Several weeks ago, I hit a lull in writing inspiration and I opened up the floor for you all to ask questions for me to answer. Then I got slammed with all of the busyness that comes with the end of a school year (and moving schools, to boot), and never got around to it. I need to get on that already. I’m going to start with a question that theoretically seems simple, but is actually a heavy question for me to answer:
How’s Baby M? (asked by Baby Smiling).
A bit of back story for those of you who are relatively new here: I was a gestational surrogate and in 2007, I delivered a baby boy named Baby M to his intended parents. He recently celebrated his 5th birthday. Last year just before Thanksgiving, he was diagnosed with Leukemia.
The short answer is that as far as I know, Baby M seems to be doing as well as can be expected. Treatment will last for around three years, and so far his body has done everything that his oncologists have wanted it to. Emotionally, he seems to be handling everything well, so that is a blessing.
The longer answer, or rather, an addendum to that answer, is that after this post, I will no longer post anything related to Baby M or his progress. When I discuss surrogacy, I might reference my journey with him and my former Intended Parents, but it will only be about the technical aspects of a surrogacy journey, and not the emotional aspects of my relationship with his parents. It was a good one while it lasted and I will always fondly remember those moments, but I just don’t feel comfortable discussing those details anymore.
Things have changed, and they’ve changed in such a way that I’ve had to redraw the lines in our relationship. One of the tricky things of writing about surrogacy is that it’s an intensely personal journey in which feelings and emotions are intertwined, but the whole story isn’t just the surrogate’s or the Intended Parents’ to tell. I know this is incredibly vague, but the best way I can explain it is that the depth of the connection that existed in that relationship just can’t be there anymore. While I’m affected by it personally, the details of how and why that came to be just isn’t my story to tell.
It was the last thing that I ever expected to happen, and it crash landed just at the moment when I was truly coming to terms with the failure of all of my attempts to have a successful second journey with other couples. There was never any easy way to communicate the breakdown of that relationship here, but I knew that for my own sense of closure, I would have to one way or another eventually. It’s about time that I ripped that bandage off so that I can close that chapter once and for all. That much, at least, is my story to tell.
Sometimes things happen and we have to re-frame our positions in relationships that we held dear to us. It does hurt, but that’s life, isn’t it?
And it goes on…