Nurse: Hey, there! I’m calling to check up on you and to see how you’ve been feeling since having your wisdom teeth removed.
Me: I’m doing very well, thank you. The meds you guys gave are great and have kept me pain-free. I’ve been a bit foggy-brained because of them, though, but I’ll take that over being in pain, any day.
Nurse: And how has eating been?
Me: I stuck to liquids and soft foods like pudding, jello, broth, milkshakes, and Popsicles on the day of surgery and yesterday. This morning I managed to eat some scrambled eggs, but I’m still taking it easy for now. Overall, this whole recovery thing has been a piece of cake.
Nurse: You are a gangsta, aren’t you? (laughs to herself)
Nurse: When I was helping your husband get you to the car, you were trying to walk without help. We held on to you, but you still stumbled off the curb and then flopped into the car. You told us, “IgotthiscuzImmagangsta,” just before passing out again. I must say, between all the dancing and calling yourself a gangsta, you were one of our most entertaining patients ever.
Me: Well, I don’t remember a single bit of any of that, but apparently I’m so gangsta that I aim to please even when I’m blitzed out of my mind.
For the rest of today I am determined to take only Motrin. Tonight is the midnight showing of the final Harry Potter film. Is anyone else heading out to see it tonight? We’ve had our tickets for over two weeks, and I’ll be damned if I sleep through most of it because I’m too zooted up on pain meds to stay conscious. My jaws are a little sore right now without the benefit of the heavy stuff to dull the pain, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. You know why?
Because I’m a gangsta.