Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Yesterday, I attended a virtual awards ceremony on Twitter. It was hosted by WEGOHealth.com, which is a powerful social media network for health activists. A few weeks ago, fellow blogger Keiko had nominated me for the Best Affirmation Post award* for my post The Truth About Trying.” Out of 15 nominees, the WEGO editorial team chose me as one of the four finalists. An amazing post written by Christine Miserandino called The Spoon Theory” was awarded the top prize, but I still felt like a winner.

Today, one blogger told another blogger to reach out to me for some advice concerning embarking on a surrogacy journey. This happens occasionally, but it’s been a long time since someone has sought me out to give surrogacy-related advice. We arranged a phone call, and I spent the better part of an hour answering various questions about legalities, matching, and various issues concerning independent vs. agency surrogacy arrangements. I hung up knowing that I’d helped a couple in their decision-making process and that I’d given some solid, actionable advice to help them along their way. Little did she know, she’d helped me along my way, too.

Tomorrow morning, Nyoni and Mo – my last IPs before my retirement from surrogacy – will finally get to hold their long-awaited baby in their arms. I never shared this with you, but immediately after the close of our journey, I was able to facilitate a new surrogacy match for Ny and Mo. After one failed fresh transfer and one failed FET (‘frozen embryo transfer’ for my new, non-IF friends), they were finally successful on a fresh IVF w/PGD cycle. Friday night, Ny and I had a lengthy phone chat to touch bases before she’s sucked into the welcome, but one-track-mind Baby Vortex. “You did this,” she said. “Maybe you weren’t able to help us in the way we all hoped that you could, but we wouldn’t be having a son right now if it wasn’t for you.”

***

In 2011, I wasn’t an “active” infertile. There were no RE appointments. There was no calendar-watching or clock-looking. There were no injections, no stirrups, no ultrasounds, no screenings, no finger-crossing.

There was no story to tell.

And somewhere along the way, I began to feel like there was no purpose to left to serve. Over time, it was laden not with a depressive weight, but rather with a sense of irrelevance. I’d resigned to quiet my empty, reaching hands and let them rest on the unfinished honor of what my heart wanted but my body was not allowed to do.

The strange confluence of this week’s events seem to deliver a message which I am hearing loud and clear:

You matter, you’re relevant, and you can still make things happen in this community. Be active

Though I recognized that voicing my experiences and opinions here could be considered activism, I (oddly enough) never thought to apply the identifier to myself.

This is something that I should not squander.

 

 

*I totally realize that I outed myself through this link. Nicetomeetcha.

16 thoughts on “Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow”

  1. You helped me many times, beyond measure. Activist, friend, voice of reason, hilarious blogger I love, you fit them all and many more. I’m glad you’re feeling it.

  2. Who ever doubted that you were relevant? You have knowledge to share – I know you don’t hoard it. Knowledge is power, baby!

  3. I second what Mrs. Gamgee said…never, ever forget that this community needs you and your voice. You are amazing my friend and I’m so damned proud of you.

  4. El Cinco's Gran-Gran

    Here I go with The Wizard of Oz again. Bear with me…

    Dorothy: Oh, will you help me? Can you help me?
    Glinda: You don’t need to be helped any longer. You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.
    Dorothy: I have?
    Scarecrow: Then why didn’t you tell her before?
    Glinda: Because she wouldn’t have believed me. She had to learn it for herself.

    Dorothy insightfully explains what she has learned from her experience – during her dream of being in Oz. In a self-revelation, she realizes that everything she could ever have wanted was right in her own backyard – IF she had wanted it hard enough.

    She relinquishes the miracle-working power of the Wizard – he has floated away – and relies upon her own power and personality to find her independent identity and way home. By returning to the Gale home after fantasizing about the enchanting world beyond and experiencing it along the Yellow Brick Road, she has confronted her fears and disappointments.

    She grew up emotionally with strength enough to meet her future. In some ways, the journey was as rewarding as the accomplishment of her goal. Glinda reveals the meaning of the ruby slippers – they will carry her (and Toto) back:

    Dorothy: Well, I-I think that it, that it wasn’t enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em, and it’s that if I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard because, if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with. Is that right?

    Glinda: That’s all it is!
    Scarecrow: But that’s so easy! I should’ve thought of it for you –
    Tin Man: I should have felt it in my heart –

    Glinda: No, she had to find it out for herself. Now those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds!
    Dorothy: Oh! Toto too?
    Glinda: Toto too.
    Dorothy: Now?
    Glinda: Whenever you wish.

    This part of her Life Journey is over and she gives tearful goodbyes:

    She kisses the Tin Woodsman, who sadly remarks as tears threaten to rust his tin: “Now I know I’ve got a heart, because it’s breaking.”

    She also turns to the Cowardly Lion, kisses him, and remembers his pre-courage fear: “I’m gonna miss the way you used to holler for help before you found your courage.” Trying to remain strong, he thanks Dorothy for helping him: “I would never have found it if it hadn’t been for you.”

    She hugs and kisses the Scarecrow and whispers: “I think I’ll miss you most of all.” She reserves a special place in her heart for him.
    ________________________________________________________________________________________________
    @Moxie: I won’t go into an interpretation of the symbolic meaning of why I, once again used The Wizard of Oz to drive home a few points. I know you’ll get it.

    Welcome home Dorothy!

  5. And, as I’ve told you before, Ruby (now a sweet, stubborn and freakishly verbal almost-two-year old) would not exist were it not for your help. I am so incredibly grateful for all you did for us. So grateful that, if I weren’t morally opposed to them, I might even give you a biiig hug.*

    *Don’t tell anyone.

  6. I really needed to hear that it is possible to get through this difficult experience and to come out the other side strong and happy.

  7. Online virtual awards ceremony is such a good idea.
    You are definitely relevant. It’s a good thing that you shared this.

    -Victor

  8. You help me. And I’m the most important person in my own personal world, so when you help me, you are NUMBER ONE HELPER IN THE UNIVERSE!!!! (with tongue firmly planted in cheek).

    Seriously, you ROCK, even when you don’t know you’re rockin’ it.

  9. its in the line of your hands to help others and am glad that you are so kind to help other people without remorse…………. God will bless you more

  10. Inspiring, you are beautiful caring, wonderful person. You are worthy of all good things. Pretty amazing and stay as what you are. 🙂

    Thanks!

  11. Still as helpful as you are no, God is reserving the gift He would like to give. More blessing and person you can help with.

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