t really need the painkillers after the first day or two. Make sure you follow the directions given by the oral surgeon (such as no smoking or using a straw) and keep the areas well flushed out, and you should be fine.

    Other hints: make Jello the night before, so that it’s properly chilled by the time you get home. I had to fast before my surgery, and was starving by the time I got back (Lemon Jello had never tasted so good). I drank a lot of Carnation Instant Breakfast, as milkshakes were too thick. Frozen peas also work great as ice packs, since they mold well to the face. Don’t eat peas while recovering, though, because they can get stuck in the extraction holes.

    1. 2 extra teeth? Geez. I actually had only 3 come in, so that was a small blessing, thankfully.

      This is great advice. *runs off to amend shopping list….*

  10. I have a nook color. We will have to hook them up sometime. Also, I want to be all techy, so you will have to teach me how to “get up on that”. 🙂

  11. I am terrified of the dentist and am as bad as you. I have an aching tooth and know I have to finally call and make an appointment. FML. You must post how your wisdom teeth go.

    1. If I’m not feeling to crummy, I hope to post almost as soon as I get home. I’ve drunken blogged before. I wonder how legally-high-from-anesthesia blogging will turn out. MAKE THAT APPOINTMENT!

  12. Um. yeah. You don’t want to know my wisdom tooth experience. ugh. I have slight chickenitis of the dentist. A lot of mine revolves around the fact that I have some tooth issues that lots of dentists don’t understand, and that makes me realize how many quacks are out there and makes for some miserable experiences.

    I LOVE the Sookie Stackhouse series. I’m aware it’s not high literature, but it’s a rollicking good time eh? I just read, “Number the Stars” that Jen recommended. It’s a young adult book and very different from Sookie, but so so good. Don’t know if you like sci-fi at all, but one of my favorite books of all time is Ender’s Game.

  13. Another one suffering from chickenitis, otherwise known as a total chickenshit.

    One, I don’t admit I’m an asshole even if I am totally wrong and if hubby doesn’t fess up then that puts me in the .8 percent. After almost 19 years of marriage, it must be workin’. 🙂

    Two….you REALLY don’t want my advice or thoughts on anything that has to do with dental work, the dentist, or anything even slightly affiliated with any variation of the word. Everyone in my dentist’s office knows about my phobia….they pat me on the shoulder and ask if I am doing ok after just taking my blood pressure. In fact, I kept my cleaning appointment today without rescheduling it once…..I deserve an award for that. Ice cream will work.
    I’d rather go through labor and childbirth with no epidural-and that hurts like a mofo.

    Eh, you know who. The one with the smartass t-shirts. 🙂

  14. *Best* book I have read in ages: “Crooked Letter Crooked Letter” by Tom Franklin. even if you’re high on happy pills, you won’t be able to put it down.

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