Please

For the sake of my newer readers who don’t know much (if anything) about my history:

I am a retired gestational surrogate. The focus of my archives (2008-2010) is mostly centered on my efforts to carry a second surrogacy pregnancy. In 2007, I delivered a healthy baby boy to my former intended parents, Former IM and Former IF.

I just found out that Baby M, now age 4, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Lymphoma (ALL) yesterday. Leukemia. Cancer. My Baby M.

I can hardly see straight, so here are the point-blank facts as I know them (and I’m sure I screwed something up because as soon as I heard LEUKEMIA my mind stopped functioning properly):

  •  They’re waiting to get lab results from Atlanta to determine to what stage it has advanced.
  • Baby M has been in the hospital since late Tuesday night when they sent him to get further testing. He’ll be in at least until Monday. Tomorrow he’ll start chemo via portacath. When he’s discharged, he’ll continue with oral chemotherapy. Once they get the results from Atlanta, they’ll work up a more specific treatment plan.
  • ALL has an 85% survival rate, which as ominous as it sounds, is actually fairly good as far as cancer goes. As it was explained to Former IM,  it is better that he has ALL versus Acute Myeloid Lymphoma (AML).
  • The average span of treatment is three years.
“The only other time I’ve ever seen Former IF cry is when Baby M was born, Moxie,” Former IM said. At this, her voice cracked for the first time. “Baby M is a miracle. I just will not believe that he will be taken from us when we all did so much to get him here.”
My characteristic pull to be a “fixer” is in overdrive. I feel helpless and impotent, because there is nothing that I can do to make it better.
Former IM asked me to tell everyone about Baby M’s diagnosis, in the hopes that people will add him to prayer lists if they’re the praying type or to send good thoughts if they’re not. “Use those words of yours,” she said. “It took many people to get him here. Maybe the good thoughts of many will help keep him here.”
*Please. Please make this one right. 

105 thoughts on “Please”

  1. Moxie, definitely without hesitation I’ll add Baby M to my prayers. Don’t you worry Moxie girl, hes going to make it through this. He will. I’m thinking of you and Baby M’s parents….and I don’t think I need to tell you how much you rock my socks. You’re amazing.

  2. Oh no. I am so, so sorry (what a beautiful picture, BTW).

    It’s not leukemia, but http://mandameow.blogspot.com/ is the blog of a mom after infertility (IVF + very, very premature birth) whose daughter, now 5 (6?) and in remission, had a different kind of cancer, hepatoblastoma. I’d guess that if Former IM and Former IF wanted, Manda’s mom would welcome contact and be a good source of support. I can try to dig up contact information for her (I know I had it once) if they would like. Oh, I guess I should post this over on Caring Bridge, huh…? But just know I am thinking of all of you, and especially Baby M.

    1. Thanks so very much, Alex. I’m going to click over and do some reading there tomorrow.

      Also thanks for leaving this on CaringBridge for Former IM and Former IF. xoxo

  3. I just read your surrogacy story. I’m with Former IM, I think you all did too much work to get Baby M here. I can’t even tell you how touched I am by your story and I have like a stone cold heart with only one or two feelings. I’m rooting for your Baby M.

  4. Oh honey…I don’t even know how you typed this out.

    YES, I will pray for Baby M, and for his parents to be sent extra strength.

    And I will ask my mom and stepfather to pray for him and add his name to the prayer book at our (Catholic) church.

    I am praying for you, too. I won’t try to compose words of comfort…anything anyone says at a time like this feels so awkward and wrong.

    1. Thanks so much, Ms. J. You may have felt “awkward and wrong,” but I do feel comforted just the same, knowing that you are praying for Baby M and that you will ask others to pray for him, too. xoxo

  5. Kym dear, my thoughts and prayers are with Former IM, Former IF, Baby M, and you. With Former IM and Former IF’s permission, I would like to submit Baby M’s name to Father Ralph Diorio’s prayer list. Father Ralph is a Catholic priest who has a long track record of being involved in many miraculous healings. Father Ralph prays for anyone and everyone.

  6. Praying and asking all of my praying friends to pray for him as well. God is good and we will stand in the gap as Former IM, Former IF, Baby M and you go through this! Much love.

  7. I just found your blog a day or two ago and so had only just read your surrogacy story, I am so sorry to now read this news 🙁

    Will pray and visit his page xx

  8. Oh my. I will be thinking of Baby M and his family (you included). My heart just goes out to you all.

    There’s another blog I read where their 4 year old was just diagnosed with ALL last month. I don’t know the mom personally but she sounds amazing and they are just so positive despite everything. You might want to take a look at her page and pass it along to Former IM and Former IF. Their story is here: http://kimchingocha.blogspot.com/

    1. Thank you so much. I’m going to do a lot of reading tomorrow, and this blog will be one of my starting points. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

  9. Oh no. I read this post with my heart in my throat. Oh goodness. I am so, so sorry. All of my thoughts and prayers go out to Baby M and his parents. This is just so horribly unfair. Many many (((Hugs))). Xoxo

  10. They are so strong and I know the love that surrounds them will carry them. It must. Thinking of you all and sending my strength.

  11. En Cinco's Gran-Gran

    The candle will be lit. I’m speechless at this moment. Feelings are: anger, sadness. anger (yeah I know I said that already). But, I also have hope. That is all for now.

  12. Oh my God. When I read your status update on FB today, I was shell-shocked. I can’t believe this is happening.

    Many many prayers for Baby M and his parents….do keep us updated.

  13. When we light the Shabbat candles tonight, I’ll add in some words about Baby M. Sending love to you and the whole family, and a quick, full recovery to Baby M.

  14. Sending love and prayers to you and Baby M and his family. We have a sweet little friend who was diagnosed with ALL almost 2 1/2 years ago, at age 2. He will complete treatment next summer I believe and has a great prognosis. I know everyone is in information overload right now, but when things settle a bit, please let me know if I can put Baby M’s family in touch with our friends. Baby M will fight this and he will win. xo

    1. Thanks, alison. It is so encouraging to hear that your little buddy is expected to do well. If and when Former IM and Former IF want to reach out to other parents, I’ll definitely keep your name on tap to get them connected. xoxo

  15. Oh baby no…..I’m so sorry to hear this. Like Alison above, I also know someone who survived this. He just graduated highschool this year, along with my eldest daughter. But yeah, living hell for three years.

    Warm hugs.

    1. I feel confident that Baby M will do well in the long run. I’m just afraid of how hard the short-run treatment of the next three years will be on him. 🙁

  16. Will certainly pray for Baby M and his family. I am a breast cancer survivor and a volunteer with the American Cancer Society. I was given an 85% rate to live 5 years, and in August I celebrated 10 years survivorship. Everyday there are new discoveries to help cancer patients. I’ll pray that Baby M’s docs find the right formula to help him live a long and healthy life. Stay hopeful.

    1. Thank you, Mary. I have loads of hope. It’s so wonderful to know that you’ve exceeded expectations! May there be no end to that in sight anywhere soon. xoxo

  17. beaming SO SO much love to you and your extended family (the one that Baby M belongs to). I don’t understand why many things happen – I just don’t. But I believe in the power of love and hope and that is what I am vibing at you guys right now.
    xoxoxoxo- infinity

  18. Kimberli (I know i’m spelling that wrong) I don’t know you except through team aiming low, but you sound exceptional. I am so sorry to hear about Baby M, and my heart aches for you and his parents. I will drop by the caring bridge site (I have another person to visit on there today…) and do anything else I can. Seriously. Contact me if there is anything at all I can do (perylmanning@gmail.com ).

    1. Thank you so much, Peryl. Through the next week, I’ll be pulling together a support/fundraising site for Baby M. Keep an eye out here for the deets. xoxo

  19. I am so, so sorry to hear of this. Being stuck in the hospital with tubes and IVs and stuff is no fun at any age, and I’m sure it’s worse for a 4 year old. Do you know if he’s allowed to have coloring books and Play-Doh and other stuff to keep him occupied? Because I would love to send him an activity pack to brighten his day…

    1. Baby M definitely can have boredom busters. I’ll have details on where to send care packages within the next couple of weeks. Thank you so much for your generosity. <3

  20. Thinking of you, Baby M, and his family. Not sure what I can do to help other than to say – he’s in my thoughts and on my heart. And I’m sure a bit of your gangsta has rubbed off on him, so I know he’s up for the fight.

    Love & strength hun, love & strength.

    1. I hope that my gangsta has rubbed off. Former IM insists that his rhythmic inclination came from me. Hopefully some kick-ass gangsta did, too. <3

  21. Oh Kym.
    I haven’t been around much (used to post on Between the Lines – maybe you remember me?) and I hate hate hate that this is what I’m seeing as I get reacquainted with you. My heart just breaks to know your meatball has such a fight ahead of him (and I can only imagine how his parents are feeling, my god.) I hope he has a relatively easy path and is in remission so very soon. But rest assured, my thoughts will most definitely be with him and his family (and you – I know you’re terrified and heartbroken too). Hugs and hugs and hugs to you all.

  22. I can’t believe I only just *met* you, read of your surrogacy story, and have now seen this post.

    My heart is aching, but I can’t help feeling that there is another miracle waiting here for all of you.

    I will visit their site now; but please let me know if there’s anything I can do. Blood donations, marrow donor registration – it may be too soon for anything or not needed…

    I don’t know. But I kick into “what can I do” mode at times like these. Sorry if that’s strange or pessimistic. It’s the opposite of what I want to be.

    Love to you and Baby M and this beautiful FAMILY.
    XO

    1. I think there’s a miracle waiting for us, too.

      It is not too early to think of blood donations, as from what I’ve read thus far, Baby M will likely need many transfusions of platelets and plasma. He’s had several transfusions already. I’m going to get more information from Former IM on that later when she learns it, and if there’s anything that I can do on that end to help, I’ll definitely let everyone know. xoxo

  23. Oh honey, this is awful. No child should have to go through that, and SAM of all kids? I do agree with Baby Smiling in Back Seat that no surrobaby of yours can fail to be anything but a superninja. Will be sending out the good mojo fast and furious.

    I hate cancer.

  24. I’m so devastated to hear this and can’t even imagine how you and everyone who loves Baby M must be feeling. I will say lots and lots of healing prayers and put him in my Bahai community’s prayer circle of love. Thinking of all of you, Kym. Heart hugs.

    1. “This just can’t happen.” I’ve been telling myself the same thing. But it is, so the best we can do is glove up and start kicking ass, right? 🙂

    1. I wish you were here, too, but that’s not different from any other day. 😉 I know what you mean, though. A night of margaritas definitely would have been in order.

  25. Robin | Farewell, Stranger

    How devastating. It doesn’t seem right. Absolutely sending all kinds of love and good thoughts their way, and yours too. Going to leave them some words.

    1. Mr. The Huz, thank you so much for beaming some love and light down to Baby M, his family, and me. JC is Just Cool. A Jive Chick. All because she married you, I’m sure. 🙂

  26. “It took many people to get him here. Maybe the good thoughts of many will help keep him here.”

    Typing through my tears… So heartbreaking to hear this news. I am the praying type and am holding all of you, especially Baby M close in my thoughts and prayers. xoxo

  27. It’s all I can do to hold back the tears. I’ll be praying for Baby M and his family. (my son was in the hospital five years ago for surgery to remove a tumor — the worst and scariest time of my life)

  28. I just found your blog, and I’m already in tears because of Baby M’s birth story and diagnosis. I will be sending up major prayers for him and his family (including you)! I am expecting my third child in April, and after he arrives I am interested in possibly helping another couple to have a child via surrogacy. Your story just strengthens my desire to do so.

    1. Thank you for your prayers, Kimberly, and congratulations on the impending arrival of baby #3! If you have any questions at all about surrogacy, please don’t hesitate to ask me!

  29. I am praying for Baby M, I am always gutted to hear of cancer and illness striking children, but this feels especially close to home.

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